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She wants me to take DS to the funeral *update*

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So my mom's uncle passed away on wednesday, his funeral is monday.

My ds is 6 and has never been to a funeral where there was a body, only ones with urns. (most of my family has wanted to be creamated) I don't want my ds there, he is too young and didn't know my uncle at all. I told my mother this.

My mother is now throwing a fit because she wants ds to meet her family. I understand her reasoning since my family gets together for 2 things, weddings and funerals. And since we never get invited to weddings funerals are pretty much it.

How would you handle this?


Update: the funeral was this morning and I didn't take DS. I barely knew him and DS didnt know him at all. he had military honors and it was outside for the most part. DS would have been complaining about being cold the whole time. it was also an emotinal mess when it came to my mom's cousins (understandable, they just lost their dad) DS wouldn't have been able to handle it. I know my child well enough to know that situations that have strong emotions involved affect him and not always in good ways. this would have been one of those situations. I would have taken him to the get together afterwards but I would have had to taken him out of school to do so and it was also at my uncles favorite resturant and I don't have the extra cash right now. 


thank you for all of your well wishes.

by on Nov. 24, 2012 at 8:19 PM
Replies (11-20):
_WC_Mama
by on Nov. 24, 2012 at 8:29 PM

I went to my first funeral when I was around 8 or 9,my Great Grandfather passed away and those images are forever in my head,his casket was closed,but I remember just standing there watching my Grandma,my Aunts and other relatives in tears as his coffin was being lowered into the ground and they put a flower onto the casket and covered it with dirt...I would say he's your son and it's your choice and your MIL has no right to pitch a fit,one of my relatives died years ago and my children were not expected to go nor do I think they could have handled it since I almost died and they still are upset about that,so them going to a funeral would not have been right in my Book and they are 8 & 6...I misread you said it's your Mother,I would tell her NO and that is that...

Good Luck

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strongerthanB4
by on Nov. 24, 2012 at 8:31 PM
2 moms liked this

 We are raising a nation of big ass babies. The boy is 6, the reason he would be traumatized by this is if you make him that way. I would let him go just so it could be a learning experience. He needs to understand death, it will not kill him.  Let the boy grow up, this is how adults end up with issues about death, all because mommy wants to baby them.

Paperfishies
by on Nov. 24, 2012 at 8:32 PM
Eh, 6 isn't too young.

My kids have been to many funeral homes visitations. When my daughter was 7 she stayed at the funeral home with me when my dad died. Death is a natural part of life.
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JulieBrown
by on Nov. 24, 2012 at 8:34 PM

Could you stay at the house preparing for after the funeral? 

A friend of mine died and there were a few of us with small children.... we helped setup for the gathering at the family's house.  That way the children could be a part of the gathering, but not be too involved in the actual funeral. 



colins_mom
by Heather on Nov. 24, 2012 at 8:38 PM
I went to my first funeral at the age of 6, my grandfathers, and I hate funerals now. They upset me. That and he didnt know the man, hell I barely knew the man. He can.learn to accept death another way. I am not going to take him so that he doesnt see my mom and aunts upset.

Quoting strongerthanB4:

 We are raising a nation of big ass babies. The boy is 6, the reason he would be traumatized by this is if you make him that way. I would let him go just so it could be a learning experience. He needs to understand death, it will not kill him.  Let the boy grow up, this is how adults end up with issues about death, all because mommy wants to baby them.

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colins_mom
by Heather on Nov. 24, 2012 at 8:40 PM
Ds will be at school so i'm not worried about that. I'm just not going to pull him out for it. (its at 11am)

Quoting JulieBrown:

Could you stay at the house preparing for after the funeral? 

A friend of mine died and there were a few of us with small children.... we helped setup for the gathering at the family's house.  That way the children could be a part of the gathering, but not be too involved in the actual funeral. 



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kats0711
by on Nov. 24, 2012 at 8:41 PM
I didn't take my DD to the last family funeral for this reason. But they had a luncheon after the funeral and I did take her to that part. Will your family be doing anything like that? If so, just take her to the luncheon.
andersongirl562
by on Nov. 24, 2012 at 8:42 PM
I would and have taken my children to funerals at that age. However my children are not sheltered. Also it might be easier on your son to attend a funeral the first time when its not someone he was close to.
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colins_mom
by Heather on Nov. 24, 2012 at 8:44 PM
I honestly don't know. There will be somthing at the military cemetary (my uncle was in the air force) but after that I dont know.

Quoting kats0711:

I didn't take my DD to the last family funeral for this reason. But they had a luncheon after the funeral and I did take her to that part. Will your family be doing anything like that? If so, just take her to the luncheon.
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lovelove211
by Silver Member on Nov. 24, 2012 at 8:45 PM
I wouldn't take my child especially when they never even knew the person
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