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I have to vent. I feel like such a loser. My mother-in-law is in liver failure and I feel like I am failing her.

Six months ago I agreed to be a living donor and give her half my liver. But I was 290 lbs and that is called morbidly obese and you can't give at that weight. So I have been losing weight steadily. I am at 210 as of this morning.

But she is so pale right now and she is skin and bones. I can see even vein and bone and it is just so wrong. I hate it. I hate that I was so fat that I am a risk to my mama. She is so important to me. I have to get to 155 lbs before they will even consider transplanting.

Why the hell did I do this to my family? I swear to everything that is holy I sat on the sofa and ate Hostess for years on end. I was a pig. Now it is biting me on the a*# in the worse way. I just want this to be over. I want them to find an organ and not to be the only thing standing in her way of a decent life. I feel like such a loser.

by on Nov. 25, 2012 at 6:22 PM
Replies (11-20):
black.eyeliner
by on Nov. 25, 2012 at 6:43 PM

Actually 155 is not the ideal weight ... 140 is. If they operate before then there is a huge likelyhood that my own liver will not regenerate because of a fat deposit. It can not grow through one of those. And the part I give is likely to fail as well. I have to be 155. They don't want to have to add me to the transplant list when my organ fails as well. It sucks horribly. 

Quoting tairakittie:

Oh my, this is NOT your fault, you are so not a loser. :( Just keep trying, keep pushing and keep hoping!! I hooe they find an organ soon or she holds out until you can lose enough weight. I'd see if they wont just go ahead and take it once your reach 200, if youre okay with going through with the surgery, the doctors should be too. I understand WHY they want to wait until you lose weight but there just isnt enough time and hopefully they see you are healthy enough, even iverweight, to go through with the surgery now.

 

Mrs.Winchester
by on Nov. 25, 2012 at 6:46 PM

Taking amphetamines isn't going to speed up your weight loss any quicker than your already successful diet and exercise plan.  Also,  using them could inhibit your ability to donate your organs later on.

Quoting Grumpylilpixy:

Talk to your Dr about Phentermine. Good luck mama.


Grumpylilpixy
by on Nov. 25, 2012 at 6:50 PM
Really. I lost 90 lbs in 3 months. But you were saying? And my blood was taking after wards and was healthy. I'm still healthy 15 years later. So you were saying?lmao

Quoting Mrs.Winchester:

Taking amphetamines isn't going to speed up your weight loss any quicker than your already successful diet and exercise plan.  Also,  using them could inhibit your ability to donate your organs later on.

Quoting Grumpylilpixy:

Talk to your Dr about Phentermine. Good luck mama.


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black.eyeliner
by on Nov. 25, 2012 at 6:51 PM
1 mom liked this

Actually I have my appetite under control now. I eat very well. It is just getting the current fat off that is the hard part. 

Quoting Grumpylilpixy:

Talk to your Dr about Phentermine. Good luck mama.

 

black.eyeliner
by on Nov. 25, 2012 at 6:54 PM
1 mom liked this

Oh and my doctor is worried about putting anything through my liver. I can not put any stress on the organ. I actually had to change my vitamins to a different brand under the transplant teams advice. They said avoid diet pills, drink tons of water and nothing else, and try to go vegetarian six days a week.

Quoting Grumpylilpixy:

Really. I lost 90 lbs in 3 months. But you were saying? And my blood was taking after wards and was healthy. I'm still healthy 15 years later. So you were saying?lmao

Quoting Mrs.Winchester:

Taking amphetamines isn't going to speed up your weight loss any quicker than your already successful diet and exercise plan.  Also,  using them could inhibit your ability to donate your organs later on.

Quoting Grumpylilpixy:

Talk to your Dr about Phentermine. Good luck mama.


 

sucker4myloves
by on Nov. 25, 2012 at 6:55 PM

Awe, honey. What were you supposed to think? "This twinkie is good, I hope nobody needs one of my organs anytime soon." This is NOT YOUR FAULT. You have FAILED NOBODY. All you can do now is continue to lose weight. And if you're unable to give her part of your liver, that is all there is to it. But don't stop losing weight. Become healthy for you, for your family, and for anything the future might bring. I applaud you. I can't lose weight, I have no drive. You're doing an amazing job.

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silverdawn99
by Jamie on Nov. 25, 2012 at 6:56 PM

how is it your fault?

yes you did eat the sweets but you didnt make her go into liver failure

dont be so hard on yourself

tairakittie
by Platinum Member on Nov. 25, 2012 at 6:56 PM
Im so sorry. :( I hate that our way of life allows us to get so unhealthy. I didnt get serious about my health until 3 years ago, im now healthier than ive ever been but it took a while to get here. Im 5'0 but my highest weight was only 150, it took me a whopping 3 years to lose 40lbs. You are an amazing person for at least attempting to save her, just keep trying, at least you know you will be the healthiest you can be for you and your child(ren).

Quoting black.eyeliner:

Actually 155 is not the ideal weight ... 140 is. If they operate before then there is a huge likelyhood that my own liver will not regenerate because of a fat deposit. It can not grow through one of those. And the part I give is likely to fail as well. I have to be 155. They don't want to have to add me to the transplant list when my organ fails as well. It sucks horribly. 


Quoting tairakittie:

Oh my, this is NOT your fault, you are so not a loser. :( Just keep trying, keep pushing and keep hoping!! I hooe they find an organ soon or she holds out until you can lose enough weight. I'd see if they wont just go ahead and take it once your reach 200, if youre okay with going through with the surgery, the doctors should be too. I understand WHY they want to wait until you lose weight but there just isnt enough time and hopefully they see you are healthy enough, even iverweight, to go through with the surgery now.

 

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tairakittie
by Platinum Member on Nov. 25, 2012 at 6:56 PM
Im so sorry. :( I hate that our way of life allows us to get so unhealthy. I didnt get serious about my health until 3 years ago, im now healthier than ive ever been but it took a while to get here. Im 5'0 but my highest weight was only 150, it took me a whopping 3 years to lose 40lbs. You are an amazing person for at least attempting to save her, just keep trying, at least you know you will be the healthiest you can be for you and your child(ren).

Quoting black.eyeliner:

Actually 155 is not the ideal weight ... 140 is. If they operate before then there is a huge likelyhood that my own liver will not regenerate because of a fat deposit. It can not grow through one of those. And the part I give is likely to fail as well. I have to be 155. They don't want to have to add me to the transplant list when my organ fails as well. It sucks horribly. 


Quoting tairakittie:

Oh my, this is NOT your fault, you are so not a loser. :( Just keep trying, keep pushing and keep hoping!! I hooe they find an organ soon or she holds out until you can lose enough weight. I'd see if they wont just go ahead and take it once your reach 200, if youre okay with going through with the surgery, the doctors should be too. I understand WHY they want to wait until you lose weight but there just isnt enough time and hopefully they see you are healthy enough, even iverweight, to go through with the surgery now.

 

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mommy_2_be_2010
by Platinum Member on Nov. 25, 2012 at 6:58 PM
The liver is the only organ to regenerate itself that said best of luck op and you can do it we're all rooting for you
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