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is being a SAHM a joint decision?

Posted by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 3:07 PM
  • 67 Replies

 Logic says yes, both partners agree...But what happens when the woman wants to be a SAHM and her husband wants her to continue to work?  Does she work and resent him? She can't really stay at home without him approving of it if he is the bread winner...

So, has anyone been in this position?  What happened?

by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 3:07 PM
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Replies (1-10):
JulyBabies
by Platinum Member on Oct. 8, 2012 at 3:16 PM
I can't imagine why the husband would not want the wife to stay home unless it was for financial reasons. In your scenario, what is the reason?
mjande4
by Silver Member on Oct. 8, 2012 at 3:18 PM
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My husband would not want me to stay home.  He knows me too well.  First, I would go bat-shit crazy and then in turn drive him nuts!  Second, when I am home I spend A LOT more money because I can't stay in the house all day. I have to be doing things. 

Quoting JulyBabies:

I can't imagine why the husband would not want the wife to stay home unless it was for financial reasons. In your scenario, what is the reason?


blondie.mom
by Silver Member on Oct. 8, 2012 at 3:18 PM
It is a joint decision. If the husband said no, I would ask why and talk it out. Maybe compromise and only work part time, or work from home.
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mom2the.rescue
by Bronze Member on Oct. 8, 2012 at 3:19 PM

Ideally, it should be discussed before the couple gets pregnant.  I told my dh (then bf) that I wouldn't have kids unless I could afford to stay home with them for their early years.  He said he also wanted that for his kids...so I guess we were lucky we agreed.

tangal
by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 3:20 PM
We agreed for us to have a sahm...I hate it but it brings comfort to my husband but we did make an agreement that once the kid hits preschool I get to work whoop :)
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QueenBof6
by Platinum Member on Oct. 8, 2012 at 3:20 PM
I think it should be a joint decision. Just because a woman births a mans child doesn't mean she should have all the say so in that.
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lwalker270
by Lara on Oct. 8, 2012 at 3:21 PM
1 mom liked this

In our house it was a joint decision and DH was on board, so I'm no help...

sorry 

eesmommy
by Gold Member on Oct. 8, 2012 at 3:23 PM
Its a joint desiscion, and over the years it may change or maybe the individuals may change thier opinions. I think that sometimes a woman, if she believes wholeheartedly that its her called to be a sahm and her dh doesnt agree she may need to prove to him that she is right, but really, in an ideal situation she would just be able to say, hey, I want to be a sahm and he should say okay.
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mommytoeandb
by Gold Member on Oct. 8, 2012 at 3:24 PM

I would say joint decision, but I told DH when we were dating that I wanting to be a SAHM.  His mom was one, so he was cool with me being at home.  The plan was for me to go back to work when my youngest started K.  

We sat down and went over his new duties when I went back to work (sick days, doctor's visits, etc....he's the one that can take sick leave for family) and he said I could continue to SAH.  I said I would work if something fell in my lap.  I started a PT job at a church two weeks before my youngest started K.  LOL!  I work 10 hours/week, volunteer in the school library, lead DD's GS troop, and volunteered to be on the PTA.  I still have free time.    

HousewifeNina
by Silver Member on Oct. 8, 2012 at 3:24 PM
It was a major discussion BEFORE marriage. We wouldnt have married if we wouldnt have agreed on the major discussions (children, religion, money) .
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