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She wants me to take DS to the funeral *update*

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So my mom's uncle passed away on wednesday, his funeral is monday.

My ds is 6 and has never been to a funeral where there was a body, only ones with urns. (most of my family has wanted to be creamated) I don't want my ds there, he is too young and didn't know my uncle at all. I told my mother this.

My mother is now throwing a fit because she wants ds to meet her family. I understand her reasoning since my family gets together for 2 things, weddings and funerals. And since we never get invited to weddings funerals are pretty much it.

How would you handle this?

Update: the funeral was this morning and I didn't take DS. I barely knew him and DS didnt know him at all. he had military honors and it was outside for the most part. DS would have been complaining about being cold the whole time. it was also an emotinal mess when it came to my mom's cousins (understandable, they just lost their dad) DS wouldn't have been able to handle it. I know my child well enough to know that situations that have strong emotions involved affect him and not always in good ways. this would have been one of those situations. I would have taken him to the get together afterwards but I would have had to taken him out of school to do so and it was also at my uncles favorite resturant and I don't have the extra cash right now. 

thank you for all of your well wishes.

by on Nov. 24, 2012 at 8:19 PM
Replies (31-40):
by on Nov. 24, 2012 at 9:19 PM
We took our kids to hubs grandpas funeral they where 2,4,5 12 and 10 but he was close to the kids and they had the choice to go or not well the older ones at least.
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by on Nov. 24, 2012 at 9:30 PM
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I wouldn't take him! It is not the time or place for your son to be meeting everyone. Shame on your mother for thinking like that!
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by Silver Member on Nov. 24, 2012 at 9:41 PM

My step dad's grandma died last spring, we drove from WA to MN to be there - My kids were 1,3, and5 yrs old, and they attended the memorial service and the funeral, and they walked with Grandpa (my step dad) up to the open casket to say goodbye at the memorial.  My older 2 had each met her a handful of times, and my youngest only once when she was 2 months old.  They knew the grown-ups were sad, they understood that Grandpa's mommy had gone to heaven, and they were a huge comfort to the friends and family who gathered to say their farewells.  It never would have crossed my mind to not bring them, honestly.  Death is a part of life, and saying goodbye and paying respect to our friends and family, even those we don't know well, is an important lesson to learn.

That said, you told your mom you weren't going to bring him, and she needs to respect that decision rather than pitch a fit about it.  But do try to see things from her perspective before being too hard on her - death isn't easy to deal with, and children bring a ray of joy and comfort to the situation. 

by on Nov. 24, 2012 at 9:51 PM
Well I truely don't see how a 6yr old is too young to know and understand death. Nobody likes death but at 6, well really 5 or 4 a child should understand and be able to deal with it. But if it was my DS I wouldn't take him unless he knew the dead person. Don't let your mother bully you into doing something you don't want to are the mother to your child, NOT her
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by on Nov. 24, 2012 at 10:22 PM

Its family.  

You go.  If you go, your son goes.  When my BIL passed away, we took the kids.  The youngest was five and they had NEVER been to any kind of funeral.

by on Nov. 24, 2012 at 10:24 PM
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My Dd was 2.5 when my dad died and saw him. But I guess everyone thinks differently when death is involved...
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by on Nov. 24, 2012 at 10:24 PM

 I probably wouldn't take my kids if it was someone they didn't know. If the family is getting together afterwards I would take them to that.

by Silver Member on Nov. 24, 2012 at 10:26 PM
I brought my young kids to the lunch they had afterwards.
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by Silver Member on Nov. 24, 2012 at 10:28 PM

Is there going to be a wake after the funeral? Maybe you can bring DS to that?

by Bronze Member on Nov. 24, 2012 at 10:34 PM
I remember kissing my grandmother in her casket. I was less than 10. I have a large family so there were a lot of funerals and I remember all us kids playing and having fun. I think having us there made things easier on the grieving adults. It was comforting to watch life going on as it should.
I, however, do not like going to funerals now because I'd rather grieve privately. My children have never been to one.
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