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The CafeMom Newcomers Club The CafeMom Newcomers Club

Flirting...when you're married!

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Poll

Question: Is it ever okay to flirt when you're married (with someone other than your spouse)?

Options:

Sure, a little flirting is harmless.

No way - it's not appropriate.


Only group members can vote in this poll.

Total Votes: 725

View Results


by on Nov. 6, 2012 at 12:54 PM
Replies (81-90):
sonnyswoman75
by on Nov. 7, 2012 at 1:45 PM
2 moms liked this
Yep at the end of the day its who you are with that counts

Quoting SpiritedWitch:

This is us. I am not worried and neither is he. We both are natural flirts. I am confident and secure in my relationship. I know that he comes home to me and vice versa.


Quoting Fellie:

Of course it's okay...O.o You people are weird. Maybe you guys should look up the definition of flirting. :P Hubby & I both flirt shamelessly with just about everybody. Usually at the same time. lol


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ZsMommy
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Is it Saturday yet? I want to sleep in! (lol)
Yesterday at 5:19 AM
by on Nov. 7, 2012 at 1:48 PM


Quoting TableforSeven:

Completely inappropriate to flirt once married (except with your spouse).

Agree

Mrs.Kubalabuku
by Silver Member on Nov. 7, 2012 at 1:54 PM
2 moms liked this

Certain cues, that you have little to no control over, can make you seem flirty.  For example:
If a good looking man comes up, you voice WILL go up in pitch.  This makes you sound more feminine, and therefore more fertile.
You are more likely to smile at a man you find attractive.
You are more likely to make eye contact with a man you find attractive.

It is all subconscious, how we are wired.  But, we have control of our emotions and actions.  It's the same as wanting to hang a picture in your home.  You're going to get something you like, b/c you don't like looking at things you don't like.  Plain and simple.  Your body and behaviors will subconsciously react to certain "triggers" in the men you see.  

Men are more likely to pick up on or percieve flirting.  This is also due to our basic evolution: Men didn't need to be as scrupulous about mates, b/c their participation in creating a child was small and not time consuming.  Women are more likely to dismiss flirting or not pick up on it if they are not attracted to the man, b/c women carry the baby for 9 months, become very vulnerable, and then deal with a child for years.  Women are more selective.  So for a woman, she has to be SURE of her mate.  A man, less so.  He'll dive in, hope for the best, and if he's rejected he'll move on.  A woman will be more likely to take her time.

Also, men are more likely to flirt with you if you are attractive and to think you are flirting with them.  B/c on a subconscious level, they have nothing to lose if you reject them, but they have a lot to gain.  Men are more likely to flirt with any girl they find attractive, whereas women are more likely to only go for certain types.

And to complicate matters even MORE:  Women's "types" change as they go through their monthly cycle!  Whe you are fertile, you are more likely to be drawn to masculine men, b/c the signs of masculinity also indicate good testosterone and therefore good fertility.  But it comes with the downside of him being more likely to be aggressive or unresponsive to emotional needs.  When you are less fertile, you are more likely to be attracted to baby faces.  Less testosterone, less fertile, but they are more likely to respond to the emotional needs and take care of you.

So really, even if you try not to flirt, it will happen on some level if you find the man attractive.  And, even if you are not attracted and not flirting but they think you are a pretty girl, they are more likely to TRY and flirt b/c the worst that can happen is you say no and they move on!

*hops off educational podium*

Quoting angeleyes16:

I work as a cashier, and I'm always really friendly. Sometimes guys will take that as flirting. I don't ever flirt on purpose, or make any suggestions that I would feel uncomfortable with my dh doing with other women. 


Ultra_
by Bronze Member on Nov. 7, 2012 at 1:57 PM

Lol. So true!

Quoting Megan11587:

 lol.  When you have to explain a joke to everyone, it just didn't fly.

Quoting Liyoness:

I don't think you understand how to use sarcasm.
Quoting mommysangelface:

Since you took that seriously then you failed

But I know its hard to read when someone is being sarcastic

Quoting Liyoness:

Wow. Comprehension FAIL.
Quoting mommysangelface:

So if your comfortable having sex in the car with your husband, you can do it with anyone in the car?

Quoting angevil53:

Depends. You should never do anything you wouldn't feel comfortable with your dh doing.



miss_AP
by on Nov. 7, 2012 at 2:00 PM

Doesn't bother me. The SO i just broke up with was very charming nad flirty by nature, didn't bug me since I got it too. My exh couldnt' flirt his way out of a box so.....no worries there, lol. I am super open and friendly and like to joke and tease on a humorous/intellectual level....and that is often seen as flirting. I'm ok with it. Any guy I'm with will have to be okay with it to. He either likes me as I am and trsuts me or he doesn't. If he can't deal, he's too uptight for me.

angeleyes16
by Danielle on Nov. 7, 2012 at 2:01 PM

That's all pretty interesting. =) 

Quoting Mrs.Kubalabuku:

Certain cues, that you have little to no control over, can make you seem flirty.  For example:
If a good looking man comes up, you voice WILL go up in pitch.  This makes you sound more feminine, and therefore more fertile.
You are more likely to smile at a man you find attractive.
You are more likely to make eye contact with a man you find attractive.

It is all subconscious, how we are wired.  But, we have control of our emotions and actions.  It's the same as wanting to hang a picture in your home.  You're going to get something you like, b/c you don't like looking at things you don't like.  Plain and simple.  Your body and behaviors will subconsciously react to certain "triggers" in the men you see.  

Men are more likely to pick up on or percieve flirting.  This is also due to our basic evolution: Men didn't need to be as scrupulous about mates, b/c their participation in creating a child was small and not time consuming.  Women are more likely to dismiss flirting or not pick up on it if they are not attracted to the man, b/c women carry the baby for 9 months, become very vulnerable, and then deal with a child for years.  Women are more selective.  So for a woman, she has to be SURE of her mate.  A man, less so.  He'll dive in, hope for the best, and if he's rejected he'll move on.  A woman will be more likely to take her time.

Also, men are more likely to flirt with you if you are attractive and to think you are flirting with them.  B/c on a subconscious level, they have nothing to lose if you reject them, but they have a lot to gain.  Men are more likely to flirt with any girl they find attractive, whereas women are more likely to only go for certain types.

And to complicate matters even MORE:  Women's "types" change as they go through their monthly cycle!  Whe you are fertile, you are more likely to be drawn to masculine men, b/c the signs of masculinity also indicate good testosterone and therefore good fertility.  But it comes with the downside of him being more likely to be aggressive or unresponsive to emotional needs.  When you are less fertile, you are more likely to be attracted to baby faces.  Less testosterone, less fertile, but they are more likely to respond to the emotional needs and take care of you.

So really, even if you try not to flirt, it will happen on some level if you find the man attractive.  And, even if you are not attracted and not flirting but they think you are a pretty girl, they are more likely to TRY and flirt b/c the worst that can happen is you say no and they move on!

*hops off educational podium*

Quoting angeleyes16:

I work as a cashier, and I'm always really friendly. Sometimes guys will take that as flirting. I don't ever flirt on purpose, or make any suggestions that I would feel uncomfortable with my dh doing with other women. 



Mrs.Kubalabuku
by Silver Member on Nov. 7, 2012 at 2:15 PM

LOL, thanks.  I'm thinking of pursuing a degree as a sex therapist.  :)    I fisrt got into all this human behavior/sexuality stuff during an AP BIO course, but I joined the military after school.  Now that I'm out, DH thinks I should help people with all my random knowledge.

Quoting angeleyes16:

That's all pretty interesting. =) 

Quoting Mrs.Kubalabuku:

Certain cues, that you have little to no control over, can make you seem flirty.  For example:
If a good looking man comes up, you voice WILL go up in pitch.  This makes you sound more feminine, and therefore more fertile.
You are more likely to smile at a man you find attractive.
You are more likely to make eye contact with a man you find attractive.

It is all subconscious, how we are wired.  But, we have control of our emotions and actions.  It's the same as wanting to hang a picture in your home.  You're going to get something you like, b/c you don't like looking at things you don't like.  Plain and simple.  Your body and behaviors will subconsciously react to certain "triggers" in the men you see.  

Men are more likely to pick up on or percieve flirting.  This is also due to our basic evolution: Men didn't need to be as scrupulous about mates, b/c their participation in creating a child was small and not time consuming.  Women are more likely to dismiss flirting or not pick up on it if they are not attracted to the man, b/c women carry the baby for 9 months, become very vulnerable, and then deal with a child for years.  Women are more selective.  So for a woman, she has to be SURE of her mate.  A man, less so.  He'll dive in, hope for the best, and if he's rejected he'll move on.  A woman will be more likely to take her time.

Also, men are more likely to flirt with you if you are attractive and to think you are flirting with them.  B/c on a subconscious level, they have nothing to lose if you reject them, but they have a lot to gain.  Men are more likely to flirt with any girl they find attractive, whereas women are more likely to only go for certain types.

And to complicate matters even MORE:  Women's "types" change as they go through their monthly cycle!  Whe you are fertile, you are more likely to be drawn to masculine men, b/c the signs of masculinity also indicate good testosterone and therefore good fertility.  But it comes with the downside of him being more likely to be aggressive or unresponsive to emotional needs.  When you are less fertile, you are more likely to be attracted to baby faces.  Less testosterone, less fertile, but they are more likely to respond to the emotional needs and take care of you.

So really, even if you try not to flirt, it will happen on some level if you find the man attractive.  And, even if you are not attracted and not flirting but they think you are a pretty girl, they are more likely to TRY and flirt b/c the worst that can happen is you say no and they move on!

*hops off educational podium*

Quoting angeleyes16:

I work as a cashier, and I'm always really friendly. Sometimes guys will take that as flirting. I don't ever flirt on purpose, or make any suggestions that I would feel uncomfortable with my dh doing with other women. 




angeleyes16
by Danielle on Nov. 7, 2012 at 2:17 PM

You could. What exactly does a sex therapist do? I always imagine them putting couples into weird positions like you see on Meet the Fockers lol.

Quoting Mrs.Kubalabuku:

LOL, thanks.  I'm thinking of pursuing a degree as a sex therapist.  :)    I fisrt got into all this human behavior/sexuality stuff during an AP BIO course, but I joined the military after school.  Now that I'm out, DH thinks I should help people with all my random knowledge.

Quoting angeleyes16:

That's all pretty interesting. =) 

Quoting Mrs.Kubalabuku:

Certain cues, that you have little to no control over, can make you seem flirty.  For example:
If a good looking man comes up, you voice WILL go up in pitch.  This makes you sound more feminine, and therefore more fertile.
You are more likely to smile at a man you find attractive.
You are more likely to make eye contact with a man you find attractive.

It is all subconscious, how we are wired.  But, we have control of our emotions and actions.  It's the same as wanting to hang a picture in your home.  You're going to get something you like, b/c you don't like looking at things you don't like.  Plain and simple.  Your body and behaviors will subconsciously react to certain "triggers" in the men you see.  

Men are more likely to pick up on or percieve flirting.  This is also due to our basic evolution: Men didn't need to be as scrupulous about mates, b/c their participation in creating a child was small and not time consuming.  Women are more likely to dismiss flirting or not pick up on it if they are not attracted to the man, b/c women carry the baby for 9 months, become very vulnerable, and then deal with a child for years.  Women are more selective.  So for a woman, she has to be SURE of her mate.  A man, less so.  He'll dive in, hope for the best, and if he's rejected he'll move on.  A woman will be more likely to take her time.

Also, men are more likely to flirt with you if you are attractive and to think you are flirting with them.  B/c on a subconscious level, they have nothing to lose if you reject them, but they have a lot to gain.  Men are more likely to flirt with any girl they find attractive, whereas women are more likely to only go for certain types.

And to complicate matters even MORE:  Women's "types" change as they go through their monthly cycle!  Whe you are fertile, you are more likely to be drawn to masculine men, b/c the signs of masculinity also indicate good testosterone and therefore good fertility.  But it comes with the downside of him being more likely to be aggressive or unresponsive to emotional needs.  When you are less fertile, you are more likely to be attracted to baby faces.  Less testosterone, less fertile, but they are more likely to respond to the emotional needs and take care of you.

So really, even if you try not to flirt, it will happen on some level if you find the man attractive.  And, even if you are not attracted and not flirting but they think you are a pretty girl, they are more likely to TRY and flirt b/c the worst that can happen is you say no and they move on!

*hops off educational podium*

Quoting angeleyes16:

I work as a cashier, and I'm always really friendly. Sometimes guys will take that as flirting. I don't ever flirt on purpose, or make any suggestions that I would feel uncomfortable with my dh doing with other women. 





Mrs.Kubalabuku
by Silver Member on Nov. 7, 2012 at 2:27 PM

Most sex therapists are psychaitrists/psychologists with a specialty in sexual therapy.  It's like going to an OB for a yearly PAP instead of your general practioner.  Sex therapy is mostly talk therapy.  You don't try to force someone who wants less sex into wanting more, but perhaps help the couple talk about their differences and make the sex more meaningful, and help fill in the gaps in intimacy that one may be feeling when their partner has a lower sex drive.

Sex therapists are kind of neat.  They can view sex and human sexuality from a purely practical, scientific standpoint.  They know about biological triggers, mental triggers, and what may cause issues.  They often work with the couple's normal doctors to help address hormone or health related sex issues.  (As in, she has been experience pain and therefore doesn't want it.  Well, a therapist could help her find ways to be intimate and get her over the fear of pain, but her doctor would make sure her physical condidion was not part of the problem.) 

It isn't so much teaching people HOW to have sex, it's more about helping couples overcome issues with sex.  

Quoting angeleyes16:

You could. What exactly does a sex therapist do? I always imagine them putting couples into weird positions like you see on Meet the Fockers lol.

Quoting Mrs.Kubalabuku:

LOL, thanks.  I'm thinking of pursuing a degree as a sex therapist.  :)    I fisrt got into all this human behavior/sexuality stuff during an AP BIO course, but I joined the military after school.  Now that I'm out, DH thinks I should help people with all my random knowledge.

Quoting angeleyes16:

That's all pretty interesting. =) 

Quoting Mrs.Kubalabuku:

Certain cues, that you have little to no control over, can make you seem flirty.  For example:
If a good looking man comes up, you voice WILL go up in pitch.  This makes you sound more feminine, and therefore more fertile.
You are more likely to smile at a man you find attractive.
You are more likely to make eye contact with a man you find attractive.

It is all subconscious, how we are wired.  But, we have control of our emotions and actions.  It's the same as wanting to hang a picture in your home.  You're going to get something you like, b/c you don't like looking at things you don't like.  Plain and simple.  Your body and behaviors will subconsciously react to certain "triggers" in the men you see.  

Men are more likely to pick up on or percieve flirting.  This is also due to our basic evolution: Men didn't need to be as scrupulous about mates, b/c their participation in creating a child was small and not time consuming.  Women are more likely to dismiss flirting or not pick up on it if they are not attracted to the man, b/c women carry the baby for 9 months, become very vulnerable, and then deal with a child for years.  Women are more selective.  So for a woman, she has to be SURE of her mate.  A man, less so.  He'll dive in, hope for the best, and if he's rejected he'll move on.  A woman will be more likely to take her time.

Also, men are more likely to flirt with you if you are attractive and to think you are flirting with them.  B/c on a subconscious level, they have nothing to lose if you reject them, but they have a lot to gain.  Men are more likely to flirt with any girl they find attractive, whereas women are more likely to only go for certain types.

And to complicate matters even MORE:  Women's "types" change as they go through their monthly cycle!  Whe you are fertile, you are more likely to be drawn to masculine men, b/c the signs of masculinity also indicate good testosterone and therefore good fertility.  But it comes with the downside of him being more likely to be aggressive or unresponsive to emotional needs.  When you are less fertile, you are more likely to be attracted to baby faces.  Less testosterone, less fertile, but they are more likely to respond to the emotional needs and take care of you.

So really, even if you try not to flirt, it will happen on some level if you find the man attractive.  And, even if you are not attracted and not flirting but they think you are a pretty girl, they are more likely to TRY and flirt b/c the worst that can happen is you say no and they move on!

*hops off educational podium*

Quoting angeleyes16:

I work as a cashier, and I'm always really friendly. Sometimes guys will take that as flirting. I don't ever flirt on purpose, or make any suggestions that I would feel uncomfortable with my dh doing with other women. 






Velany
by on Nov. 7, 2012 at 2:47 PM

DF can be a big flirt sometimes...it doesnt bother me cause sometimes i can be as well...but its never been an issue for us to be honest its not like we are cheating or anything and we are mostly with one another all the time when it happens or sometimes its flirty over the phone as well not just in person.

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