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Marriage in the dumps!

Posted by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 3:27 PM
  • 21 Replies

I really need support & guidance right now.

My husband and I have been married for 8 years, together 10.We recently had a baby boy this July, making us a family of 4 :o)

My marriage is in flippin' dumps :o( We had a ton of fun TTO during the summer 2011. We were going on vacations and working out together - in the best shapes of our lifes. We did still have stresses with my husband working for my brother, me still in school, and got ourselves into some credit card issues.

During my pregnancy, my husband also burned his foot really badly being dumb, which resulted in a skin graft & him being out of work for about a month w/out benefits. He works construction. There has ALWAYS been stress around his work b/c it can come with great pay and be gone the next day. I will admit that I got pretty stern while pregnant... deciding I wanted us to work hard at our credit, him find a stable job, and keep my eye on graduating. It has been so stressful with him having an unstable job. I know I tend to hold resentment for it. He works hard when he is working!! I will never take away from the fact that he is a hard worker, a loyal loyal loyal person, and amazing father.

He slacks when it comes to the house. We are so different when it comes to this because I love things to be spotless and in order. All I ask of him is to pick up after himself, take out the trash, and help when I ask but sometimes that even seems like too much. He trashes out his truck and our backyard (his work area). It has really made me resent him. He holds resentment toward me because he says, I treat him like a "toy soldier," I don't have any sympathy, and he actually feels like I only love him when he is working & making money. This all recently came out in an arguement we had. That breaks my heart, because I do truly love him. I just get tired of running the house, paying the bills, having the job with benefits, etc.

There is soooo much more....ugh. I feel so lost.

by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 3:27 PM
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Replies (1-10):
rune777
by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 4:51 PM

i know how you feel if you want to talk look me up on fb my name is Aubrey Beach

meghs822
by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 4:53 PM
1 mom liked this
I'm sorry :( he should be your partner, in all ways,
There are more ways to contribute to a household than just financially! Picking up after himself isn't too much to ask for
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Roo1234
by Bronze Member on Nov. 19, 2012 at 4:54 PM
are the things that drive you crazy about his behavior new, it have they always been a part of who he is?
Hot_Badonkadonk
by Rachel Lu on Nov. 19, 2012 at 4:56 PM

To be honest, he has always been this way :o( We got married when we were 20 years old.

He says, that I do not love him for him and he is tired of it. I feel so torn because part of me wonders if it is true. I am not ready to let go of my marriage though. I do love him but there are things I don't like about him.

Quoting Roo1234:

are the things that drive you crazy about his behavior new, it have they always been a part of who he is?

 

Hot_Badonkadonk
by Rachel Lu on Nov. 19, 2012 at 5:00 PM

I completely agree. It just seems so hard for him. He will really really try, but never sees the house the way that I do. To me it is like he half asses everything, then it pisses him off because he doesn't feel appreciated. 

Sometimes, I wonder if it is me being too anal about it or it is him. 

Quoting meghs822:

I'm sorry :( he should be your partner, in all ways,
There are more ways to contribute to a household than just financially! Picking up after himself isn't too much to ask for

 

wildlilacs
by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 5:09 PM
Is there any thruth to what he said, about you treatin him like a soldier, you being the general? Men dont like to be told what to do. You both need to lay it all out on the table, resentments and all. Agrree to view each point as construction not negative.
Try marriage counseling.
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pamelax3
by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 5:18 PM

Sounds to me that you guys need to sit down without being in an argument and talk this out.

Hot_Badonkadonk
by Rachel Lu on Nov. 19, 2012 at 5:32 PM

I try not to be. I feel like nothing will get done if I don't ask for help. I have asked nicely. There are times that I haven't asked not so nicely too.  We did lay it all out just 3 weeks ago and things we looking up.

Then, last night they hit the fan again. Just made some calls around for a counselor. I am just so bummed.

Quoting wildlilacs:

Is there any thruth to what he said, about you treatin him like a soldier, you being the general? Men dont like to be told what to do. You both need to lay it all out on the table, resentments and all. Agrree to view each point as construction not negative.
Try marriage counseling.

 

kagegirl
by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 7:29 PM
People ask have their quirks. Some we just have to put up with. Like my momma days, if your worst day with him is better than your best day without him, then it is worth it. Pick your battles after this long, I doubt you will get him to make am overhaul.
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Pnukey
by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 7:38 PM
1 mom liked this

You have to let him be himself, even if he's messier than you.  He doesn't have to do everything your way. His way is valid, too. To me, it sounds like you're being a bit of a control freak.

I've been married 14 years. Issues come up. You work through them.

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