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I'm a stepmom who believes in a Santa Free home!

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Okay, so I can't respond to everyone so I'm just going to update here:

1.  Some of you hate me JUST because I'm a stepparent. Others of you hate  me just because I don't want Santa in my home.  Neither of these are good reasons to hate a person. I'm sorry if you've had, or had experiences with, horrible stepparents.  I am not one of these. I am a kind, loving, warm person who tries very hard not only to get along with Biomom, but to help the kids have a relationship with her.  Also, I had no idea Santa was such a volitile topic. No, I don't think I'll ever believe its right for my family but I had no idea that so many people out there think it's as important as breathing!  I've been educated.

2. I do not, in any way, believe that Santa is a necessary part of childhood. And, furthermore, I don't think that my kids are hurting in any way without having Santa. For right now, we just avoid the subject. I don't confirm nor deny the man's existance. Yes, he happened a long time ago. No, he isn't happening now. And I'm not going to tell them he is. My husband is a devout Christian, and I'm not. But, as he is... we prefer to teach Jesus as the reaosn for the season, and not Santa. This is DH's right as a parent, and my responsibilty to support him in as a stepparent. And yes, we teach the kids that we can't buy them gifts without going to work for the money. They understand that our working to provide for them is an expression of love. Maybe you don't agree with this, but my husband and I do.

3. Everyone here just assumes that Biomom wants them to have Santa and I'm a bitch for taking that away from them because it undermines here.  First of all, yes I do think she may reference Santa from time to time, but she is not obsessive about it like you are. Second of all, she knows and is fully aware that we don't do it here and has never asked us to change. If she did, we would defenitely take that into consideration.  Third of all, no I don't know or care really how she feels--I've never asked. But, I don't care because I think if it was an issue to her she'd tell DH, since she hasn't I'm not worried about it.  Fourth, I have never told the kids that Santa can't go to mom's house, or that he isn't real. He just doens't come to our house.  I haven't changed Mom's traditions in any way, we've just created our own.

4. The 1/2 sibling isn't my child, but my kids biomom and new husband's child. I do tell the kids to enjoy Mom, Stepdad, and lil sis' traditons when at Mom's for the sake of 1/2 sib.  I see nothing wrong with that!

5. DH and I have custody. Mom sees the kids for ONE DAY a week, sometimes not even that. Why exactly should DH and I give mom absolute sayso in everything that happens to the kids when she does absolutely none of the work or discipline or even spending time with them?  She wouldn't know where to begin making some of these decisions for the kids, because she's so uninvolved she doesn't understand what's happening in their lives.  DH doesn't feel like he should have to change the way HE is raising HIS kids, just because she wants to have an opinion once every two or three months. Yes, DH and I both talk to biomom about important things. Like, getting DD glasses, and doctor's visits and stuff like that.  But we also make a lot of decisions on a daily basis that don't involve her because she doesn't care to be bothered with it.

I agree that a mother is the pentultimate person in a child's life.  BUT, only if she acts like a mother.  Since biomom doesn't, well her credibilty fades a bit. Don't you think?

6. DH and I have never, ever, said Santa wasn't real. Or told the kids mom was lying about it. We simply do not do Santa.  It is not a sin against childhood!  Gifts don't have Santa's name on the tag but ours.  We don't write letters or visit santa at the mall. We don't do cookies. BUT, we absolutely do do Christmas. So what if we choose to pretend Santa doesn't exist.  Honestly, I don't even know if they believe in Santa or not.  I've never put the "he's not real" thing out there. But, I've also never put the "he's real" thing out there either. 

7. If biomom and stepdad want to do santa in their house, that's great! I have no problem with it. DH and I have never done anything to take away from that.  We just don't do it here!  (Though, to be honest I think DH would mind if he knew she was doing it. But, I'm not sure. )

8. Heck, I don't even know if she does or doesn't do it. I know that I've heard her say Santa's name before... but, the kids never come home and tell me Santa visited! The kids tell me everything, so I think if Santa brought them presents they'd tell me. They tell me every time they see him at school! They have never once mentioned that mom does it at her house. So I'm thinking he's a tiny detail in their holiday.  I know for a fact that the do gift tags from "Mom" or "Stepdad" or "Grandma" because DD told me mom's handwriting is on all of them, and stepdad must be lazy because he doesn't wrap his own gifts.  LOL.

9.  If anyone else has any questions, ask me.  But please don't call me a bitch.  I really, truly, an not the unkind skank-a-saurus rex you make me out to be!

10.  I guess I started this thread to, well, allow people to ask questions about our tradition. And yes, I expected some bashing. But no name calling. I knew that some people would bash me for being a stepparent, but it never occured to me that I'd be hated for not doing Santa.  And, I wanted to see how many posts I'd get... especially since when I post about something that's actually important to me nobody reads it!  I guess there's a bit of a drama queen in all of us.  And, I suppose I'm guilty for intentionally starting drama, in a way.  But... I don't think I'm necessarily looking for attention to myself. Jut more curious if I could really get people going.  I suppose I was successful!

by on Dec. 4, 2012 at 1:18 PM
Replies (31-40):
A.J.s_mommy
by Ruby Member on Dec. 4, 2012 at 1:40 PM
Did he think that way when he was with their mom?

Quoting kappalopokis:

So what my husband thinks, as their father, doesn't matter to you at all?




Quoting cece5000:

You shouldn't go against what the Bio mom teaches her child. I teach my kids the true meaning of Christmas and also taught them that  gifts aren't a must, but they should give to others... Christmas is about the birth of Jesus.


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AtillaTheHun
by Bronze Member on Dec. 4, 2012 at 1:42 PM

Her house, her rules. If her husband agrees with it, BM can´t do shit about it. 

Quoting afwifeandmommy3:

How does BM feel about this . Not really your choice when it comes to her child


kappalopokis
by Bronze Member on Dec. 4, 2012 at 1:43 PM
I never did Santa growing up. I never want my kids (bio,step whatever) to do Santa either.

My husband doesn't want the kids believing something that isn't true.

And we both make it about jesus.

And, for the record, my kids have a beautiful understanding of the spirit if giving and receiving. Something a lot if kids don't see.

The magic in my kids is their beautiful big hearts, and their willingness to do for and give to those less fortunate than themselves.

They don't need Santa to be magical.


Quoting Young_Mommy89:

I did that when I believed in Santa....find a better excuse



Quoting kappalopokis:

See I knew I'd get bashed.





My kids are responsible and honest individuals. So, I say it's working.





Dd8 even asked for extra chores this month so she could buy a gift with money and earned for DS5.





I think our lesson is sinking in.






Quoting GhettoKoolAide:

Sounds like you're jealous. If for one day a year you can't give your kids the gift of magic then you have issues. Your reasons are pathetic.


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Gweneveer
by on Dec. 4, 2012 at 1:44 PM
1 mom liked this

You have good kids.  Great!  But do you HONESTLY believe that has ANYTHING to do with telling your kids there is no santa claus?  Really????

Quoting kappalopokis:

See I knew I'd get bashed.

My kids are responsible and honest individuals. So, I say it's working.

Dd8 even asked for extra chores this month so she could buy a gift with money and earned for DS5.

I think our lesson is sinking in.


Quoting GhettoKoolAide:

Sounds like you're jealous. If for one day a year you can't give your kids the gift of magic then you have issues. Your reasons are pathetic.


kayjayjess
by Bronze Member on Dec. 4, 2012 at 1:44 PM
1 mom liked this

I kind of get your reasoning, I think lol.  We do Santa. They are only children once and there is nothing wrong with having a little magic and mystery in thier lives.  With that being said, my kids are responsible and honest as well. They do extra chores to earn money to buy their siblings gifts as well.  I love the excitement my kids have for the month of December. 

Quoting kappalopokis:

See I knew I'd get bashed.

My kids are responsible and honest individuals. So, I say it's working.

Dd8 even asked for extra chores this month so she could buy a gift with money and earned for DS5.

I think our lesson is sinking in.


Quoting GhettoKoolAide:

Sounds like you're jealous. If for one day a year you can't give your kids the gift of magic then you have issues. Your reasons are pathetic.


My children are the source of my strength, frustration, happiness, insanity, sanity, irritability.  They are the definition of unconditional love.

piwife
by on Dec. 4, 2012 at 1:44 PM
we do santa, but he only gives each kid 2 small presents. The others come from mom and dad.
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AtillaTheHun
by Bronze Member on Dec. 4, 2012 at 1:45 PM

I was thinking the same thing. Whatever the BM says goes. What a bunch of crap. The kids can be told that Santa came to their mother´s house to drop the gifts off, and the presents they are getting at your house are from you and your husband. Problem solved. I don´t see why so many women on here bitch about your decision. It´s not like the BM is the non-plus-ultra holding the ultimative power in everything. There is also a FATHER in the picture. 

Quoting kappalopokis:

So what my husband thinks, as their father, doesn't matter to you at all?


Quoting cece5000:

You shouldn't go against what the Bio mom teaches her child. I teach my kids the true meaning of Christmas and also taught them that  gifts aren't a must, but they should give to others... Christmas is about the birth of Jesus.



kappalopokis
by Bronze Member on Dec. 4, 2012 at 1:45 PM
DH's religion.

And our decision together to nix the dude in the red suit.


Quoting nerdymom28:

Okay...but when it comes to your stepkids, their mother and father should come to a decision together. If you were married to my ex, I wouldn't let my kids spend Christmas with you. You would take away Santa AND push your religion on them? No thanks.


Quoting kappalopokis:

We also take the kids to church. So they learn we are celebrating the birth of Jesus.

And, I think Santa takes away from that.



Quoting nerdymom28:


 As a bio mom, I would be super pissed if you ruined Santa for my kids for your own personal reasons.



 


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wildlilacs
by on Dec. 4, 2012 at 1:46 PM
I dont do santa either. My parents never did either.
My kids did see problems w santa, like how come more well off kids got more presents from santa, stuff they wanted, while others, poor kids, didnt. Its like santa didnt like poor kids.. This was their thinking. We were, of course, on the poor side. However, they did enjoy Christmas. And when finances improved, we did Angle Tree.
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mom2swtboys
by on Dec. 4, 2012 at 1:48 PM
We don't do Santa. Neither dh or myself grew up believeing it either.
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