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I'm curious what you ladies think of this article

Posted by on Nov. 25, 2012 at 12:33 AM
  • 26 Replies

It's kind of long so I'm cutting to the chase a little bit:

reader's question

Dear Doc, 

I have been a student of "The System" for about six months now, and my romantic life has improved immeasurably. It has also taught me a great deal about where I've gone wrong in the past. Looking back on past failures, and looking forward in the hope of avoiding future failures, I have a question about one of your key concepts: Challenge.

I think I understand how to apply Challenge in the first sixty days and beyond that into the first four or five months of a relationship. (For the first sixty days, keep 'em guessing if you like them, then, keep them guessing about how much you like them). But what happens to Challenge once the man and woman both acknowledge the relationship as serious and long-term? What happens after the "I love you"s have been said? What happens after you get married or just move in together? 

There always comes a point, after we move in together, where I lose all concept of Challenge and things become predictable and stale, or I lose whatever sense of mystery I might have had. That's when her Interest Level starts to sink.

My question to you, Doc, is: what are some examples of how Challenge can be applied over a long-term relationship?

How do you remain mysterious or aloof when you're living under the same roof? How do you get her to continue chasing you, if you're waking up in the same bed together month after month? 

doc love's answer

Hi Willis, 

Let me help you out here. Even though you and a woman may be living together, either as lovers or as husband and wife, you need not "lose all concept of Challenge." It is certainly possible to maintain a sense of mystery and Challenge [allowing the woman to chase you] over the long haul. 

are you a sailor or a captain?

All serious students of "The System" know that you, the man, should never be the first to say, "I love you." And it's best that once your honey whispers those three lovely words to you, you do not immediately reciprocate. You can't be a Pavlovian dog who automatically responds to stimulus. Anyway, it's unnatural for a man to say such things.

silence is key

The point I'm getting at is that one of the most powerful ways to maintain a sense of Challenge in your long-term relationship is to say "I love you" only occasionally. If you start overusing those words, or any other form of "love-speak," it will lose its meaning and she'll think she's on your highest pedestal. The best way to let a woman know that you love her is through your actions, not your words. Your physical presence tells her that you are committed while your silence keeps up the Challenge factor -- silence is golden after all. 

If you have a good woman who truly loves you, she will tell you that she loves you often. Let her do it. You can smile and grunt with delight and hug her and hold her when she does, but it's best that you don't say anything. Even though she may complain that you don't say "I love you" back, in the grand scheme of things, she'll be happier because her romantic Interest Level [degree of love] in you will stay much higher than if you were dutifully parroting those words back to her whenever she said them to you

make a large deposit

Now I know what you're thinking: Women don't let up. What the hell do you do when your gal really puts on the pressure because she hasn't heard the "L" word from you in months? Well, here's a tip. Try this. Say, "All right, sweetheart, I'm going to make a big deposit in your love bank right now that should last for months and months." Then playfully say, "I love you I love you I love you I love you..." a total of thirty times or so. 

Or you can say, with a twinkle in your eye, "Honey, didn't you marry me because you knew I was the strong, silent type? You wouldn't want me to change now just to get your approval, would you? How could you respect me if I did?" When the going gets tough, diffuse the situation with ambiguity and humor. You can do it! 

If you employ this romantic strategy while continuing to give your mate plenty of affection, her Interest Level will remain high and she'll never leave you.

Remember, guys, in a long-term relationship, keep your heart open and your mouth shut. 

It's from

by on Nov. 25, 2012 at 12:33 AM
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Replies (1-10):
by on Nov. 25, 2012 at 1:14 AM

My first thought is "WTF", I certainly don't agree with it. I like being told I am loved and am glad my husband says it often but while I don't agree with this article I do acknowledge that this style of love just might work for some people and if it does than who am I to say its wrongs

by Bronze Member on Nov. 25, 2012 at 1:16 AM
I don't think anyone should be using a "formula" in a relationship.
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by on Nov. 25, 2012 at 1:18 AM
So basically the gist I get is that men should say "I love you" only occasionally, but only a good woman says it frequently? Bullshit.
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by Ruby Member on Nov. 25, 2012 at 1:26 AM
That was my first thought too.

Quoting Peaceful.chaos:

I don't think anyone should be using a "formula" in a relationship.
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by on Nov. 25, 2012 at 1:29 AM
BumP for later
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by on Nov. 25, 2012 at 2:01 AM

Sounds like some sort of creepy brain washing thingy to me. "The System"? "The Challenge"?


by on Nov. 25, 2012 at 2:04 AM


This is as bullshit as the sex and romance advice in Cosmo.

by on Nov. 25, 2012 at 7:44 AM
1 mom liked this
That is not a romantic strategy. It's a way to build a wall of resentment from a woman who isn't getting her emotional needs met.
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by Ruby Member on Nov. 25, 2012 at 8:37 AM

 i was laughing too hard to think about it

by Desiree` on Nov. 25, 2012 at 8:41 AM

 I like it!

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