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What would you do if you knew a parent like this?

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Moms Who Don't Discipline Their Kids Make Me Crazy


My friend does not believe in disciplining her 2-year-old daughter. Yes, you read that right. My friend, let's call her Lisa, once let her daughter, let's call her Megan, flush the toilet 30 times.Just because she wanted to. When both of them were at my home for dinner, I watched her daughter deliberately pour a glass of water right over my table. I had to say, "No, Megan!" while my friend just smiled.

My friend confesses that at a recent play date, her daughter smeared a gooey snack all over the host mom's bedspread. She apologized to the mom but didn't tell her kid she'd done anything wrong. I've stopped speaking to my friend on the phone while Megan is awake, because she screams endlessly while we talk, blasting a hole in my ear. My friend never once says, "Sweetie, I'm on the phone." Why does she allow all of this? "I guess it's just easier this way," my friend admits. "The truth is, I hate to make my daughter cry."

I asked my friend if she worries that Megan will grow up to be one of those people who believes she can do whatever she wants, whenever she wants, with no repercussions. "Mmmm … yeahhhh," she reluctantly admits. "But I keep hoping one day I'll start to discipline her. Right now, she's so young. I figure she's like a dog. She's not going to understand what I say anyway." Umm, okay. 

I ask my friend if this could just be making life easier for herself, and she admits it does: "If I tell her not to do something, she pitches a fit. I'd rather just clean up whatever mess she makes than argue with her." She also admits she leaves the role of "bad cop" to her husband, who is more of a discipline type. She also reveals that this is the way she herself grew up - her parents let her do whatever she liked. And, hey, she didn't turn out psycho. 

Lisa says this laissez faire attitude doesn't apply if her kid wants to do something dangerous like, say, run into traffic. But sometimes she prefers to let her kid "learn the hard way." For instance, Megan tried to touch a burning candle and, rather than warn her about it, my friend said, "Go ahead." Megan got her fingers close enough to realize that a candle was nothing to play around with, didn't get burned, and now says, "Hot hot" when she sees a candle. Says Lisa, "She'll learn her lesson that way faster than if I tell her no. If I say no, she just wants to do it more."

My friend admits to feeling guilty in allowing this parenting style to run rampant in public places. She'll take her daughter out of a restaurant or other public place if she's acting up, but there's no lecture afterwards telling her that she didn't behave. 


I've spent a lot of time with Megan (an only child) and her mom, and I've sometimes found myself in the role of disciplinarian at their house. Once when Megan was screaming at the dog for "stealing my food" (the dog was nowhere near her food), I told her in a firm voice to "knock it off." Lisa just grinned. At least my friend doesn't seem to mind if someone else takes over disciplining, but sometimes feels like a burden I don't really want. (I draw the line at letting a kid be a brat with pets!) Interestingly, Megan is very attached to me despite my drawing boundaries. She even seems to welcome them. 

Luckily, Megan is naturally a pretty good kid -- she throws tantrums and is clearly spoiled, but she's also good-hearted, loves people and animals (even the dog she screams at), and in general doesn't act like too much of a lunatic. But I do wonder how she'll fare in the real world one day. And I do feel sorry for her future teachers! 

Does it make you crazy when moms let their kids run the house?

I would so not be able to be around this mother, if one of my friends decided to parent like this I think that would have to be the end of the friendship sadly.

by on Nov. 13, 2012 at 10:18 AM
Replies (81-90):
mary841108
by on Nov. 13, 2012 at 3:11 PM
2 moms liked this

 i was told i am to strict with my kids. you bet your a$$ i am! and i bet my kids are one the first to say please, thank you and your welcome for fear that their mom is lurking in a bush somewhere waiting to catch them not behaving or using their manners, thinking if i dont use them i might catch a hand upside my head lol

Rowdys.Mommy
by Gold Member on Nov. 13, 2012 at 3:12 PM
1 mom liked this

So what would be so bad with making her go to bed at a decent hour (on a schedule) and you going to bed at a decent hour as well and not using the  melatonin? I use to stay up late but once I became mommy I lost that privilege because I've got to get up with my kiddo at 7:30 in the morning. And with her possibly being Autistic I would think keeping a steady sleep schedule would be what you are supposed to do because schedules are a lot better and they react better to them instead of the 'chaos' that no schedule leads to? At least thats what years of working MHMR specifically with autistic clients has taught me.

Quoting Paperfishies:

Only for the 2 year old. She is possibly autistic and has been going through the evaluation process since march. Her pediatrician recommended it. We usually do 2 weeks on the melatonin and 1 week off. She has no set time that I wake her up in the morning, she wakes up on her own usually around 9-11am. Sometimes a bit earlier. She may or may not take a nap during the day etc. she is "mostly" free range. The melatonin is mostly for me because *I* do need to sleep sometime, I need at least 6 solid hours a night, to function during the day. Before the melatonin I was going to bed at 1 and waking up at 4 am with her and averaging 4 hours a night.




beethann
by Beth Ann on Nov. 13, 2012 at 3:12 PM


Quoting Paperfishies:

Only for the 2 year old. She is possibly autistic and has been going through the evaluation process since march. Her pediatrician recommended it. We usually do 2 weeks on the melatonin and 1 week off. She has no set time that I wake her up in the morning, she wakes up on her own usually around 9-11am. Sometimes a bit earlier. She may or may not take a nap during the day etc. she is "mostly" free range. The melatonin is mostly for me because *I* do need to sleep sometime, I need at least 6 solid hours a night, to function during the day. Before the melatonin I was going to bed at 1 and waking up at 4 am with her and averaging 4 hours a night. 

I have to ask now because you have my curiousty peak. But what happens if you don't get 6 hours of sleep?

I mean, everyone SHOULD get 8 hours of sleep. But when you are a mother, well...hahahahaahaha.. I just can't even go there. That's the name of the game. I am up numerous times a night between my 3 year old and 1 year old. but I could never justify that to giving them something to sleep that their body doesn't truly need. that their body could and probably will become dependent on. All because *I* needed sleep. 


But again, perhaps you have your reasons. 

Paperfishies
by Platinum Member on Nov. 13, 2012 at 3:14 PM
All I can say is so far it has worked for my family. My 9 year old does well in school, reads on a high school level, math on 7th/8th grade level, she is happy, healthy, social, polite, does he chores and her part around the house, and is a great kid.
I was raised the same way. I went to college, graduated with honors, own 2 businesses and have done well in life.


Quoting Rowdys.Mommy:

What are the positive results of this? How does this teach your children disicipline with real life when they get older and learning how to maintain a schedule and go to sleep according to what they have to do the next day?

Quoting Paperfishies:

My 9 year old is in her room by 1030 on school nights and she usually goes right to sleep. On non school nights she has no bed time.

We are a family of night owls, this works for us.







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jkleinman
by <3munchkin's mama<3 on Nov. 13, 2012 at 3:14 PM
No way in hell would I tolerate that!
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mary841108
by on Nov. 13, 2012 at 3:15 PM

 baby girl, they make coffee for a reason. half the time i am running on 2 hours sleep. give me a damn cup of liquid caffiene and i am oh so good to go.

Quoting beethann:


Quoting Paperfishies:

Only for the 2 year old. She is possibly autistic and has been going through the evaluation process since march. Her pediatrician recommended it. We usually do 2 weeks on the melatonin and 1 week off. She has no set time that I wake her up in the morning, she wakes up on her own usually around 9-11am. Sometimes a bit earlier. She may or may not take a nap during the day etc. she is "mostly" free range. The melatonin is mostly for me because *I* do need to sleep sometime, I need at least 6 solid hours a night, to function during the day. Before the melatonin I was going to bed at 1 and waking up at 4 am with her and averaging 4 hours a night. 

I have to ask now because you have my curiousty peak. But what happens if you don't get 6 hours of sleep?

I mean, everyone SHOULD get 8 hours of sleep. But when you are a mother, well...hahahahaahaha.. I just can't even go there. That's the name of the game. I am up numerous times a night between my 3 year old and 1 year old. but I could never justify that to giving them something to sleep that their body doesn't truly need. that their body could and probably will become dependent on. All because *I* needed sleep. 

 

But again, perhaps you have your reasons. 

 

Rowdys.Mommy
by Gold Member on Nov. 13, 2012 at 3:17 PM

Different strokes for different folks I guess. I wouldnt be able to do that.

Quoting Paperfishies:

All I can say is so far it has worked for my family. My 9 year old does well in school, reads on a high school level, math on 7th/8th grade level, she is happy, healthy, social, polite, does he chores and her part around the house, and is a great kid.
I was raised the same way. I went to college, graduated with honors, own 2 businesses and have done well in life.



Paperfishies
by Platinum Member on Nov. 13, 2012 at 3:18 PM
Because it is impossible for the human body to become dependent in melatonin. That is like your body becoming dependent on vitamin d. Some people's bodies don't produce enough melatonin, so you supplement...just like some people are deficient in vitamin D, so they take a vitamin D supplement. It impossible for a body to become dependent on melatonin.




Quoting beethann:


Quoting Paperfishies:

Only for the 2 year old. She is possibly autistic and has been going through the evaluation process since march. Her pediatrician recommended it. We usually do 2 weeks on the melatonin and 1 week off. She has no set time that I wake her up in the morning, she wakes up on her own usually around 9-11am. Sometimes a bit earlier. She may or may not take a nap during the day etc. she is "mostly" free range. The melatonin is mostly for me because *I* do need to sleep sometime, I need at least 6 solid hours a night, to function during the day. Before the melatonin I was going to bed at 1 and waking up at 4 am with her and averaging 4 hours a night. 


I have to ask now because you have my curiousty peak. But what happens if you don't get 6 hours of sleep?

I mean, everyone SHOULD get 8 hours of sleep. But when you are a mother, well...hahahahaahaha.. I just can't even go there. That's the name of the game. I am up numerous times a night between my 3 year old and 1 year old. but I could never justify that to giving them something to sleep that their body doesn't truly need. that their body could and probably will become dependent on. All because *I* needed sleep. 


But again, perhaps you have your reasons. 


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Paperfishies
by Platinum Member on Nov. 13, 2012 at 3:20 PM
And believe me, if I had disrespectful kids or it seemed to not be working, I would definitely adjust things as needed.

Quoting Rowdys.Mommy:

Different strokes for different folks I guess. I wouldnt be able to do that.

Quoting Paperfishies:

All I can say is so far it has worked for my family. My 9 year old does well in school, reads on a high school level, math on 7th/8th grade level, she is happy, healthy, social, polite, does he chores and her part around the house, and is a great kid.

I was raised the same way. I went to college, graduated with honors, own 2 businesses and have done well in life.








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emptynesst
by on Nov. 13, 2012 at 3:20 PM
No way I could deal with that! Wow!!!
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