I have to vent. I feel like such a loser. My mother-in-law is in liver failure and I feel like I am failing her.
Six months ago I agreed to be a living donor and give her half my liver. But I was 290 lbs and that is called morbidly obese and you can't give at that weight. So I have been losing weight steadily. I am at 210 as of this morning.
But she is so pale right now and she is skin and bones. I can see even vein and bone and it is just so wrong. I hate it. I hate that I was so fat that I am a risk to my mama. She is so important to me. I have to get to 155 lbs before they will even consider transplanting.
Why the hell did I do this to my family? I swear to everything that is holy I sat on the sofa and ate Hostess for years on end. I was a pig. Now it is biting me on the a*# in the worse way. I just want this to be over. I want them to find an organ and not to be the only thing standing in her way of a decent life. I feel like such a loser.