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She wants me to take DS to the funeral *update*

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So my mom's uncle passed away on wednesday, his funeral is monday.

My ds is 6 and has never been to a funeral where there was a body, only ones with urns. (most of my family has wanted to be creamated) I don't want my ds there, he is too young and didn't know my uncle at all. I told my mother this.

My mother is now throwing a fit because she wants ds to meet her family. I understand her reasoning since my family gets together for 2 things, weddings and funerals. And since we never get invited to weddings funerals are pretty much it.

How would you handle this?


Update: the funeral was this morning and I didn't take DS. I barely knew him and DS didnt know him at all. he had military honors and it was outside for the most part. DS would have been complaining about being cold the whole time. it was also an emotinal mess when it came to my mom's cousins (understandable, they just lost their dad) DS wouldn't have been able to handle it. I know my child well enough to know that situations that have strong emotions involved affect him and not always in good ways. this would have been one of those situations. I would have taken him to the get together afterwards but I would have had to taken him out of school to do so and it was also at my uncles favorite resturant and I don't have the extra cash right now. 


thank you for all of your well wishes.

by on Nov. 24, 2012 at 8:19 PM
Replies (21-30):
strictmomhere
by Platinum Member on Nov. 24, 2012 at 8:46 PM
My girls went to my moms funeral they were little:(
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colins_mom
by Heather on Nov. 24, 2012 at 8:46 PM
Its not the first funeral, just the first with a casket. He didn't do well at the last one which is partly why I said no.

Quoting andersongirl562:

I would and have taken my children to funerals at that age. However my children are not sheltered. Also it might be easier on your son to attend a funeral the first time when its not someone he was close to.
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PestPatti
by on Nov. 24, 2012 at 8:47 PM

I dont know anyone who "likes" funerals..  That's a ridiculous thing to say..   

Quoting colins_mom:

I went to my first funeral at the age of 6, my grandfathers, and I hate funerals now. They upset me. That and he didnt know the man, hell I barely knew the man. He can.learn to accept death another way. I am not going to take him so that he doesnt see my mom and aunts upset.

Quoting strongerthanB4:

 We are raising a nation of big ass babies. The boy is 6, the reason he would be traumatized by this is if you make him that way. I would let him go just so it could be a learning experience. He needs to understand death, it will not kill him.  Let the boy grow up, this is how adults end up with issues about death, all because mommy wants to baby them.


andersongirl562
by on Nov. 24, 2012 at 8:48 PM
He's your DS only you can decide...I can only say that were it my child he would be going out of respect whether he knew my uncle or not. My children have also been. Taught to sit quietly and respectfully so I could have them sit in a chair in the back while I went up front if need be.

Quoting colins_mom:

Its not the first funeral, just the first with a casket. He didn't do well at the last one which is partly why I said no.



Quoting andersongirl562:

I would and have taken my children to funerals at that age. However my children are not sheltered. Also it might be easier on your son to attend a funeral the first time when its not someone he was close to.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
rory10
by Member on Nov. 24, 2012 at 8:50 PM
Family get together after the funeral? That's the only thing appropriate for a 6 year old. Ask everyone to meet up at a restaurant or something. If they don't want to go then it's their unwillingness and their loss.
mkh615
by on Nov. 24, 2012 at 8:51 PM

I'd just say no. When my DH's grandmother passed away 3 yrs ago, my MIL insisted on DD1 (who was 1.5 then) coming into the hospital room and seeing her DEAD great grandmother. I said no, there was just no reason to do that.

colins_mom
by Heather on Nov. 24, 2012 at 8:51 PM
I'm sorry you didn't like my wording. Do you prefer "funerals cause me horrible anxiety. So much so that I normally just sit outside the door"

Quoting PestPatti:

I dont know anyone who "likes" funerals..  That's a ridiculous thing to say..   

Quoting colins_mom:

I went to my first funeral at the age of 6, my grandfathers, and I hate funerals now. They upset me. That and he didnt know the man, hell I barely knew the man. He can.learn to accept death another way. I am not going to take him so that he doesnt see my mom and aunts upset.



Quoting strongerthanB4:

 We are raising a nation of big ass babies. The boy is 6, the reason he would be traumatized by this is if you make him that way. I would let him go just so it could be a learning experience. He needs to understand death, it will not kill him.  Let the boy grow up, this is how adults end up with issues about death, all because mommy wants to baby them.


Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
colins_mom
by Heather on Nov. 24, 2012 at 8:54 PM
It wasnt him not sitting and being quiet, he was, he was very upset and didnt understand what was going on. This was in july.

Quoting andersongirl562:

He's your DS only you can decide...I can only say that were it my child he would be going out of respect whether he knew my uncle or not. My children have also been. Taught to sit quietly and respectfully so I could have them sit in a chair in the back while I went up front if need be.



Quoting colins_mom:

Its not the first funeral, just the first with a casket. He didn't do well at the last one which is partly why I said no.





Quoting andersongirl562:

I would and have taken my children to funerals at that age. However my children are not sheltered. Also it might be easier on your son to attend a funeral the first time when its not someone he was close to.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
MsRkg
by Bronze Member on Nov. 24, 2012 at 8:56 PM

I would take him. 6 is more than old enough to understand and attend a funeral.  I don't understand this new notion of keeping children in a bubble and sheltered forever. If it's going to be that traumatic, then keep him in the back and away from the coffin, but as this is a family member , no matter how distant you should pay your respects. It's not like your mom is asking you to get up close and personal with the coffin and her uncle.

Mashnut3161
by on Nov. 24, 2012 at 9:11 PM

 Say NO. if they have a gathering after then go to that but not the funeral. My children have never been to one. My DH family members. Have all had closed caskets. and when my childrens great, great grandparents died, and they knew them, they still didnt go. so I understand ur concern

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