Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

The CafeMom Newcomers Club The CafeMom Newcomers Club

What would you do if you knew a parent like this?

Posted by   + Show Post

Moms Who Don't Discipline Their Kids Make Me Crazy


My friend does not believe in disciplining her 2-year-old daughter. Yes, you read that right. My friend, let's call her Lisa, once let her daughter, let's call her Megan, flush the toilet 30 times.Just because she wanted to. When both of them were at my home for dinner, I watched her daughter deliberately pour a glass of water right over my table. I had to say, "No, Megan!" while my friend just smiled.

My friend confesses that at a recent play date, her daughter smeared a gooey snack all over the host mom's bedspread. She apologized to the mom but didn't tell her kid she'd done anything wrong. I've stopped speaking to my friend on the phone while Megan is awake, because she screams endlessly while we talk, blasting a hole in my ear. My friend never once says, "Sweetie, I'm on the phone." Why does she allow all of this? "I guess it's just easier this way," my friend admits. "The truth is, I hate to make my daughter cry."

I asked my friend if she worries that Megan will grow up to be one of those people who believes she can do whatever she wants, whenever she wants, with no repercussions. "Mmmm … yeahhhh," she reluctantly admits. "But I keep hoping one day I'll start to discipline her. Right now, she's so young. I figure she's like a dog. She's not going to understand what I say anyway." Umm, okay. 

I ask my friend if this could just be making life easier for herself, and she admits it does: "If I tell her not to do something, she pitches a fit. I'd rather just clean up whatever mess she makes than argue with her." She also admits she leaves the role of "bad cop" to her husband, who is more of a discipline type. She also reveals that this is the way she herself grew up - her parents let her do whatever she liked. And, hey, she didn't turn out psycho. 

Lisa says this laissez faire attitude doesn't apply if her kid wants to do something dangerous like, say, run into traffic. But sometimes she prefers to let her kid "learn the hard way." For instance, Megan tried to touch a burning candle and, rather than warn her about it, my friend said, "Go ahead." Megan got her fingers close enough to realize that a candle was nothing to play around with, didn't get burned, and now says, "Hot hot" when she sees a candle. Says Lisa, "She'll learn her lesson that way faster than if I tell her no. If I say no, she just wants to do it more."

My friend admits to feeling guilty in allowing this parenting style to run rampant in public places. She'll take her daughter out of a restaurant or other public place if she's acting up, but there's no lecture afterwards telling her that she didn't behave. 


I've spent a lot of time with Megan (an only child) and her mom, and I've sometimes found myself in the role of disciplinarian at their house. Once when Megan was screaming at the dog for "stealing my food" (the dog was nowhere near her food), I told her in a firm voice to "knock it off." Lisa just grinned. At least my friend doesn't seem to mind if someone else takes over disciplining, but sometimes feels like a burden I don't really want. (I draw the line at letting a kid be a brat with pets!) Interestingly, Megan is very attached to me despite my drawing boundaries. She even seems to welcome them. 

Luckily, Megan is naturally a pretty good kid -- she throws tantrums and is clearly spoiled, but she's also good-hearted, loves people and animals (even the dog she screams at), and in general doesn't act like too much of a lunatic. But I do wonder how she'll fare in the real world one day. And I do feel sorry for her future teachers! 

Does it make you crazy when moms let their kids run the house?

I would so not be able to be around this mother, if one of my friends decided to parent like this I think that would have to be the end of the friendship sadly.

by on Nov. 13, 2012 at 10:18 AM
Replies (21-30):
skittlebeans88
by Traci on Nov. 13, 2012 at 11:42 AM
Did you make her pay for it?

Quoting kansasmom1978:

I have a friend whose son has multiple disabilites. None of them affect his thinking or physical movement. But she has raised him to think he's special and can get whatever he wants. He stayed the night once and I told him. She threw himself on to the floor, kicked the slats out of our stair railing and screamed at the top of his lungs. When I told his mom of the outburst and asked her to pay for the railing. She said ' oh he does not knwo any better." Um yes he does. he know that he can get away with whatever he wants. My son has Autism and I would bust his butt if he ever acted like that. But I've never had to because he knows not to pull that shit.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Karenjm
by Member on Nov. 13, 2012 at 11:42 AM

Sounds like my MIL.  And unfortunately my DH has moments when he thinks he can do what he wants.  My MIL doesn't mind when my 18 month old slaps her.  And disagrees with DH and I when we discipline him on it.  Oh well, she'll just have to get over it.  I would not be able to hang around a mom like this.

yo_ho
by Gold Member on Nov. 13, 2012 at 12:05 PM
My sil is that way to a point. She will tell her kids no, but does not stop them or correct them if they dont listen. We dont really get together anymore. Her oldest is a bully to my kids and all she says is to stop.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
LectioDivina
by on Nov. 13, 2012 at 12:09 PM
1 mom liked this

I don't know... When I say "Time out" my kids RUN to the time out spot...

LoveMyKBabies
by on Nov. 13, 2012 at 12:10 PM
1 mom liked this
Haha. My name is Megan & my mom's name is Lisa. Difference is if I had acted like that I would have gotten time-out or a pop on the ass. I can't stand kids like that.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Pink.Frosting
by Silver Member on Nov. 13, 2012 at 12:17 PM

The friend has no right to call that a "parenting style."  She isn't parenting at all!!  I can't even see how that is building the foundation for a relationship with each other in the future.  Pretty pathetic.

Mrs.Miller11
by on Nov. 13, 2012 at 12:32 PM

I generally don't discipline my oldest. She just does not need it. She respects others and their belongings. She doesn't hit, she doesn't destroy things on purpose, she doesn't sass- usually. Occasionally she will sass but that is when she is feeling undervalued and we talk through it. She is treated with respect and in turn respects others. I DO NOT allow her to run wild or get her way. But we have no use for time outs, restrictions, loss of privileges, etc. We practice gentle/peaceful parenting, we talk things through, all members of our home are treated equally- with love and respect and understanding. I am always complimented on how well behaved my daughter is.

Rowdys.Mommy
by Gold Member on Nov. 13, 2012 at 1:09 PM

I deal with the same thing sometimes.

Quoting Karenjm:

Sounds like my MIL.  And unfortunately my DH has moments when he thinks he can do what he wants.  My MIL doesn't mind when my 18 month old slaps her.  And disagrees with DH and I when we discipline him on it.  Oh well, she'll just have to get over it.  I would not be able to hang around a mom like this.


Bigmetalchicken
by on Nov. 13, 2012 at 1:10 PM
1 mom liked this

No way could I tolerate that. It is laziness, and I don't want my children around kids that are allowed to be naughty.

1likeme
by on Nov. 13, 2012 at 1:12 PM
I would talk to her and then distance myself from her. I would not put up with any of that behavior in my home and I would not go in public with them either.
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN