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We chose between Family...or ...Love.

Posted by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 9:36 AM
  • 7 Replies

And we chose love.

Me and my 10 yr old DD (whom has ADD/ ODD/ Separation anxiety) have been struggling a lot here in the city , our family lives about an hour and a half away...

I was separated a year ago from a very toxic relationship , and eventually had to cut ties between the ex and my child because of the mind games he was playing , but it had left me with so much work with my DD ..i was having a hard time doing it all on my own.

My mom had offered to take my DD for me for a couple of months to help me out , i of course thanked her for her offer ...but told her that i couldn't be away from my daughter like that.

I had been seeing someone for about 4 months ...things were not serious , but i knew i had fallen in love with him , i knew that he was what i wanted in life ...but i'll admit a part of me was scared to ask for more because i didnt want the rejection ..and well, i hadn't ever known anyone to committ to me as someone does in a healthy relationship.

My daughter was just that ..MINE , and i didn't want to even think of putting the responsiblity onto me and my DD talked and decided to move that hour and a half away.

I told him of my decision , and he seemed rather fine with it ...was telling me that it was an awesome idea for me and my daughter ...a part of me was sad because he seemed so ok with it , but the other part of me loved him even more for being so supportive...yes, mixed feelings or what lol.

We had discussed the possiblity of him coming up to see me , but i never really put any concrete thought into it...because well...i wasn't giving myself enough credit.

I had been noticing that he seemed more sad along the way, but i had chalked it down to the events going on in his life , and was trying to be supportive for him as well.

So i gathered up a few things , hiked off to my parents and found an apartment a week later...

When i came back home, he seemed to want to spend more time with me than he did before, i was hearing from him more ...and so i had to ask 'why?'

He broke down then , and told me that he loved me and that he never wanted to lose me, he understood why i was going be closer to family and to get the support i needed for my daughter. But then he also told me that he never plans on letting the distance get in the way of 'US' , and that he wanted to be with me ...he wanted to be there for me and for my daughter , he wanted to be able to say that i was his wife some day.

He told me than that he was taking the blame ..the blame for not truely showing me how he felt about me , and for being scared because he too had been in a toxic relationship before hand...but that the idea of me moving was tearing him apart.

And that he knows that he now has to prove to me that he wants me , and if it means me moving and him coming to me and him doing what ever he needs to do to prove it to me..than he would gladly do so.

I couldn't believe my ears...and my head was whirling with all the new information that i had...i just couldn't stop thinking about how this is the first man that i ever actually wanted to marry , and he wanted me ? AND wanted my daughter?? And he was willing to go that distance to be with me ??

I started having conflicting emotions by than, but the fact that my DD seemed to be so excited about moving and had seemed to want it so bad...i felt i had no choice but to continue with the move , i put on a happy face about it and was excited along with her..

But the one day we were all standing in the kitchen after a fun filled day, and a good meal together and my email notifications went off was a message from her, saying "mommy i'm so sorry but i really do not want to move'.

I just looked up at her, she sat at the table with this sad look on her face....the logic part of me set in and thought ' she is a kid...she is going to have mixed emotions..' but the other part of me wanted to jump up and down and be so excited that things may work out ...but me and the beau started pointing out positives of moving, in case it was her just having doubts..

For a week and a half , she made it a point to tell me ' im sorry i should have told you, but i really dont want to move that far away'.

After a lot of thinking ...and soul searching , i knew that i had already signed the family was looking forward to me coming , i didn't know how to get out of it without hurting someone in the process...and a part of me was scared not to make the move.

So...i called my mom to use her as a sounding board, she told me that i had to do what i thought was best and that they would be dissapointed but that they would support me, so i got off the phone with her..knowing exactly what i wanted..and where i wanted to be.

I walked over to the beau's house , sat him down and asked ' do you love me?' he said yes , i asked ' do you really want to marry me?' he said ' with everything i have' , i asked ' are you prepared to go down a rocky road where my daughter is concerned', he said ' yes ' i asked if i stayed , would he be ok with driving me up to see my parents once a month, he said of course could see it in his eyes , the tears starting to roll down his face ...i knew right then that it was what i wanted , so i told him that if i could get out of the lease , i would be staying.

He broke down in tears...smiling and crying and just hugged me.

Just then my mom called me and told me that she thought it was a mistake for me to stay and that i should at least give it 6 months up there , and that he could always come up every weekend to see me , the logical part of me came into play and i told her that i know she was excited about me moving up there , and i was sorry for dissapointing her , but in all logic...i have the money to move now , but i wont in 6 months and i know that we would be miserable up there and i didnt want to start this relationship off as long distance ...that i wanted to marry this man , and in order to have a successful marriage he needed to get to know my daughter on a regular basis...get to know her in's and outs and we needed to get to really know eachother and grow to love on another even more than we do now...and these were things i wouldn't be able to do living up there , and that it was more logical for me to stay and see how this works out, then for me to move my daughter to a new school and a new only move back in 6 months.

So i called the landlord and got out of my lease , thankfully he had a new tenant within the hour.

He is driving me up on the 9th and has every intention on introducing himself as the man that wants to marry me , we of course are going slow and it isn't official yet ...i still need to get a divorce from my marriage that i left 9 yrs ago and i will start that process this week...but there is no doubt in my mind this is what i want.

I am a 32 yr old woman, whom has a 10 yr old daughter ...and we had to make a decision or love the end , we are going to have both...

And we couldn't be more happier , i just had to write that all down and share it :)

by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 9:36 AM
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Replies (1-7):
by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 12:47 PM

 Wow! What a story. =)

It sounds like things are working out in your favor. I hope they continue to. Congratulations!!!

by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 3:35 PM

Quoting itsblissmas:

 Wow! What a story. =)

It sounds like things are working out in your favor. I hope they continue to. Congratulations!!!

Thank you!!

by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 3:45 PM

Congrats! What an amazing story

by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 4:20 PM
i can seriously relate,about the ex and current and not being divorced but wantin to marry another.i moved and it was the best thing for me and my boys.we moved to my df's hometown.
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by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 4:30 PM
Readers Digest version please.
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by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 4:51 PM
Awww:) so happy for you!
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by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 8:21 PM
thank you ladies :)
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