Advertisement
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

The CafeMom Newcomers Club The CafeMom Newcomers Club

I'm a stepmom who believes in a Santa Free home!

Posted by   + Show Post

Okay, so I can't respond to everyone so I'm just going to update here:

1.  Some of you hate me JUST because I'm a stepparent. Others of you hate  me just because I don't want Santa in my home.  Neither of these are good reasons to hate a person. I'm sorry if you've had, or had experiences with, horrible stepparents.  I am not one of these. I am a kind, loving, warm person who tries very hard not only to get along with Biomom, but to help the kids have a relationship with her.  Also, I had no idea Santa was such a volitile topic. No, I don't think I'll ever believe its right for my family but I had no idea that so many people out there think it's as important as breathing!  I've been educated.

2. I do not, in any way, believe that Santa is a necessary part of childhood. And, furthermore, I don't think that my kids are hurting in any way without having Santa. For right now, we just avoid the subject. I don't confirm nor deny the man's existance. Yes, he happened a long time ago. No, he isn't happening now. And I'm not going to tell them he is. My husband is a devout Christian, and I'm not. But, as he is... we prefer to teach Jesus as the reaosn for the season, and not Santa. This is DH's right as a parent, and my responsibilty to support him in as a stepparent. And yes, we teach the kids that we can't buy them gifts without going to work for the money. They understand that our working to provide for them is an expression of love. Maybe you don't agree with this, but my husband and I do.

3. Everyone here just assumes that Biomom wants them to have Santa and I'm a bitch for taking that away from them because it undermines here.  First of all, yes I do think she may reference Santa from time to time, but she is not obsessive about it like you are. Second of all, she knows and is fully aware that we don't do it here and has never asked us to change. If she did, we would defenitely take that into consideration.  Third of all, no I don't know or care really how she feels--I've never asked. But, I don't care because I think if it was an issue to her she'd tell DH, since she hasn't I'm not worried about it.  Fourth, I have never told the kids that Santa can't go to mom's house, or that he isn't real. He just doens't come to our house.  I haven't changed Mom's traditions in any way, we've just created our own.

4. The 1/2 sibling isn't my child, but my kids biomom and new husband's child. I do tell the kids to enjoy Mom, Stepdad, and lil sis' traditons when at Mom's for the sake of 1/2 sib.  I see nothing wrong with that!

5. DH and I have custody. Mom sees the kids for ONE DAY a week, sometimes not even that. Why exactly should DH and I give mom absolute sayso in everything that happens to the kids when she does absolutely none of the work or discipline or even spending time with them?  She wouldn't know where to begin making some of these decisions for the kids, because she's so uninvolved she doesn't understand what's happening in their lives.  DH doesn't feel like he should have to change the way HE is raising HIS kids, just because she wants to have an opinion once every two or three months. Yes, DH and I both talk to biomom about important things. Like, getting DD glasses, and doctor's visits and stuff like that.  But we also make a lot of decisions on a daily basis that don't involve her because she doesn't care to be bothered with it.

I agree that a mother is the pentultimate person in a child's life.  BUT, only if she acts like a mother.  Since biomom doesn't, well her credibilty fades a bit. Don't you think?

6. DH and I have never, ever, said Santa wasn't real. Or told the kids mom was lying about it. We simply do not do Santa.  It is not a sin against childhood!  Gifts don't have Santa's name on the tag but ours.  We don't write letters or visit santa at the mall. We don't do cookies. BUT, we absolutely do do Christmas. So what if we choose to pretend Santa doesn't exist.  Honestly, I don't even know if they believe in Santa or not.  I've never put the "he's not real" thing out there. But, I've also never put the "he's real" thing out there either. 

7. If biomom and stepdad want to do santa in their house, that's great! I have no problem with it. DH and I have never done anything to take away from that.  We just don't do it here!  (Though, to be honest I think DH would mind if he knew she was doing it. But, I'm not sure. )

8. Heck, I don't even know if she does or doesn't do it. I know that I've heard her say Santa's name before... but, the kids never come home and tell me Santa visited! The kids tell me everything, so I think if Santa brought them presents they'd tell me. They tell me every time they see him at school! They have never once mentioned that mom does it at her house. So I'm thinking he's a tiny detail in their holiday.  I know for a fact that the do gift tags from "Mom" or "Stepdad" or "Grandma" because DD told me mom's handwriting is on all of them, and stepdad must be lazy because he doesn't wrap his own gifts.  LOL.

9.  If anyone else has any questions, ask me.  But please don't call me a bitch.  I really, truly, an not the unkind skank-a-saurus rex you make me out to be!

10.  I guess I started this thread to, well, allow people to ask questions about our tradition. And yes, I expected some bashing. But no name calling. I knew that some people would bash me for being a stepparent, but it never occured to me that I'd be hated for not doing Santa.  And, I wanted to see how many posts I'd get... especially since when I post about something that's actually important to me nobody reads it!  I guess there's a bit of a drama queen in all of us.  And, I suppose I'm guilty for intentionally starting drama, in a way.  But... I don't think I'm necessarily looking for attention to myself. Jut more curious if I could really get people going.  I suppose I was successful!

by on Dec. 4, 2012 at 1:18 PM
Replies (41-50):
nerdymom28
by Silver Member on Dec. 4, 2012 at 1:48 PM

 In most cases I would agree, but this is not something as simple as rules in everyday life; ruining Santa for them takes that away for the rest of their lives. It's not like they can re-believe once they leave Dad's house. They can never get that back. This is the type of thing that would affect the children outside of Dad's home as well, which makes it the type of decision BM should have a say in.

Quoting wildlilacs:

Bio dad agrees with no santa, his house, his rules.


Quoting nerdymom28:

 As a bio mom, I would be super pissed if you ruined Santa for my kids for your own personal reasons.


 

tattedladybug
by on Dec. 4, 2012 at 1:49 PM
You should care how she feels as she is their mother and you are not. Sounds like you could teach them this lesson another way than taking santa away
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
momofmany86
by on Dec. 4, 2012 at 1:50 PM

We don't do Santa, either. I don't want my children lied to. SS tried telling my kiddos that Santa was real so that HE could get the extra presents. DH & I have never done Santa. BM did it one year at OUR HOUSE for him, when we didn't even do it for our own kids. She had a GIANT box (looked like a box our Christmas tree could fit in), and said Santa left it in her car since she didn't have a house. Sorry, but he knew there wasn't a Santa, and she knew we didn't do Santa.

kappalopokis
by Bronze Member on Dec. 4, 2012 at 1:52 PM
Technically I own the house. I love how people always assume otherwise.

And it's our home. As in all 4 of us.

DH and I make all the rules together.



Quoting wildlilacs:

Bio dad agrees with no santa, his house, his rules.




Quoting nerdymom28:

 As a bio mom, I would be super pissed if you ruined Santa for my kids for your own personal reasons.



Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
grammarpolice
by Platinum Member on Dec. 4, 2012 at 1:52 PM

That's modeling some really good life skills for them....


They are 8 and 5. We have done it this way for 3 Christmases now.

I don't know, or care how bio mom feels. DH agrees with me completely. I know bio mom does do Santa, and I tell the kids not to spoil it for their 2 year old 1/2 sister.

But DH and I talked about it our first Christmas together and agreed that we both prefer to have a Santa free home.



nerdymom28
by Silver Member on Dec. 4, 2012 at 1:52 PM
1 mom liked this

Well thank goodness I don't have to deal with you. If my kids came home after Christmas crying because their stepmom told them there was no Santa, she'd be dealing with a shitstorm; courtesy of yours truly.

Quoting kappalopokis:

DH's religion.

And our decision together to nix the dude in the red suit.


Quoting nerdymom28:

Okay...but when it comes to your stepkids, their mother and father should come to a decision together. If you were married to my ex, I wouldn't let my kids spend Christmas with you. You would take away Santa AND push your religion on them? No thanks.


Quoting kappalopokis:

We also take the kids to church. So they learn we are celebrating the birth of Jesus.

And, I think Santa takes away from that.



Quoting nerdymom28:


 As a bio mom, I would be super pissed if you ruined Santa for my kids for your own personal reasons.



 


 

militarywife09
by on Dec. 4, 2012 at 1:53 PM
You suck. The end.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
DanaG70
by Platinum Member on Dec. 4, 2012 at 1:53 PM

 My kids do that and my kids did the whole Santa thing.........

Quoting kappalopokis:

See I knew I'd get bashed.

My kids are responsible and honest individuals. So, I say it's working.

Dd8 even asked for extra chores this month so she could buy a gift with money and earned for DS5.

I think our lesson is sinking in.


Quoting GhettoKoolAide:

Sounds like you're jealous. If for one day a year you can't give your kids the gift of magic then you have issues. Your reasons are pathetic.

 

lilbit53009
by on Dec. 4, 2012 at 1:53 PM

not doing santa for the sole reason that you want all the credit is so selfish!

PiNkIsPuNk
by on Dec. 4, 2012 at 1:55 PM

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)