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I'm a stepmom who believes in a Santa Free home!

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Okay, so I can't respond to everyone so I'm just going to update here:

1.  Some of you hate me JUST because I'm a stepparent. Others of you hate  me just because I don't want Santa in my home.  Neither of these are good reasons to hate a person. I'm sorry if you've had, or had experiences with, horrible stepparents.  I am not one of these. I am a kind, loving, warm person who tries very hard not only to get along with Biomom, but to help the kids have a relationship with her.  Also, I had no idea Santa was such a volitile topic. No, I don't think I'll ever believe its right for my family but I had no idea that so many people out there think it's as important as breathing!  I've been educated.

2. I do not, in any way, believe that Santa is a necessary part of childhood. And, furthermore, I don't think that my kids are hurting in any way without having Santa. For right now, we just avoid the subject. I don't confirm nor deny the man's existance. Yes, he happened a long time ago. No, he isn't happening now. And I'm not going to tell them he is. My husband is a devout Christian, and I'm not. But, as he is... we prefer to teach Jesus as the reaosn for the season, and not Santa. This is DH's right as a parent, and my responsibilty to support him in as a stepparent. And yes, we teach the kids that we can't buy them gifts without going to work for the money. They understand that our working to provide for them is an expression of love. Maybe you don't agree with this, but my husband and I do.

3. Everyone here just assumes that Biomom wants them to have Santa and I'm a bitch for taking that away from them because it undermines here.  First of all, yes I do think she may reference Santa from time to time, but she is not obsessive about it like you are. Second of all, she knows and is fully aware that we don't do it here and has never asked us to change. If she did, we would defenitely take that into consideration.  Third of all, no I don't know or care really how she feels--I've never asked. But, I don't care because I think if it was an issue to her she'd tell DH, since she hasn't I'm not worried about it.  Fourth, I have never told the kids that Santa can't go to mom's house, or that he isn't real. He just doens't come to our house.  I haven't changed Mom's traditions in any way, we've just created our own.

4. The 1/2 sibling isn't my child, but my kids biomom and new husband's child. I do tell the kids to enjoy Mom, Stepdad, and lil sis' traditons when at Mom's for the sake of 1/2 sib.  I see nothing wrong with that!

5. DH and I have custody. Mom sees the kids for ONE DAY a week, sometimes not even that. Why exactly should DH and I give mom absolute sayso in everything that happens to the kids when she does absolutely none of the work or discipline or even spending time with them?  She wouldn't know where to begin making some of these decisions for the kids, because she's so uninvolved she doesn't understand what's happening in their lives.  DH doesn't feel like he should have to change the way HE is raising HIS kids, just because she wants to have an opinion once every two or three months. Yes, DH and I both talk to biomom about important things. Like, getting DD glasses, and doctor's visits and stuff like that.  But we also make a lot of decisions on a daily basis that don't involve her because she doesn't care to be bothered with it.

I agree that a mother is the pentultimate person in a child's life.  BUT, only if she acts like a mother.  Since biomom doesn't, well her credibilty fades a bit. Don't you think?

6. DH and I have never, ever, said Santa wasn't real. Or told the kids mom was lying about it. We simply do not do Santa.  It is not a sin against childhood!  Gifts don't have Santa's name on the tag but ours.  We don't write letters or visit santa at the mall. We don't do cookies. BUT, we absolutely do do Christmas. So what if we choose to pretend Santa doesn't exist.  Honestly, I don't even know if they believe in Santa or not.  I've never put the "he's not real" thing out there. But, I've also never put the "he's real" thing out there either. 

7. If biomom and stepdad want to do santa in their house, that's great! I have no problem with it. DH and I have never done anything to take away from that.  We just don't do it here!  (Though, to be honest I think DH would mind if he knew she was doing it. But, I'm not sure. )

8. Heck, I don't even know if she does or doesn't do it. I know that I've heard her say Santa's name before... but, the kids never come home and tell me Santa visited! The kids tell me everything, so I think if Santa brought them presents they'd tell me. They tell me every time they see him at school! They have never once mentioned that mom does it at her house. So I'm thinking he's a tiny detail in their holiday.  I know for a fact that the do gift tags from "Mom" or "Stepdad" or "Grandma" because DD told me mom's handwriting is on all of them, and stepdad must be lazy because he doesn't wrap his own gifts.  LOL.

9.  If anyone else has any questions, ask me.  But please don't call me a bitch.  I really, truly, an not the unkind skank-a-saurus rex you make me out to be!

10.  I guess I started this thread to, well, allow people to ask questions about our tradition. And yes, I expected some bashing. But no name calling. I knew that some people would bash me for being a stepparent, but it never occured to me that I'd be hated for not doing Santa.  And, I wanted to see how many posts I'd get... especially since when I post about something that's actually important to me nobody reads it!  I guess there's a bit of a drama queen in all of us.  And, I suppose I'm guilty for intentionally starting drama, in a way.  But... I don't think I'm necessarily looking for attention to myself. Jut more curious if I could really get people going.  I suppose I was successful!

by on Dec. 4, 2012 at 1:18 PM
Replies (401-410):
MissT1029
by Member on Dec. 7, 2012 at 7:25 AM


wow you must of had a shitty child hood also!!  I dont lie to my kids and I teach them to earn what they get but innocence is innocence its not a lie its a fairytale!! Dont destroy the magic its parents like ya'll that have the kids that ruin it for the other kids!!


Quoting yourmamahaha:

How r we suppose to install truth n honesty into our kids if we lie to them for fun


gypsy_rose
by Ruby Member on Dec. 7, 2012 at 8:19 AM

it kind of is if the kids live in her home. If her and dad decide on no santa. 

Quoting afwifeandmommy3:

How does BM feel about this . Not really your choice when it comes to her child


For information please click the ribbon. 

my son and I have something known as Nerofibromatosis. This illness causes tumors to grow within our bodies. I currently have brain tumors which affects my ability to function 100% normaly. My memory is poor as is my spelling and grammar abilities. It is a part of who my youngest is and a part of who I am. It is not all of ether of us.

My husbands best friends brother has a condition known as tuberous sclerosis. He was supposed to have died at a very young age. He is now close to 30 and still alive. He has had a few brain surgeries and has had to have his shunt replaced a few times. They run a program to help people with this condition. This ribbon will take you to their website where information on TS is located. 


gypsy_rose
by Ruby Member on Dec. 7, 2012 at 8:34 AM

BD and SM have custody. 




Quote:

by   Bronze Member on Dec. 4, 2012 at 3:56 PM
DH and I have custody. 

I take care of them:

When they're sick.
When they're well.
When they have needs.
When they don't.
I feed them.
I bathe them.
Clothe them.
Changed diapers.
I teach them.
I do homework with them.
I sing them to sleep when they're scared.
They cry for me when they're lonely.
I comfort them when BioMom lies to them, breaks promises, uses them against DH, or her new hubby.
I dive them to practices and doctors appointments and school.

I am their primary are provider while mom sits at home with her new family and ignores them.

They see her 1 day a week. Why? Because she "doesn't have time" to see them more.

I will never replace her and try very hard to help them have a relationship with them. No, I didn't give birth to them but they are my kids and ill die before I ever let them think I love them any less than that.

They need a mother's love.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile

Quoting jordan628hunter:

Even if you want the kids to know you guys work for the things until they become a certain age let them believe. Now if the BM is in the picture and has custody most of the time then you still you definitley need to care about how she feels on certain things because SHE is their mom. You are a STEP parent. If she wants them to believe then all you can do is have some gifts from santa and some gifts from you guys. I wil soon have a step mother and if my brother and sister still believed in Santa and she tried to ruin it because she wants to teach the value of working for what we have we would have a problem because Christmas really isn't the time to try and teach kids that especially at a young age. Would you want a step parent that was an atheist telling you kids there is no God just because they didn't believe there was proof? Exactly.


For information please click the ribbon. 

my son and I have something known as Nerofibromatosis. This illness causes tumors to grow within our bodies. I currently have brain tumors which affects my ability to function 100% normaly. My memory is poor as is my spelling and grammar abilities. It is a part of who my youngest is and a part of who I am. It is not all of ether of us.

My husbands best friends brother has a condition known as tuberous sclerosis. He was supposed to have died at a very young age. He is now close to 30 and still alive. He has had a few brain surgeries and has had to have his shunt replaced a few times. They run a program to help people with this condition. This ribbon will take you to their website where information on TS is located. 


gypsy_rose
by Ruby Member on Dec. 7, 2012 at 8:37 AM

obviously you care about yout kids. Sounds like their BM does not



Quote:

by   Bronze Member on Dec. 4, 2012 at 3:56 PM
DH and I have custody. 

I take care of them:

When they're sick.
When they're well.
When they have needs.
When they don't.
I feed them.
I bathe them.
Clothe them.
Changed diapers.
I teach them.
I do homework with them.
I sing them to sleep when they're scared.
They cry for me when they're lonely.
I comfort them when BioMom lies to them, breaks promises, uses them against DH, or her new hubby.
I dive them to practices and doctors appointments and school.

I am their primary are provider while mom sits at home with her new family and ignores them.

They see her 1 day a week. Why? Because she "doesn't have time" to see them more.

I will never replace her and try very hard to help them have a relationship with them. No, I didn't give birth to them but they are my kids and ill die before I ever let them think I love them any less than that.

They need a mother's love.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile

Quoting MissT1029:

Personal it is none of your business to decide what someone elses children believe!!  I understand you and the father are together now, but that is for him and his ex to decide together not you!!  My daughter is 10 and I have a baby son she still believes in Santa and I will allow it until she discovers otherwise.  If her dads new wife were to kill her childhood early by saying no santa no easter bunny we want you to understand the value of money, well you need   to understand the value of innocence!!  If I were put into this position and his wife said "I dont care how she feels meaning me" like you said about her I would have to beat her ass!!!!!  Merry Christmas Scrooge!!  Its one thing if as a family they agree but for you to decide for her kids against her wishes shame on you


For information please click the ribbon. 

my son and I have something known as Nerofibromatosis. This illness causes tumors to grow within our bodies. I currently have brain tumors which affects my ability to function 100% normaly. My memory is poor as is my spelling and grammar abilities. It is a part of who my youngest is and a part of who I am. It is not all of ether of us.

My husbands best friends brother has a condition known as tuberous sclerosis. He was supposed to have died at a very young age. He is now close to 30 and still alive. He has had a few brain surgeries and has had to have his shunt replaced a few times. They run a program to help people with this condition. This ribbon will take you to their website where information on TS is located. 


randomosityblog
by on Dec. 7, 2012 at 8:59 AM

You disgust me.

Quoting kappalopokis:

They are 8 and 5. We have done it this way for 3 Christmases now.

I don't know, or care how bio mom feels. DH agrees with me completely. I know bio mom does do Santa, and I tell the kids not to spoil it for their 2 year old 1/2 sister.

But DH and I talked about it our first Christmas together and agreed that we both prefer to have a Santa free home.


Quoting GLO682:

 how does bio mom feel about that?


how old are the kids? do they even believe in santa?



Aislinn
by on Dec. 7, 2012 at 9:05 AM


Quoting giggle_girls777:

Not odd insacure..... as long as she makes bio mom look bad and her look good hence she gives them more and better and wants them to know it. This way she can continue bashing bio mom and looking like the hero.
Krapikopolis fyi i have 4 step children and would never derail what there mother teaches them and she is a c#$t.............



Quoting Aislinn:

 I just don't get the " I need credit for it all.." Did it ever occur to you that they are going to figure out you where the ones that bought them the gifts? I mean, if you want a Santa Free home, whatever... But because you need all the credit? It just seems odd to me.. Just my opinion.


 I see.. I have never had to deal with this dynamic. Never even dated a man with kids. I just do not know why people get involved with people who have kids if they are just going to be evil about it. Why bother? In this generation, it is not that hard to find a childless mate. Sad... I had a friend apologize to me (kid you not) once because her ex husband was at her and her current husbands house watching his daughter while my friend and her husband were out with us. I told her it was insane to "apologize" for something like that and I told her that I found that to be much more normal than parents and step parents acting a fool and destroying the kids in the process. 

Arwyn724
by on Dec. 7, 2012 at 9:35 AM
1 mom liked this

Excellent answer. I've read the entire thread, trying to figure out how to say exactly this...you are a genious.  I cut the quote because of length, but every one should go to page 40 and read it.

Quoting EyeSpyDesigns:

While I can understand your point of view, and personal reasons for this, I must ask a few things:

Itzy0ll0tl
by on Dec. 7, 2012 at 9:45 AM

I agree with you, but step mom: not your kids, and you need to respect the way they have been raised..

I told my DD that santa was not real and that I work real hard and that I will buy her her gifts.. that was last year and this year shes going on about santa.. **sighs**

and since eshe gets to be with her bio dad.. Iwill respect awhat he has in store for her. then next year Ill sit down with her and explain again about santa

 

what does your husband think? and the biommom?

becasue what they think, needs to be respected regardless of what you think.. :S COMPLICATED I know

 

good luck

humblemommy
by Member on Dec. 8, 2012 at 1:28 AM
I applaud you since you're following what your husband says and those are his children...but it is still sucky. Santa was an awesome part of my childhood.
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azpreemiemom
by on Dec. 8, 2012 at 1:43 AM

Your house, your choice. I am sure the kids will grow up fine regardless.

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