Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

What would you do if you knew a parent like this?

Posted by   + Show Post

Moms Who Don't Discipline Their Kids Make Me Crazy

My friend does not believe in disciplining her 2-year-old daughter. Yes, you read that right. My friend, let's call her Lisa, once let her daughter, let's call her Megan, flush the toilet 30 times.Just because she wanted to. When both of them were at my home for dinner, I watched her daughter deliberately pour a glass of water right over my table. I had to say, "No, Megan!" while my friend just smiled.

My friend confesses that at a recent play date, her daughter smeared a gooey snack all over the host mom's bedspread. She apologized to the mom but didn't tell her kid she'd done anything wrong. I've stopped speaking to my friend on the phone while Megan is awake, because she screams endlessly while we talk, blasting a hole in my ear. My friend never once says, "Sweetie, I'm on the phone." Why does she allow all of this? "I guess it's just easier this way," my friend admits. "The truth is, I hate to make my daughter cry."

I asked my friend if she worries that Megan will grow up to be one of those people who believes she can do whatever she wants, whenever she wants, with no repercussions. "Mmmm … yeahhhh," she reluctantly admits. "But I keep hoping one day I'll start to discipline her. Right now, she's so young. I figure she's like a dog. She's not going to understand what I say anyway." Umm, okay. 

I ask my friend if this could just be making life easier for herself, and she admits it does: "If I tell her not to do something, she pitches a fit. I'd rather just clean up whatever mess she makes than argue with her." She also admits she leaves the role of "bad cop" to her husband, who is more of a discipline type. She also reveals that this is the way she herself grew up - her parents let her do whatever she liked. And, hey, she didn't turn out psycho. 

Lisa says this laissez faire attitude doesn't apply if her kid wants to do something dangerous like, say, run into traffic. But sometimes she prefers to let her kid "learn the hard way." For instance, Megan tried to touch a burning candle and, rather than warn her about it, my friend said, "Go ahead." Megan got her fingers close enough to realize that a candle was nothing to play around with, didn't get burned, and now says, "Hot hot" when she sees a candle. Says Lisa, "She'll learn her lesson that way faster than if I tell her no. If I say no, she just wants to do it more."

My friend admits to feeling guilty in allowing this parenting style to run rampant in public places. She'll take her daughter out of a restaurant or other public place if she's acting up, but there's no lecture afterwards telling her that she didn't behave. 

I've spent a lot of time with Megan (an only child) and her mom, and I've sometimes found myself in the role of disciplinarian at their house. Once when Megan was screaming at the dog for "stealing my food" (the dog was nowhere near her food), I told her in a firm voice to "knock it off." Lisa just grinned. At least my friend doesn't seem to mind if someone else takes over disciplining, but sometimes feels like a burden I don't really want. (I draw the line at letting a kid be a brat with pets!) Interestingly, Megan is very attached to me despite my drawing boundaries. She even seems to welcome them. 

Luckily, Megan is naturally a pretty good kid -- she throws tantrums and is clearly spoiled, but she's also good-hearted, loves people and animals (even the dog she screams at), and in general doesn't act like too much of a lunatic. But I do wonder how she'll fare in the real world one day. And I do feel sorry for her future teachers! 

Does it make you crazy when moms let their kids run the house?

I would so not be able to be around this mother, if one of my friends decided to parent like this I think that would have to be the end of the friendship sadly.

by on Nov. 13, 2012 at 10:18 AM
Replies (101-110):
by on Nov. 13, 2012 at 5:25 PM
I personally couldn't handle being friends w/ someone like that, or allowing my child around theirs.
by on Nov. 13, 2012 at 8:34 PM

That would be very irritating. I don't "like" yelling at my dd either (who will be two in about a week and a half.) But it's not about liking it. Now granted I don't actually YELL (most of the time.) But disciplining her is a part of my job as a mom. Yes there are certain times where she will have to learn things the hard way; but that philosophy shouldn't be applied to her everyday behavior, such as yelling, throwing tantrums, saying innapropriate words, etc. It is a parent's job not only verbailize values and morals that they believe their child(ren) should uphold thru communication and discipline, but also they should set an example of how their child should be acting. 

by on Nov. 13, 2012 at 8:49 PM
1 mom liked this
What's also bad is when a friend won't discipline their child but yours for doing the same thing, claiming that your child should be punished because their older. But, its okay for them to act out, and not finish their dinner and get candy, but mine has to eat every single bite. It's not that i don't step in and say things but sometimes its hard when you agree with what's said but at the same time be annoyed that one can do it while my kid is sitting either in trouble, etc. And saying that it would be okay if their child became a bully, because kids are to wimpy. And getting whatever they want even if they have been bad, or mean to someone else. My daughter is sensitive to what people say, and when their child hurts her not always on purpose she's labled a wimp, or crybaby. It's hurtful, because kids shouldn't act that way towards eachother!
by Emmy on Nov. 13, 2012 at 8:53 PM

i have EX friends for that very reason...couldn't stand being around their wimpiness when it came to being a parent

by on Nov. 13, 2012 at 8:57 PM
This is myself and my friend. Her 5yr old acts the same way with her, but listens to me. I am strict, J knows it but she still loves me lol. She is my little bestie and is always attached at my hip.

It drives me crazy, many things she does makes me crazy. I tell her about herself in a blunt but not mean way and it gets me nowhere lol.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by Silver Member on Nov. 14, 2012 at 7:03 AM
1 mom liked this

I would leave it alone. They aren't my kids. 

If the kids that weren't being disciplined were ever in my house though they would follow my rules in my house. 

Otherwise. I would stay out of it. I refuse to tell another parent how to raise their own kids.

by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 7:36 AM
1 mom liked this

If I had a friend that did not discipline their child even if it was different from my form I would not be around that friend if they had their child if I were not allowed to say something to said child at least in my home. I cannot control what someone allows in their home but I can in mine and I have no problem with not allowing a child to do what they want in my home. I do not care what they are allowed to do at their home or what their rules are, but in my house they will be followed and if mommy and daddy do not like it they know where the door is and they can leave whenever.If you cannot discipline your kid at least in someone else's home then you should not take them to another home. I would not take my child in public acting like they have no damn sense much less just allow them to destroy other peoples things or just misbehave. So no I would not be hanging out with my said friend if they did that when their kid was around.

by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 9:07 AM

I don't know anyone like that, but people tell me I let my son get away with stuff he shouldn't like throwing his toys down. I don't know I figure if he breaks them they are his anyway, but I definately draw the line when we are in someone else's home or he is playing with their things. And if he does something I think is wrong he gets told it was wrong and why.

by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 10:29 AM
1 mom liked this

Totally agree with Ladymadrox I get so sick of people calling kids crybabies and whimps or a sissy, like really because they actually show their emotions instead of hiding them. Parents need to stop and think that they get their feelings hurt too so why is it wrong when it happens to your child and they express that?? I think our society could use a lot more people who know it's ok to express yourself in a healthy way. As parents we need to remember it takes time to learn how to handle our emotions without having a huge meltdown, critiisizing our kids isn't going to help them do that it is just going to make them feel worse about theirselves. Also having more bullies won't help kids "not be wimps" it will just make them more withdrawn.

by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 7:11 PM
1 mom liked this

RowdysMommy, We had friends yrs. ago who lived next door.. He was a local Police Officer, a really good guy.. His wife was sooooo lazy.. When she'd come over w/her DD, Sarah in the morning, her DD would pull off her diaper, go pee wherever she felt like it.. Next to my recliner was my collection of albums.. She sat on these/pissed all over them.. I smelled it later on while watching tv not knowing what it was.. I was sooooo angry.. I told the mom until Sarah was potty trained she's not to come, to get a sitter.. I don't allow, nor I even tolerate kids lie this.. It makes thing more worse due to it's NOT the kids fault.. It's the parents.. Kids need direction for manners, right & wrong.. Take Care, Donna....

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)