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She wants me to take DS to the funeral *update*

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So my mom's uncle passed away on wednesday, his funeral is monday.

My ds is 6 and has never been to a funeral where there was a body, only ones with urns. (most of my family has wanted to be creamated) I don't want my ds there, he is too young and didn't know my uncle at all. I told my mother this.

My mother is now throwing a fit because she wants ds to meet her family. I understand her reasoning since my family gets together for 2 things, weddings and funerals. And since we never get invited to weddings funerals are pretty much it.

How would you handle this?

Update: the funeral was this morning and I didn't take DS. I barely knew him and DS didnt know him at all. he had military honors and it was outside for the most part. DS would have been complaining about being cold the whole time. it was also an emotinal mess when it came to my mom's cousins (understandable, they just lost their dad) DS wouldn't have been able to handle it. I know my child well enough to know that situations that have strong emotions involved affect him and not always in good ways. this would have been one of those situations. I would have taken him to the get together afterwards but I would have had to taken him out of school to do so and it was also at my uncles favorite resturant and I don't have the extra cash right now. 

thank you for all of your well wishes.

by on Nov. 24, 2012 at 8:19 PM
Replies (131-139):
by Silver Member on Nov. 26, 2012 at 2:39 PM

can you take him to the wake afterwards? that way he can be around the family and stuff but not have to be at the funeral itself. maybe she'll compromise with you and go with that.

by Heather on Nov. 26, 2012 at 2:40 PM

not my mothers brother, he was my mom's stepmoms brother. my mom didnt meet him until she was 14. my mom goes to funerals out of a sense of obligation. granted my mom has gotten close to her aunt but it has been years since they have talked. I didnt even meet them until i was 17 and we just happend to be living in the same apartment building as my moms cousin. they were visiting and saw me with my friend and thought that i was my mom.

Quoting Clairwil:

Quoting 1likeme:

I would say no and hang up if she started lecturing me about it. Your child your choice.

Bit harsh, considering she's just lost her brother.   If someone is in pain, the least you can do is try to be tactful when they are making unreasonable demands.

by on Nov. 26, 2012 at 2:42 PM

 Will the family all be together somewhere after the service?  Maybe you could visit then.

by Platinum Member on Nov. 26, 2012 at 2:44 PM

i would say - whoever wants to get to know my son is invited over - or we can go out to eat -  after the funeral -   if people want to get to know your son - that wont really happen during a funeral service.   tell them to take the time - maybe they are here from out of town - they would learn so much more about him if they stopped by your house and played with him and his toys for 30 mins....

by Silver Member on Nov. 26, 2012 at 2:46 PM

I think it would be ok if your DS knew the uncle, but since he didn't, I dont see the point in him going. I think he is plenty old enough to go, but there is no need for it if he didn't know  the person. He isn't going to know what to do.

by on Nov. 27, 2012 at 7:35 AM


by on Nov. 27, 2012 at 11:05 AM

U made the right decision

by Silver Member on Nov. 27, 2012 at 11:14 PM

I took my 3 year old son to his great-grandmother's funeral. He was a bit fussy and I took him into a side room, but he wasn't traumatized by it. When his great-grandfather passed away when he was 7, (who he barely knew) he didn't have a difficult time at all. It was up in the mountains and cold.

I'm sorry for your loss.

by on Nov. 28, 2012 at 2:13 PM

You did good.

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