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I can't stand my mom. She just doesn't get anything anymore. She lives in a different state. She wants us to come visit but she doesn't understand how much it cost to travel now a days. She thinks just because we have more money than her we should be able to come just becuase she wants us to. ( my hubby works hard and dose lots of over time and we still live paycheck to paycheck most of the time and are finally starting to build a ok savings. She lives off child support and food stamps and in income based housing. So she doesn't even under stand the cost of living anymore either.) she feels as if I am keeping the kids from her. Which I'm not. If we where going other places then I could u dyer stand her saying that. But we have never gone on a vacation to anywhere. We didn't even go on a honeymoon. She is mad at me and always starts a fight when she calls. I don't even want to answer the phone anymore. She think that I should have come up a few months ago becuase my mamas died and left me $1000. But instead of spending it all at once I used it for getting the kids thier winter clothes paying bills and buying food. But when she got her half of her exes tax return she did not want to save any of it she wanted to spend it all at once. I just don't know what to do anymore.

toddler girl                         toddler boy

         Sarah                                           Luciano

      (10-16-06)                                  (11-27-08)

by on Nov. 30, 2012 at 12:46 PM
Replies (21-30):
Rlmama00
by Bronze Member on Nov. 30, 2012 at 11:19 PM

I deal with this sort of thing with my mom too. We first moved a few states away but we were able to drive to each other and she got used to it. We recently moved again, across the country, and she acts like I've done some horrible thing by being an adult with my own life. My husband is working his way up the ladder of his career and she acts like we are just concerned with money. She is angry that we aren't coming home this Christmas but doesn't seem to understand that it's super expensive for us to visit in comparison to my parents coming here. We'd have to get a hotel and have more people to worry about plane tickets for. My parents can stay with us as long as they want, no hotel needed. We made sure to find a home with a separate guest room with their own bathroom too, just to make their visits more comfortable. We even offered to help pay for plane tickets for them. She doesn't want to fly. I get the guilt trip every time we talk. My in laws FaceTime with the kids a few times a week. My parents only do it when we call them. She even refuses to buy gifts online and have them shipped here because she wants to wrap them herself. She's stubborn, and says awful things to me just because we wanted more in life then we were getting back home. I wish she could just see that we are creating a great life for our kids for their childhood and beyond. I do love her, but she has made things very toxic between us. Her attitude has a lot to do with why we were willing to take the leap and move away.

Mabuka
by on Nov. 30, 2012 at 11:30 PM
Well when you do answer the phone, don't be afraid to interrupt her. Sounds like she's harrassing you and that's unacceptable.

Quoting ambermario4ever:



Quoting Mabuka:

Tell her you can't go. Tell her why. Then tell her that it's no longer up for discussion. If she keeps flapping her lips about it, say, "Sorry, there's nothing I can do. Gotta go." And hang up. I despise my mom; hate her with every fiber of my being. I'd say ditch her entirely but you seem opposed to that idea. You can still keep in touch with your little brother without dealing with your mother.

I did. I told her we can't come and why but she just keep on going. She doesn't care she only thinks of herself. I don't answer the phone most of the time when she calls cause I know she will most Likly start something. 

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Due9
by on Nov. 30, 2012 at 11:45 PM

Can you drive to see her or have to fly? Why can't she visit you? Tell her how you feel and leave it at that.

ambermario4ever
by Gold Member on Nov. 30, 2012 at 11:47 PM


Quoting connie45:

Can you imagine "vacationing " in Section 8 housing?

No way.

Yeah. I had friend that grew up thier so I know what they are like but I don't want to stay there with my two young kids. And a good hotel is $100 a night.

toddler girl                         toddler boy

         Sarah                                           Luciano

      (10-16-06)                                  (11-27-08)

ambermario4ever
by Gold Member on Nov. 30, 2012 at 11:51 PM


Quoting Rlmama00:

I deal with this sort of thing with my mom too. We first moved a few states away but we were able to drive to each other and she got used to it. We recently moved again, across the country, and she acts like I've done some horrible thing by being an adult with my own life. My husband is working his way up the ladder of his career and she acts like we are just concerned with money. She is angry that we aren't coming home this Christmas but doesn't seem to understand that it's super expensive for us to visit in comparison to my parents coming here. We'd have to get a hotel and have more people to worry about plane tickets for. My parents can stay with us as long as they want, no hotel needed. We made sure to find a home with a separate guest room with their own bathroom too, just to make their visits more comfortable. We even offered to help pay for plane tickets for them. She doesn't want to fly. I get the guilt trip every time we talk. My in laws FaceTime with the kids a few times a week. My parents only do it when we call them. She even refuses to buy gifts online and have them shipped here because she wants to wrap them herself. She's stubborn, and says awful things to me just because we wanted more in life then we were getting back home. I wish she could just see that we are creating a great life for our kids for their childhood and beyond. I do love her, but she has made things very toxic between us. Her attitude has a lot to do with why we were willing to take the leap and move away.

Same here. My mom wanted me to live at home with her after high school get a job and give her the money. As soon as I could I left. She's mad because we have only spent one holiday with her since we got married. And she hasent seen the kids in years. But I can't help that we can't afford to go up there or that she has no money. She just doesn't get it and she never will.

toddler girl                         toddler boy

         Sarah                                           Luciano

      (10-16-06)                                  (11-27-08)

redneckmama2
by Silver Member on Nov. 30, 2012 at 11:53 PM
1 mom liked this

I deal with this a lot from my family too. Everyone else (except mom) has one or no kids and I have 3 and am pregnant with number 4. Hubby is army, two kids are in school, and it is damn expensive to travel and yet we are always the ones to do it. I get the fact that ALL 5 of my siblings and my mom live in one city, and we are the ones that moved so far away, but honestly it would be cheaper on each of them to do the travelling instead of expecting me to do it all the time!

ambermario4ever
by Gold Member on Nov. 30, 2012 at 11:54 PM


Quoting Due9:

Can you drive to see her or have to fly? Why can't she visit you? Tell her how you feel and leave it at that.

I don't ave to fly we have a car but I can't afford to do either. A plane would cost more and gas for the car round trip and for while there would cost $500. She can't visit becuase the only income she has is child support. She also refuses to fly cause she comet like it. No trains come here and she says she can't ride a bus for that long. I have told her but she don't care. She will bring it up every time she calls.

toddler girl                         toddler boy

         Sarah                                           Luciano

      (10-16-06)                                  (11-27-08)

gammie
by on Dec. 1, 2012 at 12:54 AM
I go visit my daughter and Grandkids, your mother needs to understand how you feel, tell her to stop or you will not pick up the phone ! If she really wanted to see you see would do whatever she needs to do
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
ambermario4ever
by Gold Member on Dec. 1, 2012 at 9:43 AM


Quoting gammie:

I go visit my daughter and Grandkids, your mother needs to understand how you feel, tell her to stop or you will not pick up the phone ! If she really wanted to see you see would do whatever she needs to do

She knows that ever time after she starts something that I won't answer the phone for a while. She called yesterday and I didn't answer. She left a voicemail complaing again that we need to come visit. You think she would do whatever to come see us but she won't. She is a selfish and lazy person. She hasent done for herself since my father died 24 years ago. She hasent worked or anything. She lived off my ss and her second husbands income till they got divorced. Then she lived off my ss and chill support till I turned 18. Now she is living off my brother child support. When he turns 18 she's screwed. She won't even try to take care of herself. I told her the other night that she needed to fiqure something out and make plan for how she will live when he turns 18 and she has no more money. She told me I was rude and disrespectful and that didn't care about her because I said that.

toddler girl                         toddler boy

         Sarah                                           Luciano

      (10-16-06)                                  (11-27-08)

ambermario4ever
by Gold Member on Dec. 1, 2012 at 10:16 AM

BUMP!

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