A little background...Me and DH have been together for 3 years and 10 months. His daughter is 4 years old. We started dating when she was only 5 months old. The mother stopped taking care of her and only saw her a couple days a month. So by the time that SD was 10 months old, DH and I were her primary caretakers. When DH worked, I was the one with SD. Well now SD is 4 and her mother has just recently (in september) began taking her as she is supposed to by the custody agreement.
We have always had a little bit of a problem with SD's attitude, but recently it has been awful. She is becoming very rude and very mean. Last week, she was just screaming and telling me I do nothing for her and that I dont care about her??!!!??! After she calmed down, I was asking her where in the world that this came from and where did she learn to speak to me that way. She told me that her mother told her to be mean to me and to try to hurt me and that she isnt allowed to love me.
I explained to SD that I am not her mother and I would never try to replace her mother so she shouldnt be angry at me. I also told her that she is allowed to love both of us and that she shouldnt hurt anyone. We didnt have any problems the rest of that week. But the next time she came home, same thing happened. DH has talked to SD and told her that she knows better and that I love her and my feelings have been hurt. The mother is one of those people that if she knew she was hurting my feelings and if DH tried to talk to her to stop, then she would do it even more. Everytime DH talks to her about something, she does the opposite.
But what I'm trying to ask is: how do we handle this? Should we try therapy for her? Should she be in trouble for being mean if she is being told to do it? We are so confused and hurt. Please help me.