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I don't even want to invite her to her granddaughters bday party..

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Her = my mom.

She has never been a mom to any of her 4 children. She has always put drugs and men above her kids, and now, her grandkids. She is married, but I recently found out that she doesn't even go home anymore. She's been staying with her boyfriend (effed up, I know). I was also told by several family members that she's doing hard drugs again. I know it's true. The last time I saw her, she had dropped about 20 pounds and looked like she had aged about 15 years. She looked horrible. When I asked her about the drugs, she didn't admit to it, but she didn't deny it either. I have a 9 yr old brother that lives there and I don't even know when she saw him last. She pays the neighbors to take him to and from school, so she doesn't have to.

At this point, I feel like I need to take a step back from her and let her figure things out on her own. She has no relationship with my kids anyways. When I USED to take my kids to her house, she wouldn't even have anything to do with them. It seemed like her neighbor would call EVERYTIME I was there. So, my mom would always leave to go to her neighbors house to get high.

What would you do if you were in my situation?

Also, if I do decide not to invite her, should I 1) Simply not tell her about the party at all OR 2) Just tell her that she's not invited...?? My mom has a tendency to "guilt trip" me, so I'm seriously considering not even mentioning it to her at all.

by on Nov. 13, 2012 at 11:44 PM
Replies (21-30):
BamaMommy2
by Angel.N.Disguise on Nov. 14, 2012 at 12:21 AM


Quoting pinkkpixiee:

 

Quoting BamaMommy2:


Quoting pinkkpixiee:

 

Quoting BamaMommy2:


Quoting pinkkpixiee:

 I have the same problem with my mother and my younger sister is 13 and I will soon be 21. My sister has lived with me since the day I turned 18. My mother has never came to one of my sons birthday partys or my sisters. The only time she calls is to ask for money. I feel your pain, your a strong woman to deal with these issues.

Oh wow! That's awesome that you are taking care of your sister. I know that my stepdad is going to take care of my brother, regardless of what my moms doing, I just hate to see him grow up the same way the rest of his siblings did. 

 I just knew that if I didnt god knows what my mom would have her in. Ive delt with my mothers drug and alcohol abuse my entire life. Its good he has his step-dad. My sisters father my (ex) step-dad. Is what you call a born again christain and could careless what happens to my sister. I understand your feelings, I guess our emotions are the same on the subject of younger siblings.

:( That is heartbreaking.

My older brother and I were very lucky to have a dad that cared so much about us, that he fought tooth and nail to get custody of us.

 Yes it is. Ive became my sisters mother it seems like I raised her since she was 3 up to now. My mother jokes to her new boyfriends family like im like her mother that ive had to raise mymother. They laugh but she is dead serious about the comment.

Wow, I would feel so ashamed if I ever did that to my child(ren).

Zoeysmommy9111
by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 12:25 AM
Do we have the same mom??? My mom skipped her only granddaughters first birthday party even though she called me the night before telling me she was going. It's been 2 1/2 months and I still haven't talked to her. My mom has put drugs and men before me and my brothers. She also tries to guilt trip me. I just woulnt tell her about the party.
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pinkkpixiee
by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 12:26 AM

 

Quoting BamaMommy2:

 

Quoting pinkkpixiee:

 

Quoting BamaMommy2:

 

Quoting pinkkpixiee:

 

Quoting BamaMommy2:

 

Quoting pinkkpixiee:

 I have the same problem with my mother and my younger sister is 13 and I will soon be 21. My sister has lived with me since the day I turned 18. My mother has never came to one of my sons birthday partys or my sisters. The only time she calls is to ask for money. I feel your pain, your a strong woman to deal with these issues.

Oh wow! That's awesome that you are taking care of your sister. I know that my stepdad is going to take care of my brother, regardless of what my moms doing, I just hate to see him grow up the same way the rest of his siblings did. 

 I just knew that if I didnt god knows what my mom would have her in. Ive delt with my mothers drug and alcohol abuse my entire life. Its good he has his step-dad. My sisters father my (ex) step-dad. Is what you call a born again christain and could careless what happens to my sister. I understand your feelings, I guess our emotions are the same on the subject of younger siblings.

:( That is heartbreaking.

My older brother and I were very lucky to have a dad that cared so much about us, that he fought tooth and nail to get custody of us.

 Yes it is. Ive became my sisters mother it seems like I raised her since she was 3 up to now. My mother jokes to her new boyfriends family like im like her mother that ive had to raise mymother. They laugh but she is dead serious about the comment.

Wow, I would feel so ashamed if I ever did that to my child(ren).

 I feel he same way. I promised my self and my sister that I would make a better life for her and my son. The only thing that hurts is I  promised my mawmaw (my mothers mom) I would do my best to take care of my mom she has since passed and I know theres only so much I can do.

Mommy to Aidan Shaddix <3 Future wife to Jonathon Dean <3


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Becky.Mom.of.2
by Platinum Member on Nov. 14, 2012 at 12:27 AM


Quoting grey7399:

Don't mention it.  You'll just cause hell for everyone.  If you can figure out a way to get your 9 yr old little brother, great.

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BamaMommy2
by Angel.N.Disguise on Nov. 14, 2012 at 12:29 AM


Quoting Zoeysmommy9111:

Do we have the same mom??? My mom skipped her only granddaughters first birthday party even though she called me the night before telling me she was going. It's been 2 1/2 months and I still haven't talked to her. My mom has put drugs and men before me and my brothers. She also tries to guilt trip me. I just woulnt tell her about the party.

Damn. I HATE that anyone has to go through the same thing I'm going through, but I'm glad that I'm not the only one.

I wish I could just cut all ties with her. I don't even know why I haven't yet. She's never been there for her kids. I think I keep hoping that she will change for the better. I'm naive, lol:)

rowseylove
by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 12:31 AM
Don't bother w/ contacting her to let her know she isn't invited... it isn't worth the drama it will start. It is sad your mom does drugs and doesnt care about her children, but unfortunately most addicts only care for and about themselves. I'm sorry you and your family have to deal w/ this situation.
Kris_PBG
by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 12:32 AM
I wouldn't let someone like that around my children either.

I'd say nothing about the party - and keep her far away.
BamaMommy2
by Angel.N.Disguise on Nov. 14, 2012 at 12:36 AM


Quoting rowseylove:

Don't bother w/ contacting her to let her know she isn't invited... it isn't worth the drama it will start. It is sad your mom does drugs and doesnt care about her children, but unfortunately most addicts only care for and about themselves. I'm sorry you and your family have to deal w/ this situation.

I completely agree with everything you stated. If she couldn't get her life together for her own kids, she's not going to do it for her grandkids.

Thank you so much!

BamaMommy2
by Angel.N.Disguise on Nov. 14, 2012 at 12:37 AM


Quoting Kris_PBG:

I wouldn't let someone like that around my children either.

I'd say nothing about the party - and keep her far away.

I already keep her at a distance now......and even that still isn't far enough!! lol :)

Zoeysmommy9111
by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 12:52 AM
I'm the same way. I always hope she's gonna change. But I'm finally put my foot down and if it wasn't for my so I would have started talking to her the next day. It's hard but sometime we need to cut ties even if its for a few months. Maybe they'll finally understand.

Quoting BamaMommy2:



Quoting Zoeysmommy9111:

Do we have the same mom??? My mom skipped her only granddaughters first birthday party even though she called me the night before telling me she was going. It's been 2 1/2 months and I still haven't talked to her. My mom has put drugs and men before me and my brothers. She also tries to guilt trip me. I just woulnt tell her about the party.

Damn. I HATE that anyone has to go through the same thing I'm going through, but I'm glad that I'm not the only one.

I wish I could just cut all ties with her. I don't even know why I haven't yet. She's never been there for her kids. I think I keep hoping that she will change for the better. I'm naive, lol:)

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