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What do you do when....? (advice)

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What do you do when your child is being bullied but instead of telling a teacher, they decide to act out and disrupt the whole class?


My 7 yr old ds is being bullied at school. Everyday at recess this other child will knock him down and call him mean names. Instead of talking to the teacher about it he will run away, throw things and today even locked himself in the bathroom. I don't know what to do. When he finally tells me what happened after I already brought him home and checked him out of school, I will call the principal and let her know. I spoke to his teacher at confrences last week and keep in contact with her as much as possible. For a couple days they seemed like they were going to try to be friends but obviously it is not working out. How do I get him to understand that it is not his fault and the teachers are there to help? How do I make him understand that by acting the way he does, he is the one getting in trouble and kicked out of school instead of the other child?

by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 1:16 PM
Replies (11-18):
mamacam7
by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 2:16 PM

I can try talking to the mom but my son still needs to learn how to speak up. I can't switch schools because this one is right around the corner and I don't have a license plus my daughter has to be at her school 5 mins before my older boys have to be at theirs....they are right next to each other.

Quoting rune777:

i would recomend having a coversation withthe other kids mom if that dosint work you may need to swich him to a difrint school maby a new start will help him not act out


GaleJ
by Silver Member on Nov. 20, 2012 at 2:29 PM
1 mom liked this

Firstly I strongly suggest you adjust your vocabulary when dealing with this issue. Your son is not "acting out" if he is reacting to being bullied! His reaction is well within the bounds of normal even if it is not, strictly speaking, acceptable. To react negatively to the violence of the bullying should not be anything he is punished for and if the school and all the teachers and the principal don't "get that" then bump this up to a formal complaint and if you have the resources to do so, have an attorney send a letter explaining what you are doing and why. 

That they are not observant enough to be able to see what is happening and are only looking at your son's behavior is a sign of a serious problem on their part. Unless your son has a long history of such behavior or has, in some way, special needs, the fact that he is now behaving in such ways should be a clue that they need to figure out the problem. That they have not done so is a serious failing and you should be very proactive in dealing with this situation. 

No one should have to be bullied and it is both a sacred as well as a legal obligation that schools must act in these situations!

AMBG825
by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 2:36 PM
Bring it to the teachers attention. Regardless of anything else the teacher is ultimately responsible. Once she is made aware of an issue she has an obligation to keep an eye on the situation. Talk to the teacher first.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
mamacam7
by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 3:13 PM

When he is throwing things and knocking things over then he will be punished. He needs to learn to tell someone when it happens instead of waiting until he is home to talk to me about it. I will not allow him to disrupt others learning and his own by throwing tantrums in the middle of class and running away from the school to where the principal has to chase him for his own saftey. I unsterstand that it is "normal" to act negatively in this circumstance and I really hate to punish him because of this (I was in tears today), but he has to learn that it is not the appropriate way to deal with it. I have already talked to the principal on many occasions including last year when he was having similar outburts (but wouldn't even tell me) and I talk to the teacher face to face atleast 2-3 times a week. 


btw- he does have a long history of these behaviors including shutting down and not speaking. He was seeing a councelor at school who has just finished up with him and the past few months he was doing well. It has just ben the last 2 weeks or so that he has gone back to the way he was. Just this year I have been able to get him to talk to me once he calms down but he still needs to tell the teacher when something happens.

Quoting GaleJ:

Firstly I strongly suggest you adjust your vocabulary when dealing with this issue. Your son is not "acting out" if he is reacting to being bullied! His reaction is well within the bounds of normal even if it is not, strictly speaking, acceptable. To react negatively to the violence of the bullying should not be anything he is punished for and if the school and all the teachers and the principal don't "get that" then bump this up to a formal complaint and if you have the resources to do so, have an attorney send a letter explaining what you are doing and why. 

That they are not observant enough to be able to see what is happening and are only looking at your son's behavior is a sign of a serious problem on their part. Unless your son has a long history of such behavior or has, in some way, special needs, the fact that he is now behaving in such ways should be a clue that they need to figure out the problem. That they have not done so is a serious failing and you should be very proactive in dealing with this situation. 

No one should have to be bullied and it is both a sacred as well as a legal obligation that schools must act in these situations!


mamacam7
by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 3:17 PM

I already have, and the principal too. I did speak to the principal again today and asked if it would be ok to sit out at recess and watch (2-3 days a week) since I am getting my daughter from preschool right at that time and I walk by the playground. She said that it was a great idea and my son thinks so too. I would do it everyday but somedays I will have my 5 yr old too because of the blue/green schedule and there would be no use of me being there other than a disruption to everyone else because of his adhd and not listening.

Quoting AMBG825:

Bring it to the teachers attention. Regardless of anything else the teacher is ultimately responsible. Once she is made aware of an issue she has an obligation to keep an eye on the situation. Talk to the teacher first.


pasteeater
by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 3:19 PM
Schools don't usually do that. At least not one that my kids have gone to. My son is like the op's boy. When he was younger he got picked on by a few kids. He never told the teacher. No matter how many times we all told him to. But now he's good friends with them.

Quoting rune777:

i would recomend having a coversation withthe other kids mom if that dosint work you may need to swich him to a difrint school maby a new start will help him not act out

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
pamelax3
by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 3:59 PM

I am not sure. But here is a bump for you

GaleJ
by Silver Member on Nov. 20, 2012 at 8:42 PM

Thank you for the explanation. Has the counselor been involved in the ongoing issues in terms of the bullying ? Perhaps the counselor could help your son develop a method to alert the teacher to what is happening in an appropriate but non-verbal way, some sort of sign. I had a child in our class that used this method, as suggested by the child's counselor, to signal the adults in the room when things became too intense for the child to handle. This was a child with sensory issues and we were able to help the child by stepping in when the child signaled. 

Please know that my thoughts are with your son and your family as you deal with this. My hope is that, with help from involved and caring teachers, the bullying can be brought to an absolute end so that your son may feel safe and secure at school.

Quoting mamacam7:

When he is throwing things and knocking things over then he will be punished. He needs to learn to tell someone when it happens instead of waiting until he is home to talk to me about it. I will not allow him to disrupt others learning and his own by throwing tantrums in the middle of class and running away from the school to where the principal has to chase him for his own saftey. I unsterstand that it is "normal" to act negatively in this circumstance and I really hate to punish him because of this (I was in tears today), but he has to learn that it is not the appropriate way to deal with it. I have already talked to the principal on many occasions including last year when he was having similar outburts (but wouldn't even tell me) and I talk to the teacher face to face atleast 2-3 times a week. 

 

btw- he does have a long history of these behaviors including shutting down and not speaking. He was seeing a councelor at school who has just finished up with him and the past few months he was doing well. It has just ben the last 2 weeks or so that he has gone back to the way he was. Just this year I have been able to get him to talk to me once he calms down but he still needs to tell the teacher when something happens.

Quoting GaleJ:

Firstly I strongly suggest you adjust your vocabulary when dealing with this issue. Your son is not "acting out" if he is reacting to being bullied! His reaction is well within the bounds of normal even if it is not, strictly speaking, acceptable. To react negatively to the violence of the bullying should not be anything he is punished for and if the school and all the teachers and the principal don't "get that" then bump this up to a formal complaint and if you have the resources to do so, have an attorney send a letter explaining what you are doing and why. 

That they are not observant enough to be able to see what is happening and are only looking at your son's behavior is a sign of a serious problem on their part. Unless your son has a long history of such behavior or has, in some way, special needs, the fact that he is now behaving in such ways should be a clue that they need to figure out the problem. That they have not done so is a serious failing and you should be very proactive in dealing with this situation. 

No one should have to be bullied and it is both a sacred as well as a legal obligation that schools must act in these situations!


 

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