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I don't know what to do about this...

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I am so upset with my 13 year old!
She asked to go to the drive in with friends I asked several times if an adult would be with them the whole time. She said yes. The plan was they would meet at mc Donald's and eat then the friends mom was going to take them to the movie. Well hubs dropped her off at mc Donald's and picked her up from the drive in. Apparently they walked from mc Donald's to the drive in at 6 at night (it's starting to get dark by then) then they went to an entirely different movie than the friends mom was even watching. I wasn't really comfortable with Te idea anyway because I don't know the friends mom well but I gave her the benefit of the doubt but letting a group of young teens wander around the drive in in the dark is not ok. I already told her that she's not going to be hanging out with those friends again unless myself or one of her friends who's parents I know well is there but, I don't know what to do about lastnight. My thought is as soon as the plans where different from what he told us she should have called us and told us in which case I would have picked her up. Since she didn't call and just went along with it she was lying to us about where she would be and with who. I don't know that grounding her would do much since most of the time she's not home she's doing school stuff anyway. I did tell her I expected the house to be clean when we got back from skating.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Oct. 7, 2012 at 4:12 PM
Replies (31-40):
Liyoness
by on Oct. 7, 2012 at 6:32 PM
Didn't you say that had you known that they were being allowed more freedom (to walk what must have been a short distance and see their own movie) that you would have picked her up?

Your kid was being supervised. I'm sure the girls were checking in with her. Had you given her the option, she could have checked in with you. You are not leaving her with the choice to be responsible when you aren't opening your mind to the fact that the activity IS age appropriate.

Quoting LCWAmommy:

I don't thing walking around a dark car filled drive in us age appropriate. I have allowed her to go to the movies during the day with a group of friends and go to the mall with a group of friends had I known that there was not going to appropriate supervision then I would have not allow her to go at all. It is important for her to always call me if there is a change in plans so I know where she will be and how she's getting there. It's not fair to me that I though my kid was supervised by an adult only to find out she was not. Had she called I could have had hubs go and drive them and stay with them we don't mind driving kids around or supervising outings but since I didn't know anything could have happened.

Quoting Liyoness:




I think what you need to do is start allowing her age-appropriate activities, such as this. Forcing her to choose between leaving or lying to you is unfair.


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
LCWAmommy
by Ruby Member on Oct. 7, 2012 at 6:40 PM
13 year olds can't drive so how us being at the drive in alone age appropriate? I have taken my daughter and her friends to the drive in many times the kids set up chairs outside the car and stay close while we all watch the same movie. It is not up to another parent to decide how much freedom my kid gets and it is up to my Child to let me know of plans are different than from what we discussed before hand. If a person had wanted to grab my daughter and pull her into a car and leave how would an adult know until it was too late?

Quoting Liyoness:

Didn't you say that had you known that they were being allowed more freedom (to walk what must have been a short distance and see their own movie) that you would have picked her up?

Your kid was being supervised. I'm sure the girls were checking in with her. Had you given her the option, she could have checked in with you. You are not leaving her with the choice to be responsible when you aren't opening your mind to the fact that the activity IS age appropriate.


Quoting LCWAmommy:

I don't thing walking around a dark car filled drive in us age appropriate. I have allowed her to go to the movies during the day with a group of friends and go to the mall with a group of friends had I known that there was not going to appropriate supervision then I would have not allow her to go at all. It is important for her to always call me if there is a change in plans so I know where she will be and how she's getting there. It's not fair to me that I though my kid was supervised by an adult only to find out she was not. Had she called I could have had hubs go and drive them and stay with them we don't mind driving kids around or supervising outings but since I didn't know anything could have happened.

Quoting Liyoness:




I think what you need to do is start allowing her age-appropriate activities, such as this. Forcing her to choose between leaving or lying to you is unfair.



Posted on CafeMom Mobile
3gr8tKids
by Silver Member on Oct. 7, 2012 at 6:49 PM
as in open skate (ice)?
I'd be upset too. I assume this is an isolated incident. If so Id give a firm warning. When plans change you expect to be informed. Or you should communicate directly with another parent.

good luck..
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Liyoness
by on Oct. 7, 2012 at 6:51 PM
(excuse the iphone typos- i type faster than my phone can register and have fat thumbs besides)
I don't disagree with most of that, however you are being too strict and honestly, quite silly. You are not giving her a chance to be honest with you- you already have a punishment ready (picking her up) if she is.
She was with a group of friends- had she been pulle into a car, one of them woul have called 911 and given a license plate number while another called her mom.
Talk to your child about safety, not restrictions, and you will find that she is open to keeping you in the loop and getting your approval. When you shoot things down without giving her a chance, THIS will happen. A tight leash won't make her responsible, open communication will.

Quoting LCWAmommy:

13 year olds can't drive so how us being at the drive in alone age appropriate? I have taken my daughter and her friends to the drive in many times the kids set up chairs outside the car and stay close while we all watch the same movie. It is not up to another parent to decide how much freedom my kid gets and it is up to my Child to let me know of plans are different than from what we discussed before hand. If a person had wanted to grab my daughter and pull her into a car and leave how would an adult know until it was too late?

Quoting Liyoness:

Didn't you say that had you known that they were being allowed more freedom (to walk what must have been a short distance and see their own movie) that you would have picked her up?

Your kid was being supervised. I'm sure the girls were checking in with her. Had you given her the option, she could have checked in with you. You are not leaving her with the choice to be responsible when you aren't opening your mind to the fact that the activity IS age appropriate.



Quoting LCWAmommy:

I don't thing walking around a dark car filled drive in us age appropriate. I have allowed her to go to the movies during the day with a group of friends and go to the mall with a group of friends had I known that there was not going to appropriate supervision then I would have not allow her to go at all. It is important for her to always call me if there is a change in plans so I know where she will be and how she's getting there. It's not fair to me that I though my kid was supervised by an adult only to find out she was not. Had she called I could have had hubs go and drive them and stay with them we don't mind driving kids around or supervising outings but since I didn't know anything could have happened.

Quoting Liyoness:




I think what you need to do is start allowing her age-appropriate activities, such as this. Forcing her to choose between leaving or lying to you is unfair.






Posted on CafeMom Mobile
LCWAmommy
by Ruby Member on Oct. 7, 2012 at 6:56 PM
Lol my 4 other kids do artistic roller skating its like figure skating on ice but on wheels they do a lot of the same moves.
It is Te first time this happened and I think that I will just be extra careful with this group of friends


Quoting 3gr8tKids:

as in open skate (ice)?

I'd be upset too. I assume this is an isolated incident. If so Id give a firm warning. When plans change you expect to be informed. Or you should communicate directly with another parent.



good luck..
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
LCWAmommy
by Ruby Member on Oct. 7, 2012 at 7:01 PM
I never said anything about picking her up to her I asked if an adult would be with them she said yes and left it at that if she didn't know ahead of time then she wasn't lying at the time but not calling and telling me after she found out is lying no matter if she thought we would pick her up or not he should have called end if story not calling or telling the full story because she thinks she may not be allowed to do something doesn't make it better

Quoting Liyoness:

(excuse the iphone typos- i type faster than my phone can register and have fat thumbs besides)
I don't disagree with most of that, however you are being too strict and honestly, quite silly. You are not giving her a chance to be honest with you- you already have a punishment ready (picking her up) if she is.
She was with a group of friends- had she been pulle into a car, one of them woul have called 911 and given a license plate number while another called her mom.
Talk to your child about safety, not restrictions, and you will find that she is open to keeping you in the loop and getting your approval. When you shoot things down without giving her a chance, THIS will happen. A tight leash won't make her responsible, open communication will.

Quoting LCWAmommy:

13 year olds can't drive so how us being at the drive in alone age appropriate? I have taken my daughter and her friends to the drive in many times the kids set up chairs outside the car and stay close while we all watch the same movie. It is not up to another parent to decide how much freedom my kid gets and it is up to my Child to let me know of plans are different than from what we discussed before hand. If a person had wanted to grab my daughter and pull her into a car and leave how would an adult know until it was too late?

Quoting Liyoness:

Didn't you say that had you known that they were being allowed more freedom (to walk what must have been a short distance and see their own movie) that you would have picked her up?

Your kid was being supervised. I'm sure the girls were checking in with her. Had you given her the option, she could have checked in with you. You are not leaving her with the choice to be responsible when you aren't opening your mind to the fact that the activity IS age appropriate.



Quoting LCWAmommy:

I don't thing walking around a dark car filled drive in us age appropriate. I have allowed her to go to the movies during the day with a group of friends and go to the mall with a group of friends had I known that there was not going to appropriate supervision then I would have not allow her to go at all. It is important for her to always call me if there is a change in plans so I know where she will be and how she's getting there. It's not fair to me that I though my kid was supervised by an adult only to find out she was not. Had she called I could have had hubs go and drive them and stay with them we don't mind driving kids around or supervising outings but since I didn't know anything could have happened.

Quoting Liyoness:




I think what you need to do is start allowing her age-appropriate activities, such as this. Forcing her to choose between leaving or lying to you is unfair.






Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Liyoness
by on Oct. 7, 2012 at 7:05 PM
No, it doesn't make it better, which is why YOU, as the adult and parent, have to make yourself approachable.

You BOTH need to learn from this.


Quoting LCWAmommy:

I never said anything about picking her up to her I asked if an adult would be with them she said yes and left it at that if she didn't know ahead of time then she wasn't lying at the time but not calling and telling me after she found out is lying no matter if she thought we would pick her up or not he should have called end if story not calling or telling the full story because she thinks she may not be allowed to do something doesn't make it better



Quoting Liyoness:

(excuse the iphone typos- i type faster than my phone can register and have fat thumbs besides)
I don't disagree with most of that, however you are being too strict and honestly, quite silly. You are not giving her a chance to be honest with you- you already have a punishment ready (picking her up) if she is.
She was with a group of friends- had she been pulle into a car, one of them woul have called 911 and given a license plate number while another called her mom.
Talk to your child about safety, not restrictions, and you will find that she is open to keeping you in the loop and getting your approval. When you shoot things down without giving her a chance, THIS will happen. A tight leash won't make her responsible, open communication will.

Quoting LCWAmommy:

13 year olds can't drive so how us being at the drive in alone age appropriate? I have taken my daughter and her friends to the drive in many times the kids set up chairs outside the car and stay close while we all watch the same movie. It is not up to another parent to decide how much freedom my kid gets and it is up to my Child to let me know of plans are different than from what we discussed before hand. If a person had wanted to grab my daughter and pull her into a car and leave how would an adult know until it was too late?

Quoting Liyoness:

Didn't you say that had you known that they were being allowed more freedom (to walk what must have been a short distance and see their own movie) that you would have picked her up?

Your kid was being supervised. I'm sure the girls were checking in with her. Had you given her the option, she could have checked in with you. You are not leaving her with the choice to be responsible when you aren't opening your mind to the fact that the activity IS age appropriate.



Quoting LCWAmommy:

I don't thing walking around a dark car filled drive in us age appropriate. I have allowed her to go to the movies during the day with a group of friends and go to the mall with a group of friends had I known that there was not going to appropriate supervision then I would have not allow her to go at all. It is important for her to always call me if there is a change in plans so I know where she will be and how she's getting there. It's not fair to me that I though my kid was supervised by an adult only to find out she was not. Had she called I could have had hubs go and drive them and stay with them we don't mind driving kids around or supervising outings but since I didn't know anything could have happened.

Quoting Liyoness:




I think what you need to do is start allowing her age-appropriate activities, such as this. Forcing her to choose between leaving or lying to you is unfair.







Posted on CafeMom Mobile
christina0607
by on Oct. 7, 2012 at 7:06 PM
Do you have a stipulation already in place that calling you is the protocol. I know someone earlier said that she can't be expected to call you because she's flaky....we both know that's crap. But has she in the past always called you, or is this a new situation for her? My daughter is 12 and she will text me without fail every time she leaves one place to go to another. This is something she has done since she was 6, so its just ingrained in her.

Quoting LCWAmommy:

I never said anything about picking her up to her I asked if an adult would be with them she said yes and left it at that if she didn't know ahead of time then she wasn't lying at the time but not calling and telling me after she found out is lying no matter if she thought we would pick her up or not he should have called end if story not calling or telling the full story because she thinks she may not be allowed to do something doesn't make it better



Quoting Liyoness:

(excuse the iphone typos- i type faster than my phone can register and have fat thumbs besides)
I don't disagree with most of that, however you are being too strict and honestly, quite silly. You are not giving her a chance to be honest with you- you already have a punishment ready (picking her up) if she is.
She was with a group of friends- had she been pulle into a car, one of them woul have called 911 and given a license plate number while another called her mom.
Talk to your child about safety, not restrictions, and you will find that she is open to keeping you in the loop and getting your approval. When you shoot things down without giving her a chance, THIS will happen. A tight leash won't make her responsible, open communication will.

Quoting LCWAmommy:

13 year olds can't drive so how us being at the drive in alone age appropriate? I have taken my daughter and her friends to the drive in many times the kids set up chairs outside the car and stay close while we all watch the same movie. It is not up to another parent to decide how much freedom my kid gets and it is up to my Child to let me know of plans are different than from what we discussed before hand. If a person had wanted to grab my daughter and pull her into a car and leave how would an adult know until it was too late?

Quoting Liyoness:

Didn't you say that had you known that they were being allowed more freedom (to walk what must have been a short distance and see their own movie) that you would have picked her up?

Your kid was being supervised. I'm sure the girls were checking in with her. Had you given her the option, she could have checked in with you. You are not leaving her with the choice to be responsible when you aren't opening your mind to the fact that the activity IS age appropriate.



Quoting LCWAmommy:

I don't thing walking around a dark car filled drive in us age appropriate. I have allowed her to go to the movies during the day with a group of friends and go to the mall with a group of friends had I known that there was not going to appropriate supervision then I would have not allow her to go at all. It is important for her to always call me if there is a change in plans so I know where she will be and how she's getting there. It's not fair to me that I though my kid was supervised by an adult only to find out she was not. Had she called I could have had hubs go and drive them and stay with them we don't mind driving kids around or supervising outings but since I didn't know anything could have happened.

Quoting Liyoness:




I think what you need to do is start allowing her age-appropriate activities, such as this. Forcing her to choose between leaving or lying to you is unfair.






Posted on CafeMom Mobile
LCWAmommy
by Ruby Member on Oct. 7, 2012 at 7:10 PM
We have talked about it before if plans differ from what we discussed before hand she is to call and let me know if the change and make sure it is ok. She knew I would not be ok with these changes so she "didn't think it was a big deal" she knows she screwed up and she knows that now she will not be doing anything with these friends unless a parent I trust is there. I am more than happy to have the friends over to our house or supervise trips to the drive in or other things.

Quoting christina0607:

Do you have a stipulation already in place that calling you is the protocol. I know someone earlier said that she can't be expected to call you because she's flaky....we both know that's crap. But has she in the past always called you, or is this a new situation for her? My daughter is 12 and she will text me without fail every time she leaves one place to go to another. This is something she has done since she was 6, so its just ingrained in her.



Quoting LCWAmommy:

I never said anything about picking her up to her I asked if an adult would be with them she said yes and left it at that if she didn't know ahead of time then she wasn't lying at the time but not calling and telling me after she found out is lying no matter if she thought we would pick her up or not he should have called end if story not calling or telling the full story because she thinks she may not be allowed to do something doesn't make it better





Quoting Liyoness:

(excuse the iphone typos- i type faster than my phone can register and have fat thumbs besides)
I don't disagree with most of that, however you are being too strict and honestly, quite silly. You are not giving her a chance to be honest with you- you already have a punishment ready (picking her up) if she is.
She was with a group of friends- had she been pulle into a car, one of them woul have called 911 and given a license plate number while another called her mom.
Talk to your child about safety, not restrictions, and you will find that she is open to keeping you in the loop and getting your approval. When you shoot things down without giving her a chance, THIS will happen. A tight leash won't make her responsible, open communication will.

Quoting LCWAmommy:

13 year olds can't drive so how us being at the drive in alone age appropriate? I have taken my daughter and her friends to the drive in many times the kids set up chairs outside the car and stay close while we all watch the same movie. It is not up to another parent to decide how much freedom my kid gets and it is up to my Child to let me know of plans are different than from what we discussed before hand. If a person had wanted to grab my daughter and pull her into a car and leave how would an adult know until it was too late?

Quoting Liyoness:

Didn't you say that had you known that they were being allowed more freedom (to walk what must have been a short distance and see their own movie) that you would have picked her up?

Your kid was being supervised. I'm sure the girls were checking in with her. Had you given her the option, she could have checked in with you. You are not leaving her with the choice to be responsible when you aren't opening your mind to the fact that the activity IS age appropriate.



Quoting LCWAmommy:

I don't thing walking around a dark car filled drive in us age appropriate. I have allowed her to go to the movies during the day with a group of friends and go to the mall with a group of friends had I known that there was not going to appropriate supervision then I would have not allow her to go at all. It is important for her to always call me if there is a change in plans so I know where she will be and how she's getting there. It's not fair to me that I though my kid was supervised by an adult only to find out she was not. Had she called I could have had hubs go and drive them and stay with them we don't mind driving kids around or supervising outings but since I didn't know anything could have happened.

Quoting Liyoness:




I think what you need to do is start allowing her age-appropriate activities, such as this. Forcing her to choose between leaving or lying to you is unfair.






Posted on CafeMom Mobile
3gr8tKids
by Silver Member on Oct. 7, 2012 at 7:13 PM
Very cool about the skating ... It rings a bell like I may have asked you once before. LOL


Quoting LCWAmommy:

Lol my 4 other kids do artistic roller skating its like figure skating on ice but on wheels they do a lot of the same moves.

It is Te first time this happened and I think that I will just be extra careful with this group of friends




Quoting 3gr8tKids:

as in open skate (ice)?


I'd be upset too. I assume this is an isolated incident. If so Id give a firm warning. When plans change you expect to be informed. Or you should communicate directly with another parent.





good luck..

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