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What would you do if you knew a parent like this?

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Moms Who Don't Discipline Their Kids Make Me Crazy


My friend does not believe in disciplining her 2-year-old daughter. Yes, you read that right. My friend, let's call her Lisa, once let her daughter, let's call her Megan, flush the toilet 30 times.Just because she wanted to. When both of them were at my home for dinner, I watched her daughter deliberately pour a glass of water right over my table. I had to say, "No, Megan!" while my friend just smiled.

My friend confesses that at a recent play date, her daughter smeared a gooey snack all over the host mom's bedspread. She apologized to the mom but didn't tell her kid she'd done anything wrong. I've stopped speaking to my friend on the phone while Megan is awake, because she screams endlessly while we talk, blasting a hole in my ear. My friend never once says, "Sweetie, I'm on the phone." Why does she allow all of this? "I guess it's just easier this way," my friend admits. "The truth is, I hate to make my daughter cry."

I asked my friend if she worries that Megan will grow up to be one of those people who believes she can do whatever she wants, whenever she wants, with no repercussions. "Mmmm … yeahhhh," she reluctantly admits. "But I keep hoping one day I'll start to discipline her. Right now, she's so young. I figure she's like a dog. She's not going to understand what I say anyway." Umm, okay. 

I ask my friend if this could just be making life easier for herself, and she admits it does: "If I tell her not to do something, she pitches a fit. I'd rather just clean up whatever mess she makes than argue with her." She also admits she leaves the role of "bad cop" to her husband, who is more of a discipline type. She also reveals that this is the way she herself grew up - her parents let her do whatever she liked. And, hey, she didn't turn out psycho. 

Lisa says this laissez faire attitude doesn't apply if her kid wants to do something dangerous like, say, run into traffic. But sometimes she prefers to let her kid "learn the hard way." For instance, Megan tried to touch a burning candle and, rather than warn her about it, my friend said, "Go ahead." Megan got her fingers close enough to realize that a candle was nothing to play around with, didn't get burned, and now says, "Hot hot" when she sees a candle. Says Lisa, "She'll learn her lesson that way faster than if I tell her no. If I say no, she just wants to do it more."

My friend admits to feeling guilty in allowing this parenting style to run rampant in public places. She'll take her daughter out of a restaurant or other public place if she's acting up, but there's no lecture afterwards telling her that she didn't behave. 


I've spent a lot of time with Megan (an only child) and her mom, and I've sometimes found myself in the role of disciplinarian at their house. Once when Megan was screaming at the dog for "stealing my food" (the dog was nowhere near her food), I told her in a firm voice to "knock it off." Lisa just grinned. At least my friend doesn't seem to mind if someone else takes over disciplining, but sometimes feels like a burden I don't really want. (I draw the line at letting a kid be a brat with pets!) Interestingly, Megan is very attached to me despite my drawing boundaries. She even seems to welcome them. 

Luckily, Megan is naturally a pretty good kid -- she throws tantrums and is clearly spoiled, but she's also good-hearted, loves people and animals (even the dog she screams at), and in general doesn't act like too much of a lunatic. But I do wonder how she'll fare in the real world one day. And I do feel sorry for her future teachers! 

Does it make you crazy when moms let their kids run the house?

I would so not be able to be around this mother, if one of my friends decided to parent like this I think that would have to be the end of the friendship sadly.

by on Nov. 13, 2012 at 10:18 AM
Replies (31-40):
Paperfishies
by on Nov. 13, 2012 at 1:14 PM

I don't discipline my 2 year old.  I redirect her.

My 9 year old gets electronics taken away and loses privileges.

ShadowLark
by Platinum Member on Nov. 13, 2012 at 1:16 PM
1 mom liked this

It really is pathetic!  I'll be the first to admit that I have a potty mouth.  My now 5 year old tried to repeat some of those words when she was around 2.  I just calmly explained that those words weren't to be repeated and that really, I shouldn't be saying them either.  She wasn't in trouble, it was MY fault!  And you know what?  She knows what NOT to say!

Quoting Rowdys.Mommy:

oh that is horrible and so sad for the little girl!

Quoting A.J.s_mommy:

They don't. They don't say anything at all. They don't even attempt to correct her. She has a foul mouth, talks back, and screams like a maniac if anyone attempts to correct her. They laugh when she uses foul language, but she gets those words from them I'm the first place.



schatzi869
by Bronze Member on Nov. 13, 2012 at 1:18 PM
Sounds like half the mothers on here. And those that are like, "we gently discipline our children. We don't yell. We don't spank. We talk firmly and they listen." Blah blah blah.
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ShadowLark
by Platinum Member on Nov. 13, 2012 at 1:22 PM


Quoting Mrs.Miller11:

I generally don't discipline my oldest. She just does not need it. She respects others and their belongings. She doesn't hit, she doesn't destroy things on purpose, she doesn't sass- usually. Occasionally she will sass but that is when she is feeling undervalued and we talk through it. She is treated with respect and in turn respects others. I DO NOT allow her to run wild or get her way. But we have no use for time outs, restrictions, loss of privileges, etc. We practice gentle/peaceful parenting, we talk things through, all members of our home are treated equally- with love and respect and understanding. I am always complimented on how well behaved my daughter is.

Serious question and maybe you don't know the answer, but hopefully you can show me where to look.

How would that work if your daughter had Autism and didn't understand speech?  My six year old son has Autism and is non verbal.  HOW do I teach him to respect himself and others?  How do we communicate?  We're stuck with punitive stuff because I can't explain logic!  HELP!

kansasmom1978
by on Nov. 13, 2012 at 1:35 PM

no my husband was able to repair it. But I have not let him come over since. Im sorry but she is raising that kid to be a self righteous son of a bitch.

Quoting skittlebeans88:

Did you make her pay for it?

Quoting kansasmom1978:

I have a friend whose son has multiple disabilites. None of them affect his thinking or physical movement. But she has raised him to think he's special and can get whatever he wants. He stayed the night once and I told him. She threw himself on to the floor, kicked the slats out of our stair railing and screamed at the top of his lungs. When I told his mom of the outburst and asked her to pay for the railing. She said ' oh he does not knwo any better." Um yes he does. he know that he can get away with whatever he wants. My son has Autism and I would bust his butt if he ever acted like that. But I've never had to because he knows not to pull that shit.


Mommy2_two
by on Nov. 13, 2012 at 1:37 PM

I would tell my friend she was looney and stay away.

Rowdys.Mommy
by Gold Member on Nov. 13, 2012 at 1:52 PM

So how does your two your old know the difference between right and wrong.

Quoting Paperfishies:

I don't discipline my 2 year old.  I redirect her.

My 9 year old gets electronics taken away and loses privileges.


Rowdys.Mommy
by Gold Member on Nov. 13, 2012 at 1:55 PM

I actually dont yell, I talk calmly and explain things but I do spank. My mom yelled when I was a kid and I didnt like it then, dont like it now its not something that I think should be done in our home.

Quoting schatzi869:

Sounds like half the mothers on here. And those that are like, "we gently discipline our children. We don't yell. We don't spank. We talk firmly and they listen." Blah blah blah.


Rowdys.Mommy
by Gold Member on Nov. 13, 2012 at 1:57 PM
1 mom liked this

Reward systems. I use to work with autistic adults, specifically a man that was 28 and almost completely non verbal. We had reward systems set in place for him if he was good but if he acted out he had punishments just like a toddler would with time out, losing privladges, etc. We also verbally communicated with him and we communicated through sign language when saying yes and no. Another way is have happy faces and sad faces that you can show them for good behaivor or bad behaivor. 

Quoting ShadowLark:


Quoting Mrs.Miller11:

I generally don't discipline my oldest. She just does not need it. She respects others and their belongings. She doesn't hit, she doesn't destroy things on purpose, she doesn't sass- usually. Occasionally she will sass but that is when she is feeling undervalued and we talk through it. She is treated with respect and in turn respects others. I DO NOT allow her to run wild or get her way. But we have no use for time outs, restrictions, loss of privileges, etc. We practice gentle/peaceful parenting, we talk things through, all members of our home are treated equally- with love and respect and understanding. I am always complimented on how well behaved my daughter is.

Serious question and maybe you don't know the answer, but hopefully you can show me where to look.

How would that work if your daughter had Autism and didn't understand speech?  My six year old son has Autism and is non verbal.  HOW do I teach him to respect himself and others?  How do we communicate?  We're stuck with punitive stuff because I can't explain logic!  HELP!


Mrs.Winchester
by on Nov. 13, 2012 at 1:58 PM

I admit that when my DD was younger I was somewhat that way.  I disciplined her some but I honestly believed that she didn't understand much of what I was saying so I didn't bother.  I didn't try time-outs and etc because I knew she would just throw a tantrum and I felt like I could never win.  I'm thankful I knew about CM because what resulted was my DD being a 3 1/2 year old terror and me not having a clue what to do.

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