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When bullying victims fight back, they get in trouble. At least at our school.

I know all fighting is wrong, but my daughter *finally* fought back for once and she got a referral for "sexual misconduct" because she kicked the boy in the groin after he flung her around and tried to slam her to the ground.

She's been sexually harassed on a regular basis for months by numerous students (dyke, cunt, etc), and nobody got written up for sexual misconduct. She's been hit, scratched, punched, etc. Nobody was written up. They all just "got a talking to". But the FIRST time she fights back, she gets a referral to go on her permanent record.

What Happens When Bully Victims Fight Back

I am so exhausted from dealing with this. I can't imagine how she feels.

I am looking into other schools next week.

I wrote the full story on my blog but am too tired to type it. :(

by on Nov. 15, 2012 at 11:02 PM
Replies (41-50):
boys2men2soon
by Silver Member on Nov. 16, 2012 at 2:36 PM
1 mom liked this

First, read your school's handbook so you know what the policies are with bullying and fighting.  Then read up on your State's policy on bullying in schools.

  Next, go to the superintendent and request a meeting with the super and the principal...explain that the bullying was consistantly ignored by staff and your daughter was not protected, therefore had to defend herself.   The offending kid put his hands on her first, therefore he assaulted her.    She simply defended herself.   If they do not reverse the referral, tell them you will now involve the police and the media.

You have to fight this!    Even if you move her to another school, her record will proceed her enrollment.




kansasmom1978
by on Nov. 16, 2012 at 2:51 PM

Yeah this happens at our schools too. Bullies get away with everything. But when one victim has enough and fights back they have the book thrown at them. And authorities wonder why kids are killing themselves. Blame the schools.

kansasmom1978
by on Nov. 16, 2012 at 2:57 PM

The newspaper is a wonderful idea!  Send a copy of the referral with it. The public school systems hate their dirty laundry being aired, but a lot of times they will do what they should have done in the first place once it's out in the open. We did it to get my son the special ed resources he desparatly needed.

Quoting Countrygerl:

Hey I have a idea. Do you really want to hit the school where it hurts? Write up a letter about this and take it to your local newspaper. Or bring this topic up to the media. I mind sound insane but this actually works sometimes. My family did this when they were having problems with their neighbors with the property boundries. Because the cops refused to help this situation. Well when their problems were published in the newspaper the cops got the whole thing resolved that day! Having that in the paper embarressed the police department so much in fact that actually got right on that matter. So maybe doing the same thing in your situation might help.


randomosityblog
by on Nov. 16, 2012 at 8:25 PM


Quoting coolmommy2x:

 I totally agree with you.  However, she got the sexual misconduct mark because she hit him in the groin.  When they've attacked her, unless the scratches or bruises were in a sexual area, they wouldn't be considered sexual misconduct.  Verbal attacks wouldn't be misconduct either, they would be harrassment. 

Again, I'm on your side but I can see why she got the write up that she did (although it's not fair).  I hope you get her into another school ASAP. 

I wrote a note saying I'd sign a paper saying she was fighting, but not one that included sexual misconduct. They didn't say anything, didn't call me, etc. I was even at the school today and they didn't mention it. They know they were in the wrong to label it as that.

Nell came home "sick" this morning. :( She's NEVER missed a day for being sick. She was throwing up. I think it was because of the bullying and stress. :(

KairisMama
by Ruby Member on Nov. 16, 2012 at 8:32 PM
1 mom liked this

 I'd reward her for fighting back. A referral is just a stupid piece of paper that means nothing. Did the other child get punished? THAT is what I'd INSIST ON.

coolmommy2x
by Ruby Member on Nov. 16, 2012 at 8:35 PM
I get so mad when I hear stories like this. I hope she gets happy again soon.

Quoting randomosityblog:


Quoting coolmommy2x:

 I totally agree with you.  However, she got the sexual misconduct mark because she hit him in the groin.  When they've attacked her, unless the scratches or bruises were in a sexual area, they wouldn't be considered sexual misconduct.  Verbal attacks wouldn't be misconduct either, they would be harrassment. 


Again, I'm on your side but I can see why she got the write up that she did (although it's not fair).  I hope you get her into another school ASAP. 

I wrote a note saying I'd sign a paper saying she was fighting, but not one that included sexual misconduct. They didn't say anything, didn't call me, etc. I was even at the school today and they didn't mention it. They know they were in the wrong to label it as that.

Nell came home "sick" this morning. :( She's NEVER missed a day for being sick. She was throwing up. I think it was because of the bullying and stress. :(

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
redhead-bedhead
by Platinum Member on Nov. 16, 2012 at 8:43 PM
I've been reading your blog and FB all year and your poor girl has been dealing with this the whole time. You have been up there many times because of the bullying, so the school knows it's going on.

It's time to lawyer up.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Clairwil
by Silver Member on Nov. 17, 2012 at 8:11 AM
1 mom liked this
Quoting randomosityblog:

my daughter *finally* fought back for once and she got a referral for "sexual misconduct" because she kicked the boy in the groin after he flung her around and tried to slam her to the ground.

Good for her.

From your blog:


She woke up one morning and her hair was finally touching her shoulders. She begged me to take her to the salon. I talked to her about the hair cut she was wanting, and warned her that the kids at her new school might make fun of her for it because they had only seen her with long hair. These are the before and after pictures of that hair cut.


Oh, I know.. I cried too. :( But just look how happy she is in the after pictures. So, anyway.. on to the point of this post. Jenelle has been having trouble with some boys at school since getting her hair cut. They’re calling her a “lesbo”, among other hurtful names

Clairwil
by Silver Member on Nov. 17, 2012 at 8:12 AM
1 mom liked this

I’ve talked about my daughters being bullied numerous times… on Facebook and here on my blog (twice).

  • On Sapphire’s first day of kindergarten this year, she was called a wh*re. The boy was not punished.
  • Gracelynn was called a lesbian, by a 5th grader. She is in 2nd grade. The child was not punished, because the witnesses were her friends.
  • Jenelle has been punched, hit, called a “dyke” and many other things. She is in 5th grade. One girl especially torments her, sexually harassing her, on an almost daily basis. Nothing has been done about this, even after multiple meetings with the school.

    I have sent emails to the superintendent (Supt@slps.org). I’ve spoken with school officials (teachers, principal, vice principal). I’m always assured it is being handled, but it continues.

    At recess yesterday, a boy was playing four square with Jenelle. He got out, and wouldn’t leave the game, so he and Jenelle were arguing. He grabbed her arms, swung her around, almost to the ground. She kicked him and got away from him. He cried, told the teacher, and Jenelle was told she would miss recess until December 3rd as punishment.

    Usually, Jenelle tells the teacher instead of fighting back, but it’s gotten to the point where she has been physically assaulted numerous times, so she has started fighting back – finally. The boy she fought back to this time happened to be younger than she is, so they are saying it’s ALL her fault. I’m visiting the school tomorrow to talk to the principal about it, but based on the history with this school, I doubt anything will be done. Jenelle asked me not to talk to the principal about it – she said she’d just take her punishment, and now she feels as if she is being bullied by the staff as well because they’re making her life miserable for sticking up for herself.

    As far as we know, based on responses by teachers and the principal, the children have not been written up or gotten in much (if any) trouble when picking on my girls.

    Like I said earlier, Jenelle fought back – and today she came home with a write-up for “sexual misconduct” because she kicked the boy in the genital area.

    What Happens When Bully Victims Fight Back

    This is what happens with the victim fights back. For months, she hasn’t fought back. Sexual misconduct? After I’ve had discussions NUMEROUS times with the principal about the sexual harassment she has been enduring? REALLY? The paper says there are 5 written witness statements of the account, yet when I asked the principal to talk to witnesses of past accounts she said they don’t do that. Jenelle said the witnesses are kids that don’t like her. I don’t know the entire story, as I wasn’t there, but she has always told the truth about these things before, so I have no reason to think she is lying.

    I’ve told her to “trust the system”… the teachers will do their jobs, and the bad kids will get in trouble. I’ve told her to do the RIGHT thing and tell the teachers instead of hitting back. She did, until she just got fed up with it all. I’ve seen my beautiful, kind, little girl turn into a child with low self-esteem that is not nearly as interested in school as she used to be.

    Related: Teen Punished for Trying to Stop Bully

    Jenelle has started to wonder “What is it about me that they don’t like?” – they’ve called her more names than she can count. They started calling her the lesbian, the dyke… she event came home saying one of the kids called her the C word. I was horrified. Still, nothing was done.

    I don’t know what else to do, except reach out to you guys and have you spread the word. The news stations have ignored me, the superintendent of the St. Louis Public Schools (Supt@slps.org — @SLPS_INFOFacebook) has ignored me, and the school doesn’t. freaking. care.

    Many people tell me I should just homeschool her, or switch schools – but you know what? Then they win. The bullies win. The lazy faculty win. The bad guys win. I have to keep advocating for my child. For my children. Until something is done. I’m sick of this. She’s sick of this.

    Just to be clear, I know that Jenelle kicking a student (especially one a grade or two lower than she is in) was wrong. I am not saying she is perfect, by ANY means. I’m simply at my wit’s end. I’m frustrated. I’ve tried talking to the administration until I’m blue in the face but it doesn’t work. They’re nice to my face, then rolling their eyes behind my back. I don’t know what else to do.



  • Read more: http://slapdashmom.com/what-happens-when-bully-victims-fight-back/#ixzz2CUAHAzYa

    SoKamele
    by Silver Member on Nov. 17, 2012 at 8:24 AM
    1 mom liked this

    Well, I'm very sorry for your daughter and hope you get this resolved in your favor......

    As for me........I'm not gonna smack a kid......but I'll dang sure beat that child's parent.

    It's all good.......cuz I've got bail money.

    I will NOT have my child bullied by anyone. I know that isn't the right solution, but it's exactly how I feel when I read something like this.

    Somebody is going down......hard.

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