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I Feel Like Such a Loser

Posted by on Nov. 25, 2012 at 6:22 PM
  • 26 Replies

I have to vent. I feel like such a loser. My mother-in-law is in liver failure and I feel like I am failing her.

Six months ago I agreed to be a living donor and give her half my liver. But I was 290 lbs and that is called morbidly obese and you can't give at that weight. So I have been losing weight steadily. I am at 210 as of this morning.

But she is so pale right now and she is skin and bones. I can see even vein and bone and it is just so wrong. I hate it. I hate that I was so fat that I am a risk to my mama. She is so important to me. I have to get to 155 lbs before they will even consider transplanting.

Why the hell did I do this to my family? I swear to everything that is holy I sat on the sofa and ate Hostess for years on end. I was a pig. Now it is biting me on the a*# in the worse way. I just want this to be over. I want them to find an organ and not to be the only thing standing in her way of a decent life. I feel like such a loser.

by on Nov. 25, 2012 at 6:22 PM
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Replies (1-10):
MommyFlood
by on Nov. 25, 2012 at 6:24 PM
*hugs* mama. It's ok.
You're doing what you can. May I ask what your BMI is? I was going to donate my kidney to my mom and the transplant team allowed you to have a BMI of 20% I *think*.
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mom_dl6
by Platinum Member on Nov. 25, 2012 at 6:28 PM

Yeah sometimes we can't see the forrest for the trees and our own selfishness..... Just do your best and realize you are the one in charge of you and what happens with you, So if you stay strong stand tall and fight i know you can Win and help your Mother.......God bless and Good Luck !

Prayers for you both hugging

MommyFlood
by on Nov. 25, 2012 at 6:32 PM
Maybe it was 23-25%

Quoting MommyFlood:

*hugs* mama. It's ok.

You're doing what you can. May I ask what your BMI is? I was going to donate my kidney to my mom and the transplant team allowed you to have a BMI of 20% I *think*.
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strictmomhere
by Platinum Member on Nov. 25, 2012 at 6:32 PM
Your doing your best you have lost alot hugs
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black.eyeliner
by on Nov. 25, 2012 at 6:34 PM

My BMI is now 40 and needs to be 30 for them to begin testing me. 155 lbs for a woman that is 5'0 is dead on. They would prefer for me to keep losing weight though because I will still be obese at that point.

Quoting MommyFlood:

*hugs* mama. It's ok.
You're doing what you can. May I ask what your BMI is? I was going to donate my kidney to my mom and the transplant team allowed you to have a BMI of 20% I *think*.

 

Mrs.Winchester
by on Nov. 25, 2012 at 6:35 PM

I'm sure your mama is thankful that she even has a great daughter like you that could help her.  Personally, I would not be donating any organs even to a family member,  except maybe my child.  Your mother is lucky to have you and I'm sure she knows that.

Grumpylilpixy
by on Nov. 25, 2012 at 6:35 PM
Talk to your Dr about Phentermine. Good luck mama.
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sexysiren1983
by on Nov. 25, 2012 at 6:37 PM

Firsat off, I have to say I admire your altruism. And your relationship with your mother-in-law must be great if you're willing to donate part of your lvier to her...not sure I could say the same lol.

Seriously, though, all those years eating twinkies, nobody stops and thinks "hmmm maybe I should stop bc somebody i love might need a liver transplant?" Nobody thinkks that in the midst of things. Whatever your reasons for over-eating, it's good you stopped not only for others but most of all yourself, think of what you were doing to your own body. There's no reason for self-blame or self-guilt. It is not your fault your mil has liver failure, and your are doing what you can. Not everybody would even think of doanting their oragsn to even their real mother, elt alone mother-in-law. She is lucky to have you for her daughter-in-law.

tairakittie
by Platinum Member on Nov. 25, 2012 at 6:37 PM
Oh my, this is NOT your fault, you are so not a loser. :( Just keep trying, keep pushing and keep hoping!! I hooe they find an organ soon or she holds out until you can lose enough weight. I'd see if they wont just go ahead and take it once your reach 200, if youre okay with going through with the surgery, the doctors should be too. I understand WHY they want to wait until you lose weight but there just isnt enough time and hopefully they see you are healthy enough, even iverweight, to go through with the surgery now.
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black.eyeliner
by on Nov. 25, 2012 at 6:40 PM

I completely get that. I would not donate to my own father because I know he would never take care of the new organ for it to survive. Transplanting to him would be pointless. But my mil is different. She doesn't drink or smoke, goes to the doctor every week, always was good with her doctors and her medications, she will take the intense drugs to stay alive, and she will not abandon me after all of this. Plus my mil is a hero. She was a femine rights activist back in the day and she fought to save women's lives and change the way that we were examined, birth control, and she fought for a woman's choice in KEEPING a high risk pregnancy after doctors tried to force an abortion on her. She is the reason Dan is here today to love me so much. She is the only person outside of Dan and the kids I would give to. 

Quoting Mrs.Winchester:

I'm sure your mama is thankful that she even has a great daughter like you that could help her.  Personally, I would not be donating any organs even to a family member,  except maybe my child.  Your mother is lucky to have you and I'm sure she knows that.

 

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