Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

The CafeMom Newcomers Club The CafeMom Newcomers Club

I don't know what to do about this...

Posted by   + Show Post
I am so upset with my 13 year old!
She asked to go to the drive in with friends I asked several times if an adult would be with them the whole time. She said yes. The plan was they would meet at mc Donald's and eat then the friends mom was going to take them to the movie. Well hubs dropped her off at mc Donald's and picked her up from the drive in. Apparently they walked from mc Donald's to the drive in at 6 at night (it's starting to get dark by then) then they went to an entirely different movie than the friends mom was even watching. I wasn't really comfortable with Te idea anyway because I don't know the friends mom well but I gave her the benefit of the doubt but letting a group of young teens wander around the drive in in the dark is not ok. I already told her that she's not going to be hanging out with those friends again unless myself or one of her friends who's parents I know well is there but, I don't know what to do about lastnight. My thought is as soon as the plans where different from what he told us she should have called us and told us in which case I would have picked her up. Since she didn't call and just went along with it she was lying to us about where she would be and with who. I don't know that grounding her would do much since most of the time she's not home she's doing school stuff anyway. I did tell her I expected the house to be clean when we got back from skating.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Oct. 7, 2012 at 4:12 PM
Replies (11-20):
LCWAmommy
by Ruby Member on Oct. 7, 2012 at 4:59 PM
I don't even know what she was thinking! I have never had this problem before. Usually she hangs out with a good group of girls that I know wouldn't do something so stupid and their parents wouldn't allow it. I know that she won't be hanging out with these friends again with out my supervision.

Quoting ayacocca:

Yeah... this is a scary/ world we are living in... I would mos def inform her of what couldve possibly happened to her little @ss while out walking at the drive thru after dark....

and punishments would be in order until she can truthfully say how unintelligent her actions were...

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
happymommy1105
by Platinum Member on Oct. 7, 2012 at 5:00 PM
Oh I would be pissed at my son too.

But I wouldn't have as many thoughts about crazy creepy pshycos.


That's what I would be worried about.


Quoting christina0607:

I would be just as mad at my son in this situation.



Quoting happymommy1105:

Wow.





I don't know what I would do.





These situations make me so happy I don't have a daughter.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
christina0607
by on Oct. 7, 2012 at 5:03 PM
Really? I definitely have the same fears for both genders theres just as many predator targeting boys.

Op...my 12 yo would have no freedoms after a stunt like that.


Quoting happymommy1105:

Oh I would be pissed at my son too.



But I wouldn't have as many thoughts about crazy creepy pshycos.





That's what I would be worried about.




Quoting christina0607:

I would be just as mad at my son in this situation.





Quoting happymommy1105:

Wow.







I don't know what I would do.







These situations make me so happy I don't have a daughter.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
FooLynRoo
by on Oct. 7, 2012 at 5:22 PM
2 moms liked this

Okay  - how I would handle it.

I would explain to her - that as soon as plans had changed that you expected a call.

Tell her you did not like that she did not let you know she wasn't being supervised.

Then I would tell her in the future - when plans change you expect a call and you will make a judgement based on the situation (not necessarily call an end to it)

She's 13 not a little kid. I think within a drive in , they would be okay so long as an adult is on premises that they could go to.

This is the age where they start getting limited responsibility and free range.

And ask your child for that trust - and return it. Such as next time plans change, offer for YOU to supervise, or ask her to instead to text you ever 30 mins that she's okay.



LCWAmommy
by Ruby Member on Oct. 7, 2012 at 5:35 PM
No she is not a little kid but a drive in is dark and full of cars and few employees that is not a good situation for a 13 year old. I have allowed her to go to the mall (well lit security and lots of mall employees all around) with friends and I was ok with that. But the drive in is not a safe place for a 13 year old to be with out adult supervision.

Quoting FooLynRoo:

Okay  - how I would handle it.

I would explain to her - that as soon as plans had changed that you expected a call.

Tell her you did not like that she did not let you know she wasn't being supervised.

Then I would tell her in the future - when plans change you expect a call and you will make a judgement based on the situation (not necessarily call an end to it)

She's 13 not a little kid. I think within a drive in , they would be okay so long as an adult is on premises that they could go to.

This is the age where they start getting limited responsibility and free range.

And ask your child for that trust - and return it. Such as next time plans change, offer for YOU to supervise, or ask her to instead to text you ever 30 mins that she's okay.



Posted on CafeMom Mobile
christina0607
by on Oct. 7, 2012 at 5:38 PM
I'm all for giving kids appropriate freedoms and space....but seriously I think you have things very poorparenting skills to allow 13 yos to wander dark parking lots full of unlit cars.

Quoting FooLynRoo:

Okay  - how I would handle it.

I would explain to her - that as soon as plans had changed that you expected a call.

Tell her you did not like that she did not let you know she wasn't being supervised.

Then I would tell her in the future - when plans change you expect a call and you will make a judgement based on the situation (not necessarily call an end to it)

She's 13 not a little kid. I think within a drive in , they would be okay so long as an adult is on premises that they could go to.

This is the age where they start getting limited responsibility and free range.

And ask your child for that trust - and return it. Such as next time plans change, offer for YOU to supervise, or ask her to instead to text you ever 30 mins that she's okay.



Posted on CafeMom Mobile
FooLynRoo
by on Oct. 7, 2012 at 5:38 PM

well like I said, that's what I would do.


Quoting LCWAmommy:

No she is not a little kid but a drive in is dark and full of cars and few employees that is not a good situation for a 13 year old. I have allowed her to go to the mall (well lit security and lots of mall employees all around) with friends and I was ok with that. But the drive in is not a safe place for a 13 year old to be with out adult supervision.

Quoting FooLynRoo:

Okay  - how I would handle it.

I would explain to her - that as soon as plans had changed that you expected a call.

Tell her you did not like that she did not let you know she wasn't being supervised.

Then I would tell her in the future - when plans change you expect a call and you will make a judgement based on the situation (not necessarily call an end to it)

She's 13 not a little kid. I think within a drive in , they would be okay so long as an adult is on premises that they could go to.

This is the age where they start getting limited responsibility and free range.

And ask your child for that trust - and return it. Such as next time plans change, offer for YOU to supervise, or ask her to instead to text you ever 30 mins that she's okay.




FooLynRoo
by on Oct. 7, 2012 at 5:39 PM
2 moms liked this

Good thing I don't care what you think then huh?

Quoting christina0607:

I'm all for giving kids appropriate freedoms and space....but seriously I think you have things very poorparenting skills to allow 13 yos to wander dark parking lots full of unlit cars.

Quoting FooLynRoo:

Okay  - how I would handle it.

I would explain to her - that as soon as plans had changed that you expected a call.

Tell her you did not like that she did not let you know she wasn't being supervised.

Then I would tell her in the future - when plans change you expect a call and you will make a judgement based on the situation (not necessarily call an end to it)

She's 13 not a little kid. I think within a drive in , they would be okay so long as an adult is on premises that they could go to.

This is the age where they start getting limited responsibility and free range.

And ask your child for that trust - and return it. Such as next time plans change, offer for YOU to supervise, or ask her to instead to text you ever 30 mins that she's okay.




christina0607
by on Oct. 7, 2012 at 5:40 PM
Snippy much, lol.

Quoting FooLynRoo:

Good thing I don't care what you think then huh?


Quoting christina0607:

I'm all for giving kids appropriate freedoms and space....but seriously I think you have things very poorparenting skills to allow 13 yos to wander dark parking lots full of unlit cars.



Quoting FooLynRoo:

Okay  - how I would handle it.

I would explain to her - that as soon as plans had changed that you expected a call.

Tell her you did not like that she did not let you know she wasn't being supervised.

Then I would tell her in the future - when plans change you expect a call and you will make a judgement based on the situation (not necessarily call an end to it)

She's 13 not a little kid. I think within a drive in , they would be okay so long as an adult is on premises that they could go to.

This is the age where they start getting limited responsibility and free range.

And ask your child for that trust - and return it. Such as next time plans change, offer for YOU to supervise, or ask her to instead to text you ever 30 mins that she's okay.




Posted on CafeMom Mobile
GaleJ
by Silver Member on Oct. 7, 2012 at 5:41 PM

Well I'm going to come at this from a bit of a different direction...I am not interested in punishment, the idea is to teach our children and this is a teachable moment from several directions. You need to sit down with your daughter and have a talk with her about the reasons it is important that she be proactive in staying safe at all times. Don't try to scare her but a frank discussion is called for in this situation. Remind her that her safety is the reason for many of the rules imposed on her and that as she gets older and acts beyond your control you must be able to trust her judgement if she is to be allowed to enjoy independent time with her friend. Make it clear that safety demands that you know where she is and with whom AT ALL TIMES. Make it clear that the group mentality of young teenagers can lead to trouble and that is why it is important that there be an adult overseeing such outings at her age. It is time, if you have not already done so, to make it clear that she can, at any time, call you for a "rescue pick-up" without fear of punishment. Every family must have their own rules for this situation but for our children's safety we must develop a working trust that we can build on and draw against as they go through the challenges of the teenage years.

Now I must say something to the OP. You also need to take some responsibility for the problem with this outing and you should be frank with your daughter about your part in what happened. Your daughter is only thirteen and at this point you must take the lead in insuring that she is within your expectations as she starts to act beyond your direct control. For awhile, until her own sense of good judgement is well developed, absolutely trustworthy, and until you see that she can apply it even when it is challenged by that group mentality I mentioned, you must be the one to exercise the control. You must always check with the adult that is to be in charge and make it clear what your expectations are for adult supervision as well as for your daughter. If the adult is not well known by you or if their "parentstyle" is out of sync with your own then you must either refuse to allow your daughter to participate or you must accompany them on the outing. That allows your daughter to participate safely and also gives you the chance to get to know the adult in question for future reference. The next few years will present many challenges and being able to count on loving cooperation from both sides is better than an approach that puts you on the opposite side of a battle for control. My son is now twenty-one, through school, and working and I feel blessed to be able to say that we got through the teenage years without a major problem although I will admit to having to tackle a whole lot of middle-sized problems, good luck.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN