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Adjusting issues with an 8 year old

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About a week ago me and my EX broke up he is the father of my kids and has made no real attempt to see his kids sence i moved on on sunday. He will send a text to my son but that is about it. My son has been down this road before this is the third time we have broken up and this time i am done for good. The other times my son seem to do ok with adjusting. This time though he seems to be struggling with adjusting. I have been trying to make it easy for him and help him as much as i can but still nothing. We are set to move in to a 2 bedroom apartment in a couple weeks and ny mom just came in and said we should have just got a 1 bedroom because my son has been sleeping in my room with me. She says its pointless to spend all this money on a 2 bedroom if hes not going to sleep in his room. I understand why my son has been sleeping in my room and i have tried to explain to him that he is a big boy and that he needs to try to sleep in his room. Last night he made it in his room most of the night but for some reason ended up in my bed again. Any advice would be great thanks.

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by on Nov. 22, 2012 at 1:26 PM
Replies (31-40):
jenking04
by Silver Member on Nov. 23, 2012 at 2:28 PM


Quoting bkwrmem:

he'll be fine ignore your mom though. i was his age (according to your age chart things) when my parents got divorced i spent about a month or so wanting to have my mom sleep with me in my bed (we were 4 moving into a 2 bed room me and my bro shared a room my sister had her own and my mom slept on the couch.) cause i felt like my whole world was just falling apart and i wanted to have something showing me that it wasn't and that meant a lot of mommy time. my mom had to work but she made sure to always make time for us so we knew that even though mommy and daddy weren't gonna be together we still had our family. it helped a lot.  we talked also so maybe, i read in a reply he doesn't like to talk about his feelings, let him know he still has his family and if he wants you can talk. and just try and get him into his own room but i wouldn't really force him. good luck.

I never in a million years thought my kids would be from a broken home. I thought what we had was forever. But i was so wrong i know i deserve better and so do my kids and hopflly one day we will find better. I spend alot of time with my kids to make sure they understand that we will be ok and in the end we will be stronger.

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Allinorder
by on Nov. 23, 2012 at 2:28 PM

Thank goodness you are breaking the cycle. You gotta let your son express his feelings and let him grieve over what is going on. I would go crazy if I had to keep everything inside.

Quoting jenking04:

 

Quoting Allinorder:

Your mom is being heartless about the whole ordeal. I would tell your mom to butt out of it and hes your child. I am trying to be a bitch but when bad things happen kids cling to there parents. I am 32 and when bad things happen I just want my mom to hug me and tell me itll be ok. Just let him sleep with you and in time he'll accept that you and his dad arent together any longer.

Quoting jenking04:

 

Quoting Allinorder:

I would let your son sleep next to you. His dad is gone and he's upset. I don't blame him for being sad. My parents stayed together but I don't know what I'd do if my parents split. Get a 2 bedroom and put his bed in there and when things get better move him in there.

He did end up sleeping in his own room last night. But talking to him this morning he said it was hard for him. I understand him wanting to sleep in my bedwith me or in my room with me right now. But my mom is making a bid deal out of it saying that if i allow him to sleep in my bed or in my room it will make it hard to get him out of my bed or out of my room when we move cause i am starting a bad habbit. I refuse to push my kids away when i know they are hurting. I want my kids to know that no matter what i will always be there for them and they can always come to me for anything. I want my kids to know that they can always depend on me no matter what. I refuse to be a parents like my parents where to me. I never felt good enough for them and i never really felt loved. Not like they did with my brother. They did everything for my brother and nothing for me. Even now they act like his is perfect and i am the screw up.

 

I agree that my mom is being heartless. But growing up in my house we were never able to express are feelings. When i was 16 my BFF died suddenly and i was crying. My dad came into my room and told me to answer the door. I answered the door and my dad said are you crying again. I turned to him and i said for your information my BFF just died. I refuse to let my kids grow up and not be able to express how the feel if they are sad or whatever. I tried to explain to my mom why he was sleeping in my room and she said i'm just asking for problems.


jenking04
by Silver Member on Nov. 23, 2012 at 2:32 PM


Quoting Allinorder:

Thank goodness you are breaking the cycle. You gotta let your son express his feelings and let him grieve over what is going on. I would go crazy if I had to keep everything inside.

Quoting jenking04:

 

Quoting Allinorder:

Your mom is being heartless about the whole ordeal. I would tell your mom to butt out of it and hes your child. I am trying to be a bitch but when bad things happen kids cling to there parents. I am 32 and when bad things happen I just want my mom to hug me and tell me itll be ok. Just let him sleep with you and in time he'll accept that you and his dad arent together any longer.

Quoting jenking04:

 

Quoting Allinorder:

I would let your son sleep next to you. His dad is gone and he's upset. I don't blame him for being sad. My parents stayed together but I don't know what I'd do if my parents split. Get a 2 bedroom and put his bed in there and when things get better move him in there.

He did end up sleeping in his own room last night. But talking to him this morning he said it was hard for him. I understand him wanting to sleep in my bedwith me or in my room with me right now. But my mom is making a bid deal out of it saying that if i allow him to sleep in my bed or in my room it will make it hard to get him out of my bed or out of my room when we move cause i am starting a bad habbit. I refuse to push my kids away when i know they are hurting. I want my kids to know that no matter what i will always be there for them and they can always come to me for anything. I want my kids to know that they can always depend on me no matter what. I refuse to be a parents like my parents where to me. I never felt good enough for them and i never really felt loved. Not like they did with my brother. They did everything for my brother and nothing for me. Even now they act like his is perfect and i am the screw up.

 

I agree that my mom is being heartless. But growing up in my house we were never able to express are feelings. When i was 16 my BFF died suddenly and i was crying. My dad came into my room and told me to answer the door. I answered the door and my dad said are you crying again. I turned to him and i said for your information my BFF just died. I refuse to let my kids grow up and not be able to express how the feel if they are sad or whatever. I tried to explain to my mom why he was sleeping in my room and she said i'm just asking for problems.

 

My son is alot like me he does keep everything bottled up inside. My grandma died over 3 years ago she was my best friend and i spentalot of time with her i really havent grieved for her cause growing up i was told that it wasnt ok.

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bkwrmem
by Emily on Nov. 23, 2012 at 2:49 PM


Quoting jenking04:


Quoting bkwrmem:

he'll be fine ignore your mom though. i was his age (according to your age chart things) when my parents got divorced i spent about a month or so wanting to have my mom sleep with me in my bed (we were 4 moving into a 2 bed room me and my bro shared a room my sister had her own and my mom slept on the couch.) cause i felt like my whole world was just falling apart and i wanted to have something showing me that it wasn't and that meant a lot of mommy time. my mom had to work but she made sure to always make time for us so we knew that even though mommy and daddy weren't gonna be together we still had our family. it helped a lot.  we talked also so maybe, i read in a reply he doesn't like to talk about his feelings, let him know he still has his family and if he wants you can talk. and just try and get him into his own room but i wouldn't really force him. good luck.

I never in a million years thought my kids would be from a broken home. I thought what we had was forever. But i was so wrong i know i deserve better and so do my kids and hopflly one day we will find better. I spend alot of time with my kids to make sure they understand that we will be ok and in the end we will be stronger.

then you guys will be ok it'll be hard sometimes but with what you just said there you'll be fine all of you.  sorry had to happen it sucks but you guys will be stronger and ok. 

jenking04
by Silver Member on Nov. 23, 2012 at 2:53 PM


Quoting bkwrmem:


Quoting jenking04:

 

Quoting bkwrmem:

he'll be fine ignore your mom though. i was his age (according to your age chart things) when my parents got divorced i spent about a month or so wanting to have my mom sleep with me in my bed (we were 4 moving into a 2 bed room me and my bro shared a room my sister had her own and my mom slept on the couch.) cause i felt like my whole world was just falling apart and i wanted to have something showing me that it wasn't and that meant a lot of mommy time. my mom had to work but she made sure to always make time for us so we knew that even though mommy and daddy weren't gonna be together we still had our family. it helped a lot.  we talked also so maybe, i read in a reply he doesn't like to talk about his feelings, let him know he still has his family and if he wants you can talk. and just try and get him into his own room but i wouldn't really force him. good luck.

I never in a million years thought my kids would be from a broken home. I thought what we had was forever. But i was so wrong i know i deserve better and so do my kids and hopflly one day we will find better. I spend alot of time with my kids to make sure they understand that we will be ok and in the end we will be stronger.

then you guys will be ok it'll be hard sometimes but with what you just said there you'll be fine all of you.  sorry had to happen it sucks but you guys will be stronger and ok. 

I beleive we will be stronger and better off in the end. Nad maybe one day i will meet someone new that will deserve me and my kids and treat us like we should be treated and my kids can have a good male role model at last. I would have known things would end this way and my kids would be in so much pain i would have NEVER married this guy or even dated him.

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achapman
by on Nov. 23, 2012 at 4:18 PM

about the bedroom thing you have two kids correct? are you suppose to shove all 3 of you in one room i mean come on your mom has to think about that.

Allinorder
by on Nov. 23, 2012 at 4:31 PM
I used to keep everything inside as a teenager and I being angry all the time. My parents thought I was crazy. I had a doctor say I had bipolar because I would explode. I never had bipolar when I would have enough I exploded and everything that was inside came out. I no longer keep things bottled up and I no longer explode. I would get your son to bring things out and deal with them. In my opinion if he doesn't it could lead to alcohol or drugs. Have you seen a person doing drugs or alcohol for no reason? Every alcoholic or drug addict I have met did those things to cope. I'm not trying to rude or offensive in anyway. I'm only trying to help. I work with my kids on coping skills. I was never taught them growing up and found out to cope later in life.


Quoting jenking04:



Quoting Allinorder:


Thank goodness you are breaking the cycle. You gotta let your son express his feelings and let him grieve over what is going on. I would go crazy if I had to keep everything inside.


Quoting jenking04:


 


Quoting Allinorder:


Your mom is being heartless about the whole ordeal. I would tell your mom to butt out of it and hes your child. I am trying to be a bitch but when bad things happen kids cling to there parents. I am 32 and when bad things happen I just want my mom to hug me and tell me itll be ok. Just let him sleep with you and in time he'll accept that you and his dad arent together any longer.


Quoting jenking04:


 


Quoting Allinorder:

I would let your son sleep next to you. His dad is gone and he's upset. I don't blame him for being sad. My parents stayed together but I don't know what I'd do if my parents split. Get a 2 bedroom and put his bed in there and when things get better move him in there.

He did end up sleeping in his own room last night. But talking to him this morning he said it was hard for him. I understand him wanting to sleep in my bedwith me or in my room with me right now. But my mom is making a bid deal out of it saying that if i allow him to sleep in my bed or in my room it will make it hard to get him out of my bed or out of my room when we move cause i am starting a bad habbit. I refuse to push my kids away when i know they are hurting. I want my kids to know that no matter what i will always be there for them and they can always come to me for anything. I want my kids to know that they can always depend on me no matter what. I refuse to be a parents like my parents where to me. I never felt good enough for them and i never really felt loved. Not like they did with my brother. They did everything for my brother and nothing for me. Even now they act like his is perfect and i am the screw up.


 


I agree that my mom is being heartless. But growing up in my house we were never able to express are feelings. When i was 16 my BFF died suddenly and i was crying. My dad came into my room and told me to answer the door. I answered the door and my dad said are you crying again. I turned to him and i said for your information my BFF just died. I refuse to let my kids grow up and not be able to express how the feel if they are sad or whatever. I tried to explain to my mom why he was sleeping in my room and she said i'm just asking for problems.


 


My son is alot like me he does keep everything bottled up inside. My grandma died over 3 years ago she was my best friend and i spentalot of time with her i really havent grieved for her cause growing up i was told that it wasnt ok.


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jenking04
by Silver Member on Nov. 23, 2012 at 5:49 PM


Quoting Allinorder:

I used to keep everything inside as a teenager and I being angry all the time. My parents thought I was crazy. I had a doctor say I had bipolar because I would explode. I never had bipolar when I would have enough I exploded and everything that was inside came out. I no longer keep things bottled up and I no longer explode. I would get your son to bring things out and deal with them. In my opinion if he doesn't it could lead to alcohol or drugs. Have you seen a person doing drugs or alcohol for no reason? Every alcoholic or drug addict I have met did those things to cope. I'm not trying to rude or offensive in anyway. I'm only trying to help. I work with my kids on coping skills. I was never taught them growing up and found out to cope later in life.


Quoting jenking04:

 


Quoting Allinorder:


Thank goodness you are breaking the cycle. You gotta let your son express his feelings and let him grieve over what is going on. I would go crazy if I had to keep everything inside.


Quoting jenking04:


 


Quoting Allinorder:


Your mom is being heartless about the whole ordeal. I would tell your mom to butt out of it and hes your child. I am trying to be a bitch but when bad things happen kids cling to there parents. I am 32 and when bad things happen I just want my mom to hug me and tell me itll be ok. Just let him sleep with you and in time he'll accept that you and his dad arent together any longer.


Quoting jenking04:


 


Quoting Allinorder:

I would let your son sleep next to you. His dad is gone and he's upset. I don't blame him for being sad. My parents stayed together but I don't know what I'd do if my parents split. Get a 2 bedroom and put his bed in there and when things get better move him in there.

He did end up sleeping in his own room last night. But talking to him this morning he said it was hard for him. I understand him wanting to sleep in my bedwith me or in my room with me right now. But my mom is making a bid deal out of it saying that if i allow him to sleep in my bed or in my room it will make it hard to get him out of my bed or out of my room when we move cause i am starting a bad habbit. I refuse to push my kids away when i know they are hurting. I want my kids to know that no matter what i will always be there for them and they can always come to me for anything. I want my kids to know that they can always depend on me no matter what. I refuse to be a parents like my parents where to me. I never felt good enough for them and i never really felt loved. Not like they did with my brother. They did everything for my brother and nothing for me. Even now they act like his is perfect and i am the screw up.


 


I agree that my mom is being heartless. But growing up in my house we were never able to express are feelings. When i was 16 my BFF died suddenly and i was crying. My dad came into my room and told me to answer the door. I answered the door and my dad said are you crying again. I turned to him and i said for your information my BFF just died. I refuse to let my kids grow up and not be able to express how the feel if they are sad or whatever. I tried to explain to my mom why he was sleeping in my room and she said i'm just asking for problems.


 


My son is alot like me he does keep everything bottled up inside. My grandma died over 3 years ago she was my best friend and i spentalot of time with her i really havent grieved for her cause growing up i was told that it wasnt ok.



I work with him everyday about expressing himself because i dont want him to grow up and be like me. I have spent most of my life angry at the world because its hard for me to express myself. I gave talked to the counseler at school and she has been trying to work with him. I told him that if he ever feels down or upset that he can always talk to me or talk to some one at his school.

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jenking04
by Silver Member on Nov. 23, 2012 at 5:51 PM


Quoting achapman:

about the bedroom thing you have two kids correct? are you suppose to shove all 3 of you in one room i mean come on your mom has to think about that.


My mom ust thinks it is pointless to get a two bedroom cause my son is having issues sleeping in his own room right now cause he is having problems adjusting to not having his dad around so he wants to be a mama's boy right now.

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Due9
by on Nov. 23, 2012 at 6:22 PM

My advice is to love on him more than anything. Lots of hugs, kisses, "i love you's"....He wants to know that he is loved and mom is there for him. I am sure you are, but just overdue it at this sensitive time.

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