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It has been almost 2 weeks sence the kids and I have moved out of my EX's place and he has not attempted to see the kids or even asked to see the kids. He will send a text to my son but thats about it. I see the pain in there eyes when they realize that their father walked out of their lives.I do my best to help them through this and hope that one day i can make the pain go away but i know i cant. Neither one of my kids will listen to me i will spank their butts put them in time out and nothing helps. Even my parents have been trying and still nothing. They have so much anger towards me and i'm not the one that broke up this family he is. I told me son that i wish his dad would see him but he wont return my text or calls because he is mad at me for something i had nothing to do with. Sometimes i wonder if maybe i put them up for adoption and they got put in to a two parent home they would be better off. But then just thinking that makes me feel like a horrible mom. I love my kids more than anything in the world and they are all i have left in the world. But the anger i feel from them and the hatred i feel breaks my heart and makes me cry. I dont know what to do anymore. I'm pretty much at my witts end right now. Any advice??

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by on Nov. 29, 2012 at 9:42 PM
Replies (31-40):
ccnstanczak
by Save Humanity! on Nov. 30, 2012 at 4:29 PM

 dont give them details. thats grown up stuff. just be there. they act out cause they dont know what elese to do. tell them that you and their daddy love them and you and daddy are doing what grownups have to do and thats for the grown ups have to worry about.and all your kids need to do is love you and daddy back. tell them you will always be there for them and things will get better. tell them you wont let anything bad ever happen to them and that even tho daddy cant be here, things will be ok and that they will get to see him soon. just be patient and things will work out.

and you. let it go. if your ex dosnt call he dosnt call. dont go chasing him or being mad about it. thats your exs job and if he dosnt do it shame on him but dont do the dance. just let it go. its over and time to heal. time to figure out what you are going to do, with him or without him. take the high road. be mature and civil and solid.  let things calm down and be positive and strong.

pamelax3
by on Nov. 30, 2012 at 4:30 PM

Just give the kids time, they will heel.. Right now you are their safe spot they can be angry at you and they know that no matter what you will  not leave them.

monshine2
by Bronze Member on Nov. 30, 2012 at 4:33 PM


Quoting connie45:

All of you truly would benefit from counseling.

This. Adoption would only hurt you all and make the situation worse. Not to mention you can't just decide to put your kids up for adoption w/o dad signing as well.  Get some help

notjstasocermom
by Samantha on Nov. 30, 2012 at 4:42 PM

the kids and you need counseling to deal with this.

jenking04
by Silver Member on Nov. 30, 2012 at 5:28 PM


Quoting ccnstanczak:

 dont give them details. thats grown up stuff. just be there. they act out cause they dont know what elese to do. tell them that you and their daddy love them and you and daddy are doing what grownups have to do and thats for the grown ups have to worry about.and all your kids need to do is love you and daddy back. tell them you will always be there for them and things will get better. tell them you wont let anything bad ever happen to them and that even tho daddy cant be here, things will be ok and that they will get to see him soon. just be patient and things will work out.

and you. let it go. if your ex dosnt call he dosnt call. dont go chasing him or being mad about it. thats your exs job and if he dosnt do it shame on him but dont do the dance. just let it go. its over and time to heal. time to figure out what you are going to do, with him or without him. take the high road. be mature and civil and solid.  let things calm down and be positive and strong.

I dont contact my EX at all i'm over him and his immature games. Infact when he broke up with me it felt like a 100lbs weight was lifted off of my shoulder. I didnt have to worry about him cheating on me anymore or lieing to me. I didnt have to feel insecure anymore. Infact i havent been happier sence we ended things. There are days that i see the pain in my kids eyes and i wish i could work things out with him so they wouldnt be hurting anymore but right now i am happier than i have been in a long time.

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jenking04
by Silver Member on Nov. 30, 2012 at 5:32 PM


Quoting monshine2:


Quoting connie45:

All of you truly would benefit from counseling.

This. Adoption would only hurt you all and make the situation worse. Not to mention you can't just decide to put your kids up for adoption w/o dad signing as well.  Get some help

Thats the thing if i asked him he would willenly sign over his rights to the kids because it would mean he wouldnt have to pay CS. He never wanted kids so it was easy for him to leave them. He has 2 other kids he pays CS for but he hasnt seen or talked to them in atleast 10 years if not longer

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SnapIt
by Movin' on up on Nov. 30, 2012 at 5:36 PM
You need to start talking to them about good stuff and keep them occupied
Very occupied
It helps
Take them to friends and family
And dont mope around or cry in front of them or talk to anyone about it in front of them
Your actions has a lot to do with how they react
And sometimes you dont realize it
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
jenking04
by Silver Member on Nov. 30, 2012 at 5:42 PM


Quoting SnapIt:

You need to start talking to them about good stuff and keep them occupied
Very occupied
It helps
Take them to friends and family
And dont mope around or cry in front of them or talk to anyone about it in front of them
Your actions has a lot to do with how they react
And sometimes you dont realize it


Right now we are living whmy pars untill we ove next weekend. i dont mope arod or cr i front of te kids cuse i am over my EX and his immature games and his lieing and cheating.

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ccnstanczak
by Save Humanity! on Nov. 30, 2012 at 7:34 PM

 i apolgise.

im going through a separation and divorce myslef. so perhaps i was displacing my feelings when i read your post. its been an emotional week for me and the girls.

last night i had to tell my oldest dd that her daddy and i werent going to live together anymore and it just broke a peice of my heart doing so. i feel ok about it but seeing my dd get upset got to me.

so good to see your got a good attitude about it. its refresing actually here on cm. my dad always told me to always take the highroad... and it does work. i dont really have any other advice tho but know that you are not alone and that at the end of the day, just remind yourself thatyou are doing the best you can with what you got and that tomorow is a new day and a fresh start.

dont worry about your kids being mad at you. but just be patient cause what that really means is that they know you love them and will always be there for them even if they are mad at you.You are not going anywhere and theyll see that and you all are going to be ok. hugs. you just got to get through it to get to the end.

 

Quoting jenking04:

 

Quoting ccnstanczak:

 dont give them details. thats grown up stuff. just be there. they act out cause they dont know what elese to do. tell them that you and their daddy love them and you and daddy are doing what grownups have to do and thats for the grown ups have to worry about.and all your kids need to do is love you and daddy back. tell them you will always be there for them and things will get better. tell them you wont let anything bad ever happen to them and that even tho daddy cant be here, things will be ok and that they will get to see him soon. just be patient and things will work out.

and you. let it go. if your ex dosnt call he dosnt call. dont go chasing him or being mad about it. thats your exs job and if he dosnt do it shame on him but dont do the dance. just let it go. its over and time to heal. time to figure out what you are going to do, with him or without him. take the high road. be mature and civil and solid.  let things calm down and be positive and strong.

I dont contact my EX at all i'm over him and his immature games. Infact when he broke up with me it felt like a 100lbs weight was lifted off of my shoulder. I didnt have to worry about him cheating on me anymore or lieing to me. I didnt have to feel insecure anymore. Infact i havent been happier sence we ended things. There are days that i see the pain in my kids eyes and i wish i could work things out with him so they wouldnt be hurting anymore but right now i am happier than i have been in a long time.

 

jenking04
by Silver Member on Nov. 30, 2012 at 7:53 PM


Quoting ccnstanczak:

 i apolgise.

im going through a separation and divorce myslef. so perhaps i was displacing my feelings when i read your post. its been an emotional week for me and the girls.

last night i had to tell my oldest dd that her daddy and i werent going to live together anymore and it just broke a peice of my heart doing so. i feel ok about it but seeing my dd get upset got to me.

so good to see your got a good attitude about it. its refresing actually here on cm. my dad always told me to always take the highroad... and it does work. i dont really have any other advice tho but know that you are not alone and that at the end of the day, just remind yourself thatyou are doing the best you can with what you got and that tomorow is a new day and a fresh start.

dont worry about your kids being mad at you. but just be patient cause what that really means is that they know you love them and will always be there for them even if they are mad at you.You are not going anywhere and theyll see that and you all are going to be ok. hugs. you just got to get through it to get to the end.

 

Quoting jenking04:

 

Quoting ccnstanczak:

 dont give them details. thats grown up stuff. just be there. they act out cause they dont know what elese to do. tell them that you and their daddy love them and you and daddy are doing what grownups have to do and thats for the grown ups have to worry about.and all your kids need to do is love you and daddy back. tell them you will always be there for them and things will get better. tell them you wont let anything bad ever happen to them and that even tho daddy cant be here, things will be ok and that they will get to see him soon. just be patient and things will work out.

and you. let it go. if your ex dosnt call he dosnt call. dont go chasing him or being mad about it. thats your exs job and if he dosnt do it shame on him but dont do the dance. just let it go. its over and time to heal. time to figure out what you are going to do, with him or without him. take the high road. be mature and civil and solid.  let things calm down and be positive and strong.

I dont contact my EX at all i'm over him and his immature games. Infact when he broke up with me it felt like a 100lbs weight was lifted off of my shoulder. I didnt have to worry about him cheating on me anymore or lieing to me. I didnt have to feel insecure anymore. Infact i havent been happier sence we ended things. There are days that i see the pain in my kids eyes and i wish i could work things out with him so they wouldnt be hurting anymore but right now i am happier than i have been in a long time.

 

Its hard when you go through a divorce or seperataion. But this is the 3rd time i have been through it with this guy. I'm just so over it and ready to start this knew chapter in our lives and maybe one day find someone who will love me for me and love my kids as their own.

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