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I don't even want to invite her to her granddaughters bday party..

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Her = my mom.

She has never been a mom to any of her 4 children. She has always put drugs and men above her kids, and now, her grandkids. She is married, but I recently found out that she doesn't even go home anymore. She's been staying with her boyfriend (effed up, I know). I was also told by several family members that she's doing hard drugs again. I know it's true. The last time I saw her, she had dropped about 20 pounds and looked like she had aged about 15 years. She looked horrible. When I asked her about the drugs, she didn't admit to it, but she didn't deny it either. I have a 9 yr old brother that lives there and I don't even know when she saw him last. She pays the neighbors to take him to and from school, so she doesn't have to.

At this point, I feel like I need to take a step back from her and let her figure things out on her own. She has no relationship with my kids anyways. When I USED to take my kids to her house, she wouldn't even have anything to do with them. It seemed like her neighbor would call EVERYTIME I was there. So, my mom would always leave to go to her neighbors house to get high.

What would you do if you were in my situation?

Also, if I do decide not to invite her, should I 1) Simply not tell her about the party at all OR 2) Just tell her that she's not invited...?? My mom has a tendency to "guilt trip" me, so I'm seriously considering not even mentioning it to her at all.

by on Nov. 13, 2012 at 11:44 PM
Replies (31-40):
StoneColdKiller
by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 12:55 AM

 I would of steps back a long time ago, Im very anti illegal drugs and refuse anyone in my life that does them. Not a big fan of irresponsible people as well. Im a bitch and would be horribly blunt with her, sorry mom I would have you come but your a drug addict and I dont want you even in eye sight of my kids till you are clean and responsible.

yo_ho
by Gold Member on Nov. 14, 2012 at 1:12 AM

I wouldn't mention it. We haven't mentioned the kids bday parties to my ILs and they aren't invited.

DaiTilley
by Silver Member on Nov. 14, 2012 at 2:40 AM
Personally, I'd be straight with her in hopes that she'd start to see the ways her decisions are affecting her relationships and the people around her.
I'd say something like "I would love for you to be at ---'s birthday party, but I heard about what you've been up to lately, and it makes me feel like having you there would make for a toxic environment that we just can't have. I really hope you can work things out so we can all be close as a family."
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AmericanChild82
by Chrissy on Nov. 14, 2012 at 4:32 AM

 She does get upset. She'll stop talking to me for a couple of weeks but I'm so used to it now it doesn't really fase me at this point. Besides, my mom is that mom that wants all of the attention on her even at the expense of her grandkids.

Quoting BamaMommy2:

I know it's what I need to do, but for some reason, I'm struggling with it. The thing is, my mom is the ONLY person from my entire family that has ever been to my kids bday parties and she's been to all of them. That's the only reason I feel so bad about having to make a decision like this. At the same the same time, I think most of that is because she tries to make herself look like a caring, loving, grandmother. When, in reality, she's never been any of those things.

Does your mom get upset when she finds out that she wasn't told?

 

Quoting AmericanChild82:

 You're so welcome. I'm kind of in the same boat. My mom is nuts(certified) and I deal with this all the time of weather to invite her or not tell her at all. Most of the time I just don't tell her.

Quoting BamaMommy2:

Sounds like a plan to me! Thanks!

Quoting AmericanChild82:

 That's what I'd do. Just not tell her. If she finds out later on just say I tried to get ahold of you but couldn't.

Quoting BamaMommy2:

 

Quoting AmericanChild82:

 Just don't tell her.

That's probably what I'll end up doing. If I do talk to her, she'll make me feel bad about it and I'd probably chnage my mind and let her come......I can't do that.

 

 

 

 

 

PinkyPan
by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 7:07 AM

I wouldn't tell her.

redneckmama2
by Silver Member on Nov. 14, 2012 at 7:49 AM

The intention of that comment was not to say don't give your child a party and I am sorry if it seemed that way. What I meant by it is that you should not be concerned about inviting your mother at all. It just seemed as if that was what your whole post was over, and there was not real mention of your step dad taking care of your brother. From the sounds of it from your post was that a 9 year old boy was being left home alone to fend for himself and you were just letting it happen. Again I am sorry for the misunderstanding over my comment and now see why you are not too overly worried about your brother (I know you worry BUT if no one was taking care of him at all I am sure you would be all over it and getting him taken care of) because he IS being taken care of, just not by your mom. 

Quoting BamaMommy2:


Quoting redneckmama2:

Call CPS on her ass and get your brother out of that situations. Fuck the damn birthday party, your brother needs your help!!!!

CPS has been called. They did a home check, asked a bunch of questions, nothing ever came out of it.

Besides, even though my mom is shitty as hell, my stepdad has ALWAYS taken care of my brother. Don't get me wrong, he could do better, but he's been doing a damn good job, IMO.

Your "fuck that damn birthday party" is rude and COMPLETELY unnecessary! That is my child and she WILL have a bday party.


BamaMommy2
by Angel.N.Disguise on Nov. 14, 2012 at 9:05 AM


Quoting StoneColdKiller:

 I would of steps back a long time ago, Im very anti illegal drugs and refuse anyone in my life that does them. Not a big fan of irresponsible people as well. Im a bitch and would be horribly blunt with her, sorry mom I would have you come but your a drug addict and I dont want you even in eye sight of my kids till you are clean and responsible.

I *wish* I were like you! I would like nothing more than to give her a piece of my mind and I have in the past. She always makes me feel bad about it though. The guilt trip gets me everytime!!!! Ugh!

BamaMommy2
by Angel.N.Disguise on Nov. 14, 2012 at 9:07 AM

You are completely right. It will be hard, but I know it needs to be done.

Quoting Zoeysmommy9111:

I'm the same way. I always hope she's gonna change. But I'm finally put my foot down and if it wasn't for my so I would have started talking to her the next day. It's hard but sometime we need to cut ties even if its for a few months. Maybe they'll finally understand.

Quoting BamaMommy2:



Quoting Zoeysmommy9111:

Do we have the same mom??? My mom skipped her only granddaughters first birthday party even though she called me the night before telling me she was going. It's been 2 1/2 months and I still haven't talked to her. My mom has put drugs and men before me and my brothers. She also tries to guilt trip me. I just woulnt tell her about the party.

Damn. I HATE that anyone has to go through the same thing I'm going through, but I'm glad that I'm not the only one.

I wish I could just cut all ties with her. I don't even know why I haven't yet. She's never been there for her kids. I think I keep hoping that she will change for the better. I'm naive, lol:)


StoneColdKiller
by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 9:40 AM

 

Quoting BamaMommy2:

 

Quoting StoneColdKiller:

 I would of steps back a long time ago, Im very anti illegal drugs and refuse anyone in my life that does them. Not a big fan of irresponsible people as well. Im a bitch and would be horribly blunt with her, sorry mom I would have you come but your a drug addict and I dont want you even in eye sight of my kids till you are clean and responsible.

I *wish* I were like you! I would like nothing more than to give her a piece of my mind and I have in the past. She always makes me feel bad about it though. The guilt trip gets me everytime!!!! Ugh!

 But what is she using for guilt, its not like you have done anything wrong right? Is it her past she uses of why she is the way she is? You can turn the guilt tables around on her Im sure of it.

BamaMommy2
by Angel.N.Disguise on Nov. 14, 2012 at 9:46 AM


Quoting StoneColdKiller:

 

Quoting BamaMommy2:


Quoting StoneColdKiller:

 I would of steps back a long time ago, Im very anti illegal drugs and refuse anyone in my life that does them. Not a big fan of irresponsible people as well. Im a bitch and would be horribly blunt with her, sorry mom I would have you come but your a drug addict and I dont want you even in eye sight of my kids till you are clean and responsible.

I *wish* I were like you! I would like nothing more than to give her a piece of my mind and I have in the past. She always makes me feel bad about it though. The guilt trip gets me everytime!!!! Ugh!

 But what is she using for guilt, its not like you have done anything wrong right? Is it her past she uses of why she is the way she is? You can turn the guilt tables around on her Im sure of it.

She acts as if I'm not allowed to bring up anything in the past. I don't know why, nothing has changed since then. She's still making the same stupid mistakes. She thinks I should respect her and not be mean to her, simply because she's my mom and gave birth to me.....giving birth is the only thing she's ever done for me.

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