Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

The CafeMom Newcomers Club The CafeMom Newcomers Club

The Mother-In-Law from Hell!!

Posted by on Nov. 11, 2012 at 1:19 PM
  • 86 Replies
1 mom liked this


This post is simply a vent. Just a heads up, if any trolling or bashing begins, I will delete this post.

 To sum things up, in early April my husband and I were married. I have a 5 year old daughter from a previous relationship. I've know my husband for a while and he has taken over the father-figure roll in my DD's life with the legal proceedings for adoption already in the works.  My husband is a very loving man, he is an Angel. I love him very much, but there is a BIG problem with his family. He has 3 younger brothers and his parents are still together after 31 years of marriage. I knew hubby's mother was hard to be around but everything is getting out of hand. She dictated our entire wedding. During our first dance, she cut in just to tell my husband that the wedding could have been better, and that the dancing was over because she thought we needed to be doing other things like entertaining our guests. I let it go. It was our special day and I wasn't about to let anything ruin that. In early May I found out I was pregnant. To say the least, my MIL seemed devastated. Both of my DH's younger brothers are single, and the second born son is married with now 3 kids. The 2 youngest bothers are complete @$$holes. Both of them think they are God's gift to the world. They think they are saints when in reality they are alcoholics who spend all of their time getting in trouble with the law. They are 20 & 23. The brother with a wife and kids is a decent guy. He has never gotten in trouble with the law, and goes out of his way to help other people, he is much like my husband. How 2 brothers turned out decent and how 2 brothers turned out like scum, I'll never know, but I digress. My MIL didn't like that I was pregnant for some reason, and voiced her opinion clearly. She got just what she wanted when I had a miscarriage in July. She was so relieved and couldn't have been happier at one of the lowest points in my life. At that point my husband and I were living about 30 minutes from his parents, but after the miscarriage I needed the support from my family, so we moved closer downtown to them. It wasn't a big issue, our lease was up and we were looking for a new place. My family happened to be 2 hours away from where we lived in July and about 2 ½ total from my In-laws. My MIL was infuriated when she found out where we were moving. Around that same time, the in-laws house was foreclosed on because they ‘didn't feel like paying the mortgage' (that was quoting them) and they were forced out, choosing a residence 2 hours north of where they were when we moved. Right now, they live about 4 ½ hours away from us since we each moved in opposite directions. Fast-forward a bit and a month ago hubby transferred his job down here where we are now instead of traveling 2 hours every morning and 2 hours in the evening home. It was a smart choice, or so we thought, but not with MIL. She said that her son was SUPPOSED to be traveling that far because it gave her security that even though he was working, he was closer to her home than if he worked down here. About a month ago, our finances were okay enough so that we could travel the 4 ½ hours to his parents' house for a weekend visit. I protested about going because I am tired of being treated like crap, but I caved in order to make him happy. When got there Friday afternoon, and we had a fairly nice visit. I was beginning to wonder why I had really not liked his family in the 1st place. The same thing happened Saturday, the visit went well and we were really happy and close. Saturday night I had woken up with a nightmare at 1am and I went downstairs at the in-laws to get a drink of water. My hubby followed me down. 5 minutes after we were downstairs the 3rd born brother came down and asked what was wrong. I told him I had a bad dream, no biggie and couldn't sleep. He took that as an opening to attack me. He started telling me that I let things get to me too easily and I needed to grow up and from there his ‘grow-up' speech turned into an attack on my parenting skills, and my husband's horrible choice in a wife. When he was done he went back upstairs feeling like a boss. He was elated from belittling me. The guy, who is younger that me, and single, without any children, had the nerve to tell me and my husband off. The next morning my at breakfast my hubby tried to explain what had happened to my MIL and she said she already knew everything, that she was on the younger brothers side on this and didn't want to get into it. Well, apparently she did because there was an awkward silence after that before she began SCREAMING at ME. She told me that she was proud of the younger brother and I had it coming, that EVERY member of the family had felt this way for a while and every one of them had wanted to say it too but couldn't work up the courage. She continued with they hated my guts, that THEY were a family before I came along and ruined everything by marrying my husband and they would do ANYTHING to get my husband to leave his new family and to be with them again. For the 1st time in our relationship, my husband stood up and began defending me. His mother told him to shut up and sit down, and so he did. I stood and began walking out of the room while she was disrespecting me and I got the same order from her, only I ignored her to go outside for some air. She followed me outside screaming at me, telling me I am not good enough for her baby boy, and I was just supposed to be just another girl that came into her sons' life. That EVERY single bad decision my husband makes is MY fault and will continue to be because their son is perfect. (Again, that is quoting her) She was happy for our miscarriage and wanted my hubby to stay up there with them while my DD and I went back home. She said she would NEVER love my DD like one of her own because she in fact wasn't HER blood grandchild. The woman had the nerve to say that in front of my little girl. MILs husband came outside and forced the woman away from me telling her she had gone mad and he began apologizing for her behavior. He and hubby tried to calm her down but she was still on fire and it wasn't until she was forced inside that she calmed at all. FIL & hubby tried to calm me down as I was very upset at this point. FIL explained that he does NOT share in the same opinions as his wife and he loves me and my DD very much. He told me that the place was HIS home and regardless of what his wife says I AM welcome at any time. He was very upset at her behavior and told me he would talk to her and none of this would have happened if he had been in the room (FIL has never said a single bad thing to me ever, for the record). Hubby, DD and I packed our few things and went home after that. Like I said, it was a month ago, and DH hasn't talked to them since. The bother that had been so rude to us had been hubby's best friend for years and DH felt betrayed.  Hubby wanted to avoid any further drama, so he didn't call his mother, nor did she call him. This morning I awake to the phone ringing and DH answered. He was only on the call 3-4 minutes and declined a few offers. When he hung up he explained that his mother called and said she wanted DH to come go to breakfast with her and her husband to discuss HIM moving up there with them. She had a job lined up for him and he would stay with THEM. DD and I were not welcome, and he could have the weekends off to drive down here and see us if he wanted. She continued with there is a house about a mile from them, it's a 2-bedroom run-down shack, that she wants him to rent IF he didn't want to stay in her house. Again, my DD and I were to stay here and he would visit us on the weekends.  All my husband told her was he had to work, so he couldn't go to breakfast, and he would talk to me about the 2 offers.... WTH?!?! Of course, this started a huge fight between DH and I before he had to leave for work. We didn't speak on his lunch break, and now I am so upset. I pretty much asked DH to talk to his mother and to stand up for me, and he said no, that she is his mother and he is not going to. I objected with "I" am the woman HE chose to spend the rest of his life with, and he can't defend me on something like this, then I have no idea where he and I currently stand. I am VERY disappointed in him. He doesn't want to tell his mother to stop disrespecting me, and in turn HE is disrespecting me. We were going to try for another baby, but after all of this, I really don't want to. I feel sick to my stomach, my blood pressure is up, and I feel like I am on the verge of an anxiety attack. I have fought back the urge to either call or write his mother voicing my thoughts and opinions but I am not a trashy or a disrespectful person like her, and I really didn't want to add fuel to the fire that feeds her big mouth. SHE IS TRYING TO RUIN MY MARRIGE!! I TRULY HAVE MY FIRST REAL FEELINGS OF HATRED FOR THIS WOMAN. I DISPISE HER WITH A PASSION!! I've never disliked another human being as much as I do her right now. DH was pretty much babied up until the age of 26 when he decided he had enough and wanted to move out on his own. Even after he moved out he had her calling and stopping by TELLING him how he should do things in HIS life. He has NEVER had the nerve to tell this woman off, set her straight or even speak to her about getting out-of-line! He is such a push-over! I need him to man-up! Because of this ‘woman', my husband seems to have developed the inability to make decisions about ANYTHING on his own, and had I seen more of this side of him and his family, I might have decided to put marriage off for a while or indefinitely.  Sometimes I feel like we don't need another baby considering I feel like I already have now 2 children. Talking to my husband gives the same effect of talking to a wall. He just sits there and would talk back... no matter how I approach him.

Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read this, I really just needed to vent but I am more than willing to listen to others and their in-laws horror stories. 


by on Nov. 11, 2012 at 1:19 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
grey7399
by on Nov. 11, 2012 at 1:27 PM
16 moms liked this

I wouldn't have kids with this man until he becomes a man and defends you and his choice of a wife to his bitch ass mother.


He needs to make it clear to you and her who he is married to.  

Amiehart62
by Silver Member on Nov. 11, 2012 at 1:30 PM
1 mom liked this
She sounds lovelyo_O


Unfortunately most of us are marrying our MILs too:-/

Kill her with kindness and hang in there...if you leave she gets what she wants.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Due9
by on Nov. 11, 2012 at 1:31 PM

Why does his mother hate you so much?

Paperfishies
by Platinum Member on Nov. 11, 2012 at 1:35 PM
6 moms liked this
Wow. First of all you and your husband need to get into marriage counseling to try and save your marriage.
Your husband is a pussy. He has NO backbone, he needs to realize that his mom will eventually chase you away because you don't have a backbone either, do NOT allow these people to treat you like this, you show them what a strong woman you are. Do NOT back down.

If this were me, I would give my husband a choice. You either tell your mom to back the fuck off, or you lose me.

Call the phone company and have that horrid bitches number blocked.

If your husband loved you, he would have put his mom and his brother in their place LONG ago.

Tell your husband you will NOT have children with him until he can put his family in their place and be a fucking man.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
grey7399
by on Nov. 11, 2012 at 1:35 PM
1 mom liked this

I don't know about this woman, but for a lot of MILs-from-hell, it doesn't take anything except that she is a woman he chose over her as if it were possible for him to stay with her forever.


Some MIL's are so controlling, they want to be the one to chose the wife.  They want one they can control and cow.  When that doesn't happen, they lose their tiny little minds.

Quoting Due9:

Why does his mother hate you so much?


winn-winn
by Member on Nov. 11, 2012 at 1:36 PM

She hates me because in the biginning he and i spent a lot of time together like most new couples do, and now that we are married she does not have as much of a say in his life like she used to when he was single or living at home. We used to live closer to her, but now that we are hours away, we can't visit as much as she would like and she blames me for that. She and his family hate me because I 'sole' him away in their opinion. I do NOT tell my husband whether or not her can or can not visit them, everything he does is by his own choice. They don't understand that.

Quoting Due9:

Why does his mother hate you so much?


ittybit2012
by on Nov. 11, 2012 at 1:36 PM
2 moms liked this
Oh wow. Hubby needs to man up.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
sherry132
by Sherry on Nov. 11, 2012 at 1:38 PM

well, I certainly wouldn't go back for sure. As for him, tell him the offer is not ok with you and watch and see what he does. It might be the best thing you ever do. Either he will tell her hell no or he will man up. Either way, you'll be better off than you are now. 

Due9
by on Nov. 11, 2012 at 1:40 PM

MIL needs to get over her jealousy issues and try to build a relationship with DIL. I think with time, that can happen. They will all be happier if she would just stop with this controlling behavior.

Quoting grey7399:

I don't know about this woman, but for a lot of MILs-from-hell, it doesn't take anything except that she is a woman he chose over her as if it were possible for him to stay with her forever.


Some MIL's are so controlling, they want to be the one to chose the wife.  They want one they can control and cow.  When that doesn't happen, they lose their tiny little minds.

Quoting Due9:

Why does his mother hate you so much?



juggling

QueenBee107
by Bronze Member on Nov. 11, 2012 at 1:42 PM

I agree with this. good luck mama. you going to need it. 

Quoting grey7399:

I wouldn't have kids with this man until he becomes a man and defends you and his choice of a wife to his bitch ass mother.


He needs to make it clear to you and her who he is married to.  


Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)