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:( I dont want to leave

Posted by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 10:33 PM
  • 17 Replies

As a child i moved around alot. my bio family was kicked out many places and then i got put in foster care. it took five homes for me to be in my adopted home

I love my MIL very much. we have our differences  but she is much like a real mother instead of a mother in law. she is wonderful to our children and they love their gpa and gma very much. DH is unhappy at work and he wants to move. he wants out of this state

i love this state. it feels like home to me. if we move we will have NO family to assist us, the kids will be uprooted and there is no guarentee that my two youngest (xander just turned five and is in a special prek program since he has a few delays and my dd who is 3 1/2 is a role model for the same prek program) will actually get in a school. Xander even has an IEP. i dont want my DH to be unhappy but there are only certain places where he can work in his area of career

i want to move also but i just want to move closer to his work. i feel this move will be determental to everyone

by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 10:33 PM
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Replies (1-10):
frndlyfn
by Emerald Member on Nov. 14, 2012 at 10:36 PM

Oh man.  A rock and a hard place.   Is there any way he could commute like stay there during week and come home on weekends?

silverdawn99
by Jamie on Nov. 14, 2012 at 10:38 PM

no he wants out of this state completly

he is unhappy and i understand but what will it do to our kids? he is even talking about leaving when taxes come in

Quoting frndlyfn:

Oh man.  A rock and a hard place.   Is there any way he could commute like stay there during week and come home on weekends?


frndlyfn
by Emerald Member on Nov. 14, 2012 at 10:40 PM

I would start researching schools right now in the area he is thinking.  How certain is he there will be a job open for him there?  I would hope maybe MIL could come out for alot of visits.

Quoting silverdawn99:

no he wants out of this state completly

he is unhappy and i understand but what will it do to our kids? he is even talking about leaving when taxes come in

Quoting frndlyfn:

Oh man.  A rock and a hard place.   Is there any way he could commute like stay there during week and come home on weekends?



frndlyfn
by Emerald Member on Nov. 14, 2012 at 10:40 PM
3 moms liked this

How Dare You Talk to My Children That Way?

silverdawn99
by Jamie on Nov. 14, 2012 at 10:42 PM

as much as i would love that but she just doesnt have the funds. as it is we are helping her with a ticket to see her daughter have her baby. so i dont think we would see her often

Quoting frndlyfn:

I would start researching schools right now in the area he is thinking.  How certain is he there will be a job open for him there?  I would hope maybe MIL could come out for alot of visits.

Quoting silverdawn99:

no he wants out of this state completly

he is unhappy and i understand but what will it do to our kids? he is even talking about leaving when taxes come in

Quoting frndlyfn:

Oh man.  A rock and a hard place.   Is there any way he could commute like stay there during week and come home on weekends?




GaleJ
by Silver Member on Nov. 14, 2012 at 10:56 PM
2 moms liked this

I do not see this as others that have replied do. Why does his unhappiness give him the right to make an isolated decision without you and without taking into account the rest of the family's interests? Yes I am sympathetic to the idea that he isn't happy but that should only be one aspect of such a decision and certainly should not give him the right to seemingly make the decision by himself without you. This is a decision that should be equally made by you and him, TOGETHER, with no one having a larger say. 

I am not trying to minimize his sense of unhappiness but that should be addressed separately from moving, again by you both, TOGETHER. Frankly there are times when adults must accept that their happiness isn't the main framework for family decisions if, in order to make themselves happy, they jeopardize the happiness of the rest of the family. 

KMAsMommy9182
by Toujours Raison on Nov. 14, 2012 at 11:13 PM

Exactly. What is best for your children is what really matters, and he should know that. 

Quoting GaleJ:

I do not see this as others that have replied do. Why does his unhappiness give him the right to make an isolated decision without you and without taking into account the rest of the family's interests? Yes I am sympathetic to the idea that he isn't happy but that should only be one aspect of such a decision and certainly should not give him the right to seemingly make the decision by himself without you. This is a decision that should be equally made by you and him, TOGETHER, with no one having a larger say. 

I am not trying to minimize his sense of unhappiness but that should be addressed separately from moving, again by you both, TOGETHER. Frankly there are times when adults must accept that their happiness isn't the main framework for family decisions if, in order to make themselves happy, they jeopardize the happiness of the rest of the family. 


sucker4myloves
by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 11:23 PM

This. To an extent, yes his happiness does make a difference, but why can't he be an adult and try to find other ways to fix the problem besides moving? Has he even considered finding an alternate solution to his work problems that make him unhappy? I am miserable now that I moved away from family and friends, and I hate living where I am now, and I am starting to resent my husband for it. He knows it too.

Quoting GaleJ:

I do not see this as others that have replied do. Why does his unhappiness give him the right to make an isolated decision without you and without taking into account the rest of the family's interests? Yes I am sympathetic to the idea that he isn't happy but that should only be one aspect of such a decision and certainly should not give him the right to seemingly make the decision by himself without you. This is a decision that should be equally made by you and him, TOGETHER, with no one having a larger say. 

I am not trying to minimize his sense of unhappiness but that should be addressed separately from moving, again by you both, TOGETHER. Frankly there are times when adults must accept that their happiness isn't the main framework for family decisions if, in order to make themselves happy, they jeopardize the happiness of the rest of the family. 


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connie45
by Gold Member on Nov. 14, 2012 at 11:40 PM
I agree with the ladies above. Doubtful the husband has done much to find alternative solutions to his unhappiness. Your family is financially struggling as it is. Realistically, how will you be able to move? What other states is he so sure he can find his type of work in?
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coolmommy2x
by Ruby Member on Nov. 14, 2012 at 11:49 PM
I agree with you.

Quoting GaleJ:

I do not see this as others that have replied do. Why does his unhappiness give him the right to make an isolated decision without you and without taking into account the rest of the family's interests? Yes I am sympathetic to the idea that he isn't happy but that should only be one aspect of such a decision and certainly should not give him the right to seemingly make the decision by himself without you. This is a decision that should be equally made by you and him, TOGETHER, with no one having a larger say. 


I am not trying to minimize his sense of unhappiness but that should be addressed separately from moving, again by you both, TOGETHER. Frankly there are times when adults must accept that their happiness isn't the main framework for family decisions if, in order to make themselves happy, they jeopardize the happiness of the rest of the family. 

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