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I don't even want to invite her to her granddaughters bday party..

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Her = my mom.

She has never been a mom to any of her 4 children. She has always put drugs and men above her kids, and now, her grandkids. She is married, but I recently found out that she doesn't even go home anymore. She's been staying with her boyfriend (effed up, I know). I was also told by several family members that she's doing hard drugs again. I know it's true. The last time I saw her, she had dropped about 20 pounds and looked like she had aged about 15 years. She looked horrible. When I asked her about the drugs, she didn't admit to it, but she didn't deny it either. I have a 9 yr old brother that lives there and I don't even know when she saw him last. She pays the neighbors to take him to and from school, so she doesn't have to.

At this point, I feel like I need to take a step back from her and let her figure things out on her own. She has no relationship with my kids anyways. When I USED to take my kids to her house, she wouldn't even have anything to do with them. It seemed like her neighbor would call EVERYTIME I was there. So, my mom would always leave to go to her neighbors house to get high.

What would you do if you were in my situation?

Also, if I do decide not to invite her, should I 1) Simply not tell her about the party at all OR 2) Just tell her that she's not invited...?? My mom has a tendency to "guilt trip" me, so I'm seriously considering not even mentioning it to her at all.

by on Nov. 13, 2012 at 11:44 PM
Replies (11-20):
BamaMommy2
by Angel.N.Disguise on Nov. 14, 2012 at 12:08 AM


Quoting AmericanChild82:

 Just don't tell her.

That's probably what I'll end up doing. If I do talk to her, she'll make me feel bad about it and I'd probably chnage my mind and let her come......I can't do that.

AmericanChild82
by Chrissy on Nov. 14, 2012 at 12:09 AM

 That's what I'd do. Just not tell her. If she finds out later on just say I tried to get ahold of you but couldn't.

Quoting BamaMommy2:

 

Quoting AmericanChild82:

 Just don't tell her.

That's probably what I'll end up doing. If I do talk to her, she'll make me feel bad about it and I'd probably chnage my mind and let her come......I can't do that.

 

BamaMommy2
by Angel.N.Disguise on Nov. 14, 2012 at 12:10 AM

Sounds like a plan to me! Thanks!

Quoting AmericanChild82:

 That's what I'd do. Just not tell her. If she finds out later on just say I tried to get ahold of you but couldn't.

Quoting BamaMommy2:


Quoting AmericanChild82:

 Just don't tell her.

That's probably what I'll end up doing. If I do talk to her, she'll make me feel bad about it and I'd probably chnage my mind and let her come......I can't do that.

 


pinkkpixiee
by New Member on Nov. 14, 2012 at 12:10 AM

 

Quoting BamaMommy2:

 

Quoting pinkkpixiee:

 I have the same problem with my mother and my younger sister is 13 and I will soon be 21. My sister has lived with me since the day I turned 18. My mother has never came to one of my sons birthday partys or my sisters. The only time she calls is to ask for money. I feel your pain, your a strong woman to deal with these issues.

Oh wow! That's awesome that you are taking care of your sister. I know that my stepdad is going to take care of my brother, regardless of what my moms doing, I just hate to see him grow up the same way the rest of his siblings did. 

 I just knew that if I didnt god knows what my mom would have her in. Ive delt with my mothers drug and alcohol abuse my entire life. Its good he has his step-dad. My sisters father my (ex) step-dad. Is what you call a born again christain and could careless what happens to my sister. I understand your feelings, I guess our emotions are the same on the subject of younger siblings.

Mommy to Aidan Shaddix <3 Future wife to Jonathon Dean <3


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BamaMommy2
by Angel.N.Disguise on Nov. 14, 2012 at 12:12 AM


Quoting pinkkpixiee:

 

Quoting BamaMommy2:


Quoting pinkkpixiee:

 I have the same problem with my mother and my younger sister is 13 and I will soon be 21. My sister has lived with me since the day I turned 18. My mother has never came to one of my sons birthday partys or my sisters. The only time she calls is to ask for money. I feel your pain, your a strong woman to deal with these issues.

Oh wow! That's awesome that you are taking care of your sister. I know that my stepdad is going to take care of my brother, regardless of what my moms doing, I just hate to see him grow up the same way the rest of his siblings did. 

 I just knew that if I didnt god knows what my mom would have her in. Ive delt with my mothers drug and alcohol abuse my entire life. Its good he has his step-dad. My sisters father my (ex) step-dad. Is what you call a born again christain and could careless what happens to my sister. I understand your feelings, I guess our emotions are the same on the subject of younger siblings.

:( That is heartbreaking.

My older brother and I were very lucky to have a dad that cared so much about us, that he fought tooth and nail to get custody of us.

AmericanChild82
by Chrissy on Nov. 14, 2012 at 12:12 AM

 You're so welcome. I'm kind of in the same boat. My mom is nuts(certified) and I deal with this all the time of weather to invite her or not tell her at all. Most of the time I just don't tell her.

Quoting BamaMommy2:

Sounds like a plan to me! Thanks!

Quoting AmericanChild82:

 That's what I'd do. Just not tell her. If she finds out later on just say I tried to get ahold of you but couldn't.

Quoting BamaMommy2:

 

Quoting AmericanChild82:

 Just don't tell her.

That's probably what I'll end up doing. If I do talk to her, she'll make me feel bad about it and I'd probably chnage my mind and let her come......I can't do that.

 

 

 

Mrs.Brugger
by Tiara on Nov. 14, 2012 at 12:13 AM

if she's doing drugs, there's no way in hell she'd be coming to my kids party. i wouldnt tell her about the party. if she asked about it, i'd tell her i didnt want her there. sounds mean, and she'll try to make you feel like crap, but she shouldn't be around LOs who are easily influenced (not saying she'll turn them, but they don't even need to see that) because she'll probably show up high. that's a big fat no.

BamaMommy2
by Angel.N.Disguise on Nov. 14, 2012 at 12:16 AM

I know it's what I need to do, but for some reason, I'm struggling with it. The thing is, my mom is the ONLY person from my entire family that has ever been to my kids bday parties and she's been to all of them. That's the only reason I feel so bad about having to make a decision like this. At the same the same time, I think most of that is because she tries to make herself look like a caring, loving, grandmother. When, in reality, she's never been any of those things.

Does your mom get upset when she finds out that she wasn't told?


Quoting AmericanChild82:

 You're so welcome. I'm kind of in the same boat. My mom is nuts(certified) and I deal with this all the time of weather to invite her or not tell her at all. Most of the time I just don't tell her.

Quoting BamaMommy2:

Sounds like a plan to me! Thanks!

Quoting AmericanChild82:

 That's what I'd do. Just not tell her. If she finds out later on just say I tried to get ahold of you but couldn't.

Quoting BamaMommy2:


Quoting AmericanChild82:

 Just don't tell her.

That's probably what I'll end up doing. If I do talk to her, she'll make me feel bad about it and I'd probably chnage my mind and let her come......I can't do that.

 


 


pinkkpixiee
by New Member on Nov. 14, 2012 at 12:17 AM

 

Quoting BamaMommy2:

 

Quoting pinkkpixiee:

 

Quoting BamaMommy2:

 

Quoting pinkkpixiee:

 I have the same problem with my mother and my younger sister is 13 and I will soon be 21. My sister has lived with me since the day I turned 18. My mother has never came to one of my sons birthday partys or my sisters. The only time she calls is to ask for money. I feel your pain, your a strong woman to deal with these issues.

Oh wow! That's awesome that you are taking care of your sister. I know that my stepdad is going to take care of my brother, regardless of what my moms doing, I just hate to see him grow up the same way the rest of his siblings did. 

 I just knew that if I didnt god knows what my mom would have her in. Ive delt with my mothers drug and alcohol abuse my entire life. Its good he has his step-dad. My sisters father my (ex) step-dad. Is what you call a born again christain and could careless what happens to my sister. I understand your feelings, I guess our emotions are the same on the subject of younger siblings.

:( That is heartbreaking.

My older brother and I were very lucky to have a dad that cared so much about us, that he fought tooth and nail to get custody of us.

 Yes it is. Ive became my sisters mother it seems like I raised her since she was 3 up to now. My mother jokes to her new boyfriends family like im like her mother that ive had to raise mymother. They laugh but she is dead serious about the comment.

Mommy to Aidan Shaddix <3 Future wife to Jonathon Dean <3


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BamaMommy2
by Angel.N.Disguise on Nov. 14, 2012 at 12:20 AM


Quoting Mrs.Brugger:

if she's doing drugs, there's no way in hell she'd be coming to my kids party. i wouldnt tell her about the party. if she asked about it, i'd tell her i didnt want her there. sounds mean, and she'll try to make you feel like crap, but she shouldn't be around LOs who are easily influenced (not saying she'll turn them, but they don't even need to see that) because she'll probably show up high. that's a big fat no.

That is a HUGE fear of mine. All of the moms on that side of the family, do drugs. My cousin, has 3 kids, doesn't have custody of any of them. My Aunt, has 6 kids, 5 different baby daddies and never took care of any of them. I am, literally, breaking a "generational curse" by not allowing my kids around that kind of stuff.

I have one Aunt, who made some not so good choices, but she's actually turned her life around. We are close, always have been.

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