Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

The CafeMom Newcomers Club The CafeMom Newcomers Club

What would you do if you knew a parent like this?

Posted by on Nov. 13, 2012 at 10:18 AM
  • 117 Replies
1 mom liked this

Moms Who Don't Discipline Their Kids Make Me Crazy


My friend does not believe in disciplining her 2-year-old daughter. Yes, you read that right. My friend, let's call her Lisa, once let her daughter, let's call her Megan, flush the toilet 30 times.Just because she wanted to. When both of them were at my home for dinner, I watched her daughter deliberately pour a glass of water right over my table. I had to say, "No, Megan!" while my friend just smiled.

My friend confesses that at a recent play date, her daughter smeared a gooey snack all over the host mom's bedspread. She apologized to the mom but didn't tell her kid she'd done anything wrong. I've stopped speaking to my friend on the phone while Megan is awake, because she screams endlessly while we talk, blasting a hole in my ear. My friend never once says, "Sweetie, I'm on the phone." Why does she allow all of this? "I guess it's just easier this way," my friend admits. "The truth is, I hate to make my daughter cry."

I asked my friend if she worries that Megan will grow up to be one of those people who believes she can do whatever she wants, whenever she wants, with no repercussions. "Mmmm … yeahhhh," she reluctantly admits. "But I keep hoping one day I'll start to discipline her. Right now, she's so young. I figure she's like a dog. She's not going to understand what I say anyway." Umm, okay. 

I ask my friend if this could just be making life easier for herself, and she admits it does: "If I tell her not to do something, she pitches a fit. I'd rather just clean up whatever mess she makes than argue with her." She also admits she leaves the role of "bad cop" to her husband, who is more of a discipline type. She also reveals that this is the way she herself grew up - her parents let her do whatever she liked. And, hey, she didn't turn out psycho. 

Lisa says this laissez faire attitude doesn't apply if her kid wants to do something dangerous like, say, run into traffic. But sometimes she prefers to let her kid "learn the hard way." For instance, Megan tried to touch a burning candle and, rather than warn her about it, my friend said, "Go ahead." Megan got her fingers close enough to realize that a candle was nothing to play around with, didn't get burned, and now says, "Hot hot" when she sees a candle. Says Lisa, "She'll learn her lesson that way faster than if I tell her no. If I say no, she just wants to do it more."

My friend admits to feeling guilty in allowing this parenting style to run rampant in public places. She'll take her daughter out of a restaurant or other public place if she's acting up, but there's no lecture afterwards telling her that she didn't behave. 


I've spent a lot of time with Megan (an only child) and her mom, and I've sometimes found myself in the role of disciplinarian at their house. Once when Megan was screaming at the dog for "stealing my food" (the dog was nowhere near her food), I told her in a firm voice to "knock it off." Lisa just grinned. At least my friend doesn't seem to mind if someone else takes over disciplining, but sometimes feels like a burden I don't really want. (I draw the line at letting a kid be a brat with pets!) Interestingly, Megan is very attached to me despite my drawing boundaries. She even seems to welcome them. 

Luckily, Megan is naturally a pretty good kid -- she throws tantrums and is clearly spoiled, but she's also good-hearted, loves people and animals (even the dog she screams at), and in general doesn't act like too much of a lunatic. But I do wonder how she'll fare in the real world one day. And I do feel sorry for her future teachers! 

Does it make you crazy when moms let their kids run the house?

I would so not be able to be around this mother, if one of my friends decided to parent like this I think that would have to be the end of the friendship sadly.

by on Nov. 13, 2012 at 10:18 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
A.J.s_mommy
by Ruby Member on Nov. 13, 2012 at 10:24 AM
My niece does what she wants at all times. She's 3. I could scream 95% of the time when she's around.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Rowdys.Mommy
by Gold Member on Nov. 13, 2012 at 10:27 AM

How does Mom justify that? I just dont get how anyone could think its healthy!

Quoting A.J.s_mommy:

My niece does what she wants at all times. She's 3. I could scream 95% of the time when she's around.


christina0607
by on Nov. 13, 2012 at 10:28 AM
8 moms liked this

sounds like about  80% of parents today.

Which is why I can't stand most people or their bratty kids.

Make someone happy today, mind your own business.

A.J.s_mommy
by Ruby Member on Nov. 13, 2012 at 10:31 AM
They don't. They don't say anything at all. They don't even attempt to correct her. She has a foul mouth, talks back, and screams like a maniac if anyone attempts to correct her. They laugh when she uses foul language, but she gets those words from them I'm the first place.

Quoting Rowdys.Mommy:

How does Mom justify that? I just dont get how anyone could think its healthy!

Quoting A.J.s_mommy:

My niece does what she wants at all times. She's 3. I could scream 95% of the time when she's around.


Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
LoveMyLos
by on Nov. 13, 2012 at 10:32 AM
3 moms liked this
Gawd! I could not be friends. Not only bc the kids would be horrid, but i dont want my little heethens learning shit. I have enough issues without adding more!
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
mom_to_kenzie
by Member on Nov. 13, 2012 at 10:33 AM
1 mom liked this
Bump to answer later when I don't have a tired kid to attend to.
Rowdys.Mommy
by Gold Member on Nov. 13, 2012 at 10:36 AM

oh that is horrible and so sad for the little girl!

Quoting A.J.s_mommy:

They don't. They don't say anything at all. They don't even attempt to correct her. She has a foul mouth, talks back, and screams like a maniac if anyone attempts to correct her. They laugh when she uses foul language, but she gets those words from them I'm the first place.


wildlilacs
by on Nov. 13, 2012 at 10:37 AM
Mom will learn the hard way also.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
A.J.s_mommy
by Ruby Member on Nov. 13, 2012 at 10:37 AM
Yep! I can see her being without many friends. People aren't going to want her around their children.

Quoting Rowdys.Mommy:

oh that is horrible and so sad for the little girl!

Quoting A.J.s_mommy:

They don't. They don't say anything at all. They don't even attempt to correct her. She has a foul mouth, talks back, and screams like a maniac if anyone attempts to correct her. They laugh when she uses foul language, but she gets those words from them I'm the first place.




Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
mich.el.le
by on Nov. 13, 2012 at 10:39 AM

I wouldn't hang out with her anymore.  Either that or I'd tell her that if she was going to come over, she had better follow my rules for my house and be the one to correct her daughter, not me.

The woman in the avi pic is not me, she is my inspiration.  I am a wife, a mother, and an aspiring trainer and nutritionist. I love seeing people get fit and healthy to lead the lives they are meant to live.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN