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My dd is so mad.. She lives with her bf and his parents. She thinks this is so wrong and she wanted me to post and get you guys' opinions on this:

Both of his parents don't work. They have their home registered as a church so they pay no taxes even though they do no church type activities at all there. His mom gets child support for the bf and his little brother. The step father gets disability.

Her bf gets 1,000/month to go to college from the veterens benifits because the step dad is disabled.  When he got his check this month (it's the first check, school just started) His parents insisted that her bf give them half of it. Then bf got a student loan of 680.00 that he will end up having to pay back. It came on a debit-type card. Yesterday, his parents decided they wanted to go on a date day. His mom went in his room and demanded his card. Then she wanted the code. Bf told her that it was his money for school. She told him that she would leave him some.

They were gone all day long! When they got home last night, bf asked for his card back and my dd said that he had to beg for it! When he got it back his mom told him that she had left him 300 on it. They had spent over half of it.

Her bf just went and got his driver's license and his parents promised him a pick up that they had bought for him. He passed but they won't let him drive it. They still have to get up 3 hours early so they can catch the bus into town. They go to school M,W, and Fridays. His step dad insists all of a sudden that he wants to go fishing every morning and needs the truck. Does any of this sound right to you?

On top of all of this, my dd is resopnsible for cleaning the house and they are in charge of the cooking dinner 5 days out of the week. DD told me that they never leave their bedroom. DD and her bf are not allowed to close the bedroom door at any time and she found out that the other morning, the step dad got up early and was walking around nude while she slept with the bedroom door open right across the hall. These people really disturb me. What are your thoughts? Am I over reacting?

by on Oct. 26, 2012 at 10:11 AM
Replies (31-40):
jmetz4
by on Oct. 26, 2012 at 11:08 AM
I'd be helping her and her bf get out of there. I saw you said that he can't stay with you and i am assuming she really wanted to live with him. Ask about them finding a studio apt. Or a one bedroom. Close to school so they don't need the truck. Not only is this an awkward situation for her, it doesn't sound good for him. Have you talked to him about his parents behavior? Not really the walking around naked because while that is weird hat might just be them. But taking his money and such. Personally I would probably try to help them get their own place. My parents let my bf live with them before we got married. Separate bedrooms. After the wedding they let us live there for just over two months while we got our own place. Take out the him living with you part though :-)
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davnrori
by on Oct. 26, 2012 at 11:10 AM
1 mom liked this

 I can understand your concern about the goings on as it relates to your daughter, i.e. the father walking around naked. However, most of what you wrote had to do with the BF's parents financial situation and their treatment of their son. As you said in your response to a PP, your daughter chose to live in that situation. Unless she had only been dating the BF for a short period of time before she moved in, she knew what it was like there. The BF has a past/present of dealing drugs, trouble with the law, and stealing- obviously his home life isn't ideal. I suspect that he has to live at home because he has a poor credit score and it also sounds as if neither he nor your daughter are working or paying rent to his parents. I think it is completely fair that she has to clean the house and cook. The parents opened their home to her and are allowing their son and your daughter to share a room, albeit with the door open (like that makes it any better? Idk.). Her choices are pretty easy- She can move out and move back home with her own family or she can continue to live with her BF's parents. As you said, she CHOSE to live there for some reason. Is she over 18? With her stellar example of decision making, what with the drug-dealing-law-trouble-having-stealing-BF, my advice to you would be to wash your hands of the situation and let her figure it out on her own. It'll be a hard lesson but she needs to learn that CHOICES have consequences.

Erna2
by Platinum Member on Oct. 26, 2012 at 11:11 AM

No, his parents control him like a child. Dd told him that they need to find jobs, save up and move. But he doesn't even look. He listens to his parents and they don't want him to work because they will lose the child support for him.

Quoting Abigail0210:

Wow...  I would do everything to get my DD out of there

Can they move out?


cLanief
by Gold Member on Oct. 26, 2012 at 11:12 AM
Tell your daughter to run and run fast! No good can come of living in that situation ... Unless she wants to be "trailer trash".
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NyiaBaby216
by Silver Member on Oct. 26, 2012 at 11:13 AM
Sounds like shes in denial about how bad it really is over there. :( Either that or shes just okay with it

Quoting Erna2:

I have been doing that. She told me the other day, that her bf's mom told her that dd should apply for foodstamps and just give her the card. She told dd that she would give her "some" cash for it. Dd just keeps telling me that her bf is going to talk to them and it will be fine. I can't drag her home....or I would...

Quoting NyiaBaby216:

You're still her parent, are you not? I get that she's grown and making her own decisions, but trying to bring her to the light is still something you can do. Theres always something you can do. Sit her down and explain that her living situation is far from healthy. Nothing good can come from it. Soon his parents will be using her for her money too.



Quoting Erna2:

No, but she is 20, there is nothing I can do about it.

Quoting NyiaBaby216:

And you're okay with your DD being around this kind of guy?





Quoting Erna2:

We have 4 other kids that live here. None of which likes him. My dh and I have found out about his dealing drugs and being in trouble with the law. That's why they moved here. I also know the parents of his last gf told me that he was stealing from them as well.

Quoting NyiaBaby216:

Can I ask why? Not being rude at all. Just curious and I get everyone has their own rules, but him staying with you isnt any different than her staying over there. Minus the fact that with you, he wont be getting used.







Quoting Erna2:

We would not allow the bf to live here but she can come home anytime..

Quoting NyiaBaby216:

Over reacting? No, not IMO. That family sounds like a piece of work. Is there any way they could stay with you?





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Sweet_Britt
by on Oct. 26, 2012 at 11:13 AM
It surprises me how much control some of the moms think they'll have control who they will "allow" or "let" their kids be around or do when they're adults.

Good luck to you guys!

OP - that seriously sucks. The BF shouldn't be handing over his card.
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jmetz4
by on Oct. 26, 2012 at 11:15 AM
So i just read all of the replies. Wow... i would just keep supporting her and telling her she can come home. Is his drug dealing and stealing continuing? Still tell her to get their own place. Tell her that if she doesn't want to move home that maybe she should go get her own place and tell bf that he is welcome to come over but she cant live like that anymore. That's all I've got. Good luck.
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Erna2
by Platinum Member on Oct. 26, 2012 at 11:17 AM

I totally agree with you there. I have been letting her make her own decitions. She is texting me and complaining about it. I told her the same things, they need to sit down and talkto his parents. It's not that she has to clean up, it's that they actually treat her like a maid. She was trying to do some homework the other day and her bf's step dad started yelling at her that she needed to clean because his house getting cleaned was more important than her school work. She does ALL the cleaning. He was telling her that the bathroom in the master bedroom needed to be scrubbed along with the other bathroom that her bf and his brother uses..

Quoting davnrori:

 I can understand your concern about the goings on as it relates to your daughter, i.e. the father walking around naked. However, most of what you wrote had to do with the BF's parents financial situation and their treatment of their son. As you said in your response to a PP, your daughter chose to live in that situation. Unless she had only been dating the BF for a short period of time before she moved in, she knew what it was like there. The BF has a past/present of dealing drugs, trouble with the law, and stealing- obviously his home life isn't ideal. I suspect that he has to live at home because he has a poor credit score and it also sounds as if neither he nor your daughter are working or paying rent to his parents. I think it is completely fair that she has to clean the house and cook. The parents opened their home to her and are allowing their son and your daughter to share a room, albeit with the door open (like that makes it any better? Idk.). Her choices are pretty easy- She can move out and move back home with her own family or she can continue to live with her BF's parents. As you said, she CHOSE to live there for some reason. Is she over 18? With her stellar example of decision making, what with the drug-dealing-law-trouble-having-stealing-BF, my advice to you would be to wash your hands of the situation and let her figure it out on her own. It'll be a hard lesson but she needs to learn that CHOICES have consequences.


boshs1andonly
by on Oct. 26, 2012 at 11:18 AM

The whole situation sounds pretty crappy, but there's not much you can do. She's grown and despite how bad the situation is, apparently it's not bad enough for her to leave. The choice is hers to either make him man up and make things better for the two of them, or decide she's too good for that and bail. I agree that they won't get ahead with his parents using him like that, but if he refuses to stand up for them, then it's not going to get any better. 

Erna2
by Platinum Member on Oct. 26, 2012 at 11:18 AM

No, she is pissed about it. But she said that she would miss bf. They only live 3 blocks away!!!!

Quoting NyiaBaby216:

Sounds like shes in denial about how bad it really is over there. :( Either that or shes just okay with it

Quoting Erna2:

I have been doing that. She told me the other day, that her bf's mom told her that dd should apply for foodstamps and just give her the card. She told dd that she would give her "some" cash for it. Dd just keeps telling me that her bf is going to talk to them and it will be fine. I can't drag her home....or I would...

Quoting NyiaBaby216:

You're still her parent, are you not? I get that she's grown and making her own decisions, but trying to bring her to the light is still something you can do. Theres always something you can do. Sit her down and explain that her living situation is far from healthy. Nothing good can come from it. Soon his parents will be using her for her money too.



Quoting Erna2:

No, but she is 20, there is nothing I can do about it.

Quoting NyiaBaby216:

And you're okay with your DD being around this kind of guy?





Quoting Erna2:

We have 4 other kids that live here. None of which likes him. My dh and I have found out about his dealing drugs and being in trouble with the law. That's why they moved here. I also know the parents of his last gf told me that he was stealing from them as well.

Quoting NyiaBaby216:

Can I ask why? Not being rude at all. Just curious and I get everyone has their own rules, but him staying with you isnt any different than her staying over there. Minus the fact that with you, he wont be getting used.







Quoting Erna2:

We would not allow the bf to live here but she can come home anytime..

Quoting NyiaBaby216:

Over reacting? No, not IMO. That family sounds like a piece of work. Is there any way they could stay with you?






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