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What would you do if you knew a parent like this?

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Moms Who Don't Discipline Their Kids Make Me Crazy


My friend does not believe in disciplining her 2-year-old daughter. Yes, you read that right. My friend, let's call her Lisa, once let her daughter, let's call her Megan, flush the toilet 30 times.Just because she wanted to. When both of them were at my home for dinner, I watched her daughter deliberately pour a glass of water right over my table. I had to say, "No, Megan!" while my friend just smiled.

My friend confesses that at a recent play date, her daughter smeared a gooey snack all over the host mom's bedspread. She apologized to the mom but didn't tell her kid she'd done anything wrong. I've stopped speaking to my friend on the phone while Megan is awake, because she screams endlessly while we talk, blasting a hole in my ear. My friend never once says, "Sweetie, I'm on the phone." Why does she allow all of this? "I guess it's just easier this way," my friend admits. "The truth is, I hate to make my daughter cry."

I asked my friend if she worries that Megan will grow up to be one of those people who believes she can do whatever she wants, whenever she wants, with no repercussions. "Mmmm … yeahhhh," she reluctantly admits. "But I keep hoping one day I'll start to discipline her. Right now, she's so young. I figure she's like a dog. She's not going to understand what I say anyway." Umm, okay. 

I ask my friend if this could just be making life easier for herself, and she admits it does: "If I tell her not to do something, she pitches a fit. I'd rather just clean up whatever mess she makes than argue with her." She also admits she leaves the role of "bad cop" to her husband, who is more of a discipline type. She also reveals that this is the way she herself grew up - her parents let her do whatever she liked. And, hey, she didn't turn out psycho. 

Lisa says this laissez faire attitude doesn't apply if her kid wants to do something dangerous like, say, run into traffic. But sometimes she prefers to let her kid "learn the hard way." For instance, Megan tried to touch a burning candle and, rather than warn her about it, my friend said, "Go ahead." Megan got her fingers close enough to realize that a candle was nothing to play around with, didn't get burned, and now says, "Hot hot" when she sees a candle. Says Lisa, "She'll learn her lesson that way faster than if I tell her no. If I say no, she just wants to do it more."

My friend admits to feeling guilty in allowing this parenting style to run rampant in public places. She'll take her daughter out of a restaurant or other public place if she's acting up, but there's no lecture afterwards telling her that she didn't behave. 


I've spent a lot of time with Megan (an only child) and her mom, and I've sometimes found myself in the role of disciplinarian at their house. Once when Megan was screaming at the dog for "stealing my food" (the dog was nowhere near her food), I told her in a firm voice to "knock it off." Lisa just grinned. At least my friend doesn't seem to mind if someone else takes over disciplining, but sometimes feels like a burden I don't really want. (I draw the line at letting a kid be a brat with pets!) Interestingly, Megan is very attached to me despite my drawing boundaries. She even seems to welcome them. 

Luckily, Megan is naturally a pretty good kid -- she throws tantrums and is clearly spoiled, but she's also good-hearted, loves people and animals (even the dog she screams at), and in general doesn't act like too much of a lunatic. But I do wonder how she'll fare in the real world one day. And I do feel sorry for her future teachers! 

Does it make you crazy when moms let their kids run the house?

I would so not be able to be around this mother, if one of my friends decided to parent like this I think that would have to be the end of the friendship sadly.

by on Nov. 13, 2012 at 10:18 AM
Replies (91-100):
Rowdys.Mommy
by Gold Member on Nov. 13, 2012 at 3:22 PM

That's where most parents that don't discipline are lacking...I wish more people would have this realization! 

Quoting Paperfishies:

And believe me, if I had disrespectful kids or it seemed to not be working, I would definitely adjust things as needed.


beethann
by Beth Ann on Nov. 13, 2012 at 3:27 PM
1 mom liked this


Quoting Paperfishies:

Because it is impossible for the human body to become dependent in melatonin. That is like your body becoming dependent on vitamin d. Some people's bodies don't produce enough melatonin, so you supplement...just like some people are deficient in vitamin D, so they take a vitamin D supplement. It impossible for a body to become dependent on melatonin.




Quoting beethann:


Quoting Paperfishies:

Only for the 2 year old. She is possibly autistic and has been going through the evaluation process since march. Her pediatrician recommended it. We usually do 2 weeks on the melatonin and 1 week off. She has no set time that I wake her up in the morning, she wakes up on her own usually around 9-11am. Sometimes a bit earlier. She may or may not take a nap during the day etc. she is "mostly" free range. The melatonin is mostly for me because *I* do need to sleep sometime, I need at least 6 solid hours a night, to function during the day. Before the melatonin I was going to bed at 1 and waking up at 4 am with her and averaging 4 hours a night. 


I have to ask now because you have my curiousty peak. But what happens if you don't get 6 hours of sleep?

I mean, everyone SHOULD get 8 hours of sleep. But when you are a mother, well...hahahahaahaha.. I just can't even go there. That's the name of the game. I am up numerous times a night between my 3 year old and 1 year old. but I could never justify that to giving them something to sleep that their body doesn't truly need. that their body could and probably will become dependent on. All because *I* needed sleep. 


But again, perhaps you have your reasons. 


Melatonin Dependency

One thing that should be mentioned about taking melatonin supplements for an extended period of time is the risk of forming a dependency.  Since melatonin is produced naturally by the body, if a person is supplementing the body by taking melatonin tablets long term, the body may begin to develop a dependency and will gravitate towards producing less of its own melatonin in lieu of the outside source continuing.  This potential melatonin side effect isn't official, but is generally how the body functions when supplied with an ample supply of a natural bodily compound from an outside source.  So people should be cautioned before relying continuously on melatonin as a sleep aid.

http://benjimester.hubpages.com/hub/Melatonin-Side-Effects-and-Benefits



Charweba
by on Nov. 13, 2012 at 4:08 PM

 I couldn't hang around her anymore. I might go off on her child and then the mother and I get into an altercation. To avoid anything like that I would have to stop being friends with her.

Charweba
by on Nov. 13, 2012 at 4:10 PM

 Preach on momma! Preach on!!!

Quoting mary841108:

 i was told i am to strict with my kids. you bet your a$$ i am! and i bet my kids are one the first to say please, thank you and your welcome for fear that their mom is lurking in a bush somewhere waiting to catch them not behaving or using their manners, thinking if i dont use them i might catch a hand upside my head lol

 

Momtogirls0823
by Gold Member on Nov. 13, 2012 at 4:16 PM

I wouldn't hang out with her anymore.  My dds certainly wouldn't be around her kids anymore.  My kids know right from wrong and how to behave in public, school, etc.  Discipline starts at home so these parents who aren't setting boundaries for their kids are doing them a huge disservice!

Chelsey191
by Silver Member on Nov. 13, 2012 at 4:18 PM
I would tell her that quite frankly her parenting style is a fail and that I havce no desire to be around it and I do not want my child exposed to it either. I would tell her that I think its best we part ways. Fyi, my sisters bf has a daughter who behaves like that. I was submitted to her chiLd at my sisters baby shower and I will never subject myself to that brat again. Never.
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Chibi_Kitten
by Bronze Member on Nov. 13, 2012 at 4:23 PM

 That's basically my sister's parenting style, though I haven't had contact with her in over a year so maybe things hae changed (I did briefly run into her as my daughter's soccer game ended and her son's team was just arriving but it was more of passing each other on our way to our destinations). Last I did see/spend time with them, her then 4yo son would scream, throw tantrums, curse people out and be a bully to the other kids (pushing them, knocking them off things like the swing so he could have it, taking their toys, hitting them). The worst of it though was if she did say something to him, he'd tell her (his own mother) to fuck off and she'd tell him that's not nice then walk away from him. Sometimes he'd reply to that with a nasty comment like neither is your face but, for the most part, she'd walk away and he'd go back to doing whatever he was doing before she said something to him.

From what I understand, her daughter (who just turned 3yo) is/was following in her brother's footsteps. No one can stand to be around her kids because of their behavior and no one wants her kids around theirs either, then she gets mad saying everyone plays favorites or everyone hates her kids.

My kids are no angels but you can bet your life that I will NOT allow temper tantrums and bad attitdes/behaviors to go unpunished.

Again though, it's been more than a year since I've had any real contact with my mom, sister and her kids so maybe things have changed. I hear things here and there but who knows how old that information is by the time it gets to me.

katfeemom
by Member on Nov. 13, 2012 at 4:25 PM
1 mom liked this

The mother, Lisa, sounds like an idiot.

Good luck to her as her daughter gets older. 

But if the truth were to be told, she won't have to worry about anything because NO ONE is going to  want to be around her, or her daughter if they continue on their current track.

momofsunshine77
by on Nov. 13, 2012 at 4:33 PM

I do nothing but discipline (it feels like it anyway) and My daughter who is 3 is crazy and does whatever whenever,  That is probably why I am constantly trying to correct her.  I have done this her whole life, but nothing works to correct the behavior.  The fact that someone is willing to let their kid do ANYTHIG without at least trying to correct them is looking for a lot of hardship when they are teenagers - IMO

Ktina11
by Silver Member on Nov. 13, 2012 at 4:37 PM
I agree with you!! It is unfathomable to me to give children melatonin. But then I rarely give meds altogether.


Quoting mary841108:

 well then you need to be up at 4 am ready to go right along with her lol. i wouldnt trust that melatonin i dont care how natural it supposedly is, its formed naturally by our own hormonal systems and we create what we need, so i dont know about giving kids extra of something they really dont need. my son is 9 and his booty is in bed by 8:30 even on the weekends. kids need 9-10 hours of sleep a night to grow properly and to perform their best at school and at extra curriculars like sports. my kids are up at 6 am 7 days a week, sure i'd love to sleep in but i aint about to drug them to do it, nope i am up and going right along with them. not trying to be rude, just saying.


Quoting Paperfishies:

My 9 year old is in school. She is in her room by 1030 and usually goes right to sleep. On non school nights she has no bed time, or no time she has to be in her room.

My 2 year old gets melatonin just about every night because it helps her sleep straight through the night. Without it, she is back up at 4 am ready to go.



Quoting beethann:




Quoting Paperfishies:

Well, my kids are free range. They sleep when they're body tells them and they're awake when they're body tells them to be, so my 2 year old doesnt have a set bedtime. I give her, her melatonin at around 11 every night and she is usually asleep by 12-1230.



Make bedtime fun. Every night when she gets in bed play a round of her favorite game. Also, don't allow her to take a nap during the day. By the time bedtime rolls around she will be too tired to fight it.






Quoting beethann:




Quoting Paperfishies:

Because after being redirected a few times she realizes she isnt supposed to do whatever she was doing. You take them out of the situation and redirect their attention to an acceptable activity.









Quoting Rowdys.Mommy:


So how does your two your old know the difference between right and wrong.


Quoting Paperfishies:


I don't discipline my 2 year old.  I redirect her.





My 9 year old gets electronics taken away and loses privileges.







What about at bedtime? I don't know if your 2 year old has problems going to bed. But I have a really really hard time with my 3 year old and I don't want to discipline her for bedtime, but i have no idea how to redirect the situation. I'm talking screaming, crying, throwing a fit type behavior at bedtime.  do you have any suggestions?




Your kids go to bed whenever they want? at 11?? What are you going to do when they have to go to school and be on a schedule? And you give your child Meletonin? Everynight??


 


Been there, done all that, and she continues to scream and cry at night.  She is up at 6 every morning. She can go all day without a nap, but then is a BEAR by night time. and by bedtime she is just plain overtired and struggles to go to sleep. 



 


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