I can't take this little girl anymore!!!

[JustMe0326]

 She's my 9yo sd. And I don't even know where to begin on how to describe her.

She is ADHD. Medicated, yes. When WE give it to her. Her mother seems to "forget" to give it to her all the time. THAT part, I can deal with. I can't deal with the compulsive lying, the stealing, the attitude, the arguing, the acting like she's stupid when you tell her to do something, the lying, the hitting, the temper tantrums she throws when she doesn't get her way, and oh yeah, did I mention the lying?? I can't STAND lying! And it's over the STUPIDEST things!

She has been in trouble every single night this week and I just don't know what to do with her anymore. She makes everyone in our home miserable. We are well aware that she needs attention. She does ALL of what she does for attention. So we give her LOTS of extra attention. But the second all eyes aren't on her, she's trying to make your life miserable. And she does a damn good job at it.

She is in counseling. And she loves it. Because she gets that man's 110% one-on-one attention for that entire hour. She loves it so much that her mother decided it would be a good idea to use it as a punishment. Yeah. She told her that if she didn't start acting right, then she wasn't going anymore. WHAT SENSE DOES THAT MAKE?????? UGH!!!

It's gotten so bad that her mother is calling, literally crying to dh on a daily basis saying she doesn't know what to do anymore. Her own MOTHER calls her a devil child. We've all tried everything. Rewarding, punishing (never hitting...she gets things taken away, gets grounded, etc. but she just doesn't care), writing sentences, going to bed early, we've tried just talking to her...I swear we've tried it all. Nothing works. She seriously doesn't care about anything. This week she's already gotten a Christmas gift taken away because she went snooping through our bedroom, which both kids KNOW to stay out of our room because we have guns in there. She found the one gift, then made up this whole huge story when she was caught red-handed by dh, lied til she was blue in the face. So now she's not getting that gift. She's gotten all electronics taken away, and last night she went to bed at 6:30 because of the crap she pulled. (All of these punishments aren't over the snooping thing. They were for all different reasons, I just don't want to write a book on all the crap she's done just this week.)

I'm just at my wits end with her. I have to vent on here before I end up screaming at her or worse...We do a very good job at not losing it to her / in front of her...I want to keep it that way. I just don't know what to do anymore.

[ashandmasysmom]

My daughter is ADHD/ODD and you just described her to a tee. But with family counseling we have found things that work. It is very hard and she still has her says but it is better then it was a few years ago. Please feel free to message me if you would like some ideas. Hell i will Even give you my number if you need to have an actual conversation about it.

[frndlyfn]

It sounds like she needs more consistency in her medication routine and since when does a 9 yr old get to decide where they live?   Between the medication and knowing she can play you guys  I am not sure which discipline would be the most helpful.  Pick one and stick to that.   It will become so tedious to her that she will hopefully become the young lady you are hoping for.  Perhaps parenting classes that specialize in adhd and odd would help you.

[Momtogirls0823]

I understand completely.  I would definitely wait to see if it changes once she is on the meds. consistently.  That way you will know if it's the inconsistency causing the problems or the meds. themselves.  I wouldn't want a zombie, either.  My oldest dd is ADHD so I can relate.  :)  Luckily, she does well on just 10mg.

Quoting JustMe0326:

I just don't want to change the meds or the dosage when it might work just fine if its given to her regularly, kwim?? I don't want to make her a zombie...

Quoting Momtogirls0823:

I really suggest more consistency and her taking the meds. on a regular basis.  Also, find a family dr. who will actually support you in this.  You said your family dr. doesn't even believe it's ADHD.  You need to get all physicians on the same page.  Believe me, the more people you have on your side the better!  Also, consider changing meds. or dosages.  It sounds like they aren't working.  Good luck!  

[azpreemiemom]

I'm sorry. My 11 year-old was just diagnosed with ADHD, so I understand your frustration, although he isn't quite as severe. Has the therapist given you any suggestions on how to handle this? Another thing to consider is to get her signed up with the big brother/big sister program... Someone that can do things with her and give her that one on one attention that isn't an authority figure. It is hard to give her all of your undivided attention when you have other kids.

[Momof38186]

I don't have a lot of help , but I had an aunt with 3 kids that acted that way and when she stopped feeding them things that said they had "red dye # ??"  and other dyes in them and stopped giving them foods with perservatives they all started acting WAY Better--- just from that simple change !  Also, hot dogs are HORRIBLE for kids with ADHD. Diet  is the #1 problem with ADHD kids now-a-days. I don't know if that has anything to do with what's going on here, but it might ,so I thought I'd offer up that advice. When my aunt took those things away from their diets they were totally different kids !!  Things that are boxed in the frozen Aisle have a lot of perservatives  in them & are HORRIBLE for ADHD kids. Almost all candies,cool aids and SO much more have red dye and other dyes in them -- those alone make a huge difference in adhd kids. I'd get a recipe book spesificly for kids with ADHD and start reading on proper diet for her also.  It really helps SO Much 

[Momof38186]

http://www.livestrong.com/article/219274-foods-that-are-bad-for-kids-with-add/

http://www.everydayhealth.com/adhd-pictures/how-food-can-affect-your-childs-adhd-symptoms.aspx#/slide-1

[Momof38186]

http://www.everydayhealth.com/adhd-pictures/how-food-can-affect-your-childs-adhd-symptoms.aspx#/slide-3

Frozen Fruits and Vegetables

Most fruits and vegetables are healthy choices for an ADHD diet, but some frozen varieties can contain artificial colors, so check all labels carefully. Barnhill says these can cause ADHD symptoms for another reason as well. “Foods treated with organophosphates for insect control have been shown to cause neurologic-based behavioral problems that mimic ADHD and many other behavior problems,” he says.

Other Food Sensitivities

According to a recent study, many children with food sensitivities can exhibit ADHD symptoms after they are exposed to certain foods. Based on the results of the research, some of the common foods that can cause ADHD reactions include milk, chocolate, soy, wheat, eggs, beans, corn, tomatoes, grapes, and oranges. If you suspect a food sensitivity may be contributing to your child’s ADHD symptoms, talk to your doctor about the possibility of trying an elimination diet.

Candy

Candy is loaded with sugar and artificial colors, which is a bad combination when it comes to children with ADHD who often need to follow an ADHD diet. Both of these components have been shown to promote ADHD symptoms in studies. “With the high content of sugar and artificial coloring, candy is a huge contributor to ADHD,” says Howard Peiper, author of The ADD and ADHD Diet.

Soda

If you have ADHD, consider eliminating soda. These sweet drinks often have many of the same sugars and sweeteners that make candy a bad idea for kids on the ADHD diet. Soda also has other ingredients that can help worsen ADHD symptoms, such as high-fructose corn syrup and caffeine. “Excessive sugar and caffeine intake both cause symptoms of hyperactivity and easy distractibility,” says Dr. Barnhill.

Cake Mixes and Frostings

Cake mix and frosting contain the high amounts of sugar and artificial colors that can lead to hyperactivity and other ADHD symptoms. Naheed Ali, MD, ADHD expert and the author of Diabetes and You: A Comprehensive, Holistic Approach, adds that these products are often also loaded with several artificial sweeteners. “When frosting and cake mix contain artificial sweeteners, they increase the risk of ADHD symptoms more than natural sweeteners would,” he says.

[rmfanfgljf]

how is her behaviour OFF the meds? A little boy my mom used to babysit for was fine off the meds but a terror on his meds............if she is a slow learner, fidgeter, does things on impulse, has a low self esteem, etc.......but her attitude is that of a "normal" 9yo then I would look into getting her tested for something other then adhd.

[Momof38186]

http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/6552.html  lots of good info there also 

High-Sugar Foods and Snacks. Several studies suggest that some ADHD kids are “turned on” by copious amounts of sugar. One study concluded that the more sugar hyperactive children consumed, the more destructive and restless they became. A study conducted at Yale University indicates that high-sugar diets increaseinattention in some kids.

Some common items to avoid include fruit “drinks” or “cocktails,” both of which are higher in sugar than 100 percent fruit juice. Read food labels carefully, looking for the following ingredients (code words for sugar): high-fructose corn sweetener, dehydrated cane juice; dextrin; dextrose; maltodextrin; sucrose; molasses; and malt syrup.

Artificial Dyes and Preservatives. Studies published in The Lancet, Pediatrics, and The Journal of Pediatrics suggest that some children with ADHD are adversely affected by food additives. A recent study indicates that artificial food coloring and flavors, as well as the preservative sodium benzoate, make some non-ADHD kids hyperactive.

Avoid colorful cereals, like Fruit Loops and Lucky Charms. Cheerios are better, and lower in sugar. Substitute 100 percent fruit juice for soft drinks and fruit punches, most of which are artificially colored and flavored. If your child wants a treat, offer him Pepperidge Farm Chessmen cookies, which are free of dyes and low in sugar.

Foods That Cause Allergies. According to studies, gluten, wheat, corn, and soy cause some children to lose focus and become more hyperactive. Vincent Monastra, Ph.D., author of Parenting Children with ADHD, suggests that all children be screened for food allergies before being prescribed medication for ADHD. Talk with your doctor about testing for allergies.

Deficiencies in certain types of foods can worsen ADHD symptoms in children and adults. Getting adequate levels of the right foods optimizes brain function.

Protein. Foods rich in protein -- lean beef, pork, poultry, fish, eggs, beans, nuts, soy, and low-fat dairy products -- can have beneficial effects on ADD symptoms. Protein-rich foods are used by the body to make neurotransmitters, the chemicals released by brain cells to communicate with each other. Protein can prevent surges in blood sugar, which increase hyperactivity.

“Because the body makes brain-awakening neurotransmitters when you eat protein, start your day with a breakfast that includes it,” says Laura Stevens, M.S., a nutritionist at Purdue University and author of 12 Effective Ways to Help Your ADD/ADHD Child. “Don’t stop there. Look for ways to slip in lean protein during the day, as well.”

Try: thinkThin protein bars, Larabars, Raw Revolution bars, or Soy Blendz fruit smoothies.

Balanced Meals. Faye Berger Mitchell, a registered dietician from Bethesda, Maryland, has a nine-year-old daughter who received an ADHD diagnosis two years ago. While her daughter takes stimulants to control her ADHD symptoms, Mitchell concluded that a pill is not enough. She finds that when her daughter eats a well-balanced diet, including vegetables, complex carbohydrates, fruits, and plenty of protein, her behavior tends to be more consistently under control.

Ned Hallowell, M.D., founder of the Hallowell Center for Cognitive and Emotional Health, in Sudbury, Massachusetts, and New York City, advises all of his ADHD patients to think about their plates when preparing a meal. Half of the plate, he recommends, should be filled with fruits or vegetables, one-fourth with a protein, and one-fourth with carbohydrates.

Hallowell also advocates eating several servings of whole grains, which are rich in fiber, each day to prevent blood sugar levels from spiking and then plummeting.

Many diets are deficient in key vitamins, minerals, and fats that may improve attention and alertness,” says Richard Brown, M.D., author of How to Use Herbs, Nutrients, and Yoga in Mental Health Care. He suggests that children and adults who have been diagnosed with ADHD be tested for nutritional deficiencies.

“Supplements and diet can correct nutrient shortfalls that exacerbate ADHD symptoms,” adds Brown.

Zinc, Iron, and Magnesium. Zinc regulates the neurotransmitter dopamine and may make methylphenidate more effective by improving the brain’s response to dopamine. Low levels of this mineral correlate with inattention. Iron is also necessary for making dopamine. One small study showed ferritin levels (a measure of iron stores) to be low in 84 percent ofADHD children compared to 18 percent of the control group. Low iron levels correlate with cognitive deficits and severe ADHD. Like zinc, magnesium is used to make neurotransmitters involved in attention and concentration, and it has a calming effect on the brain.

All three minerals are found in lean meats, poultry, seafood, nuts, soy, and fortified cereals. While diet is the safest way to increase all three mineral levels, a multivitamin/multimineral with iron will ensure that you or your child gets the daily reference value (DRV) of these minerals.

B Vitamins. Studies suggest that giving children who have low levels of B vitamins a supplement improved some IQ scores (by 16 points) and reduced aggression and antisocial behavior. “Vitamin B-6 seems to increase the brain’s levels of dopamine, which improves alertness,” says Brown.

Try: Bio-Strath, a Swiss formula, available in pill and liquid forms at vitacost.com, was used in many studies on vitamin B and ADD. Drugstore chains also offer inexpensive, high-quality, store-brand B-vitamin formulations.

Multivitamin/Multimineral. If your child is a picky eater, or if he eats lots of take-out food, chips, and soda, he probably isn’t getting the daily recommended value of vitamins and minerals. A daily multivitamin/multimineral will ensure that he does, no matter how finicky he is.

Try: Hero Yummi Bears Multi-Vitamin + Minerals. They contain no artificial colors and flavors, which increase hyperactivity in some children with ADHD.

Picamilon. A combination of the B-vitamin niacin and gamma-aminobutryic acid (GABA), picamilon improves blood flow to the brain and has mild stimulative effects, improving alertness and attention. It can also reduce aggressive behavior. “Both adults and children derive benefits from this supplement,” says Brown.

Try: Picamilon can be purchased at Smart Nutrition and IAS.

Omega-3 Fatty Acids. Omega-3s are believed to be important in brain and nerve cell function. A new study, conducted at Göteborg University, in Sweden, concluded that daily doses of omega-3s -- found in cold-water, fatty fish, such as sardines, tuna, and salmon -- reduced ADHD symptoms by 50 percent. Dr. Sven Ostlund followed a group of ADHD children aged 8-18 who took fish oil daily. Within six months, there was a noticeable decrease in ADHD symptoms in 25 percent of the children.

Another study showed that omega-3s tend to break down more readily in the bodies of patients with ADHD than in those without the condition. “ADDers who have low blood levels of omega-3s will show the biggest improvement in mental focus and cognitive function,” says Brown. “Sometimes the change is dramatic.”

John Ratey, M.D., associate clinical professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, recommends that you choose a supplement that contains more EPA (eicosapentaenoic acid) than DHA (docosahexaenoic acid).

Try: OmegaBrite, Omega Rx, MorEPA, or Nordic Naturals pills; Clicks Bar; or Barlean's Omega Swirl drink

“Herbs may improve blood flow to the brain, increasing alertness while reducing aggressive behavior,” Brown says. Talk with your doctor, or a psycho-pharmacologist, before starting an herb regimen.

Ginkgo and Ginseng. “These herbs are cognitive activators,” says Brown. They act like stimulants, without the side effects of ADHD medication. Typically, adults and children who take ginkgo and ginseng improve on ADHD rating scales, and are less impulsive and distractible. Asian ginseng may overstimulate younger children. If this happens, switch to American ginseng.

Try: Hsu’s Ginseng is a reliable mail-order source for American and Asian versions of the herb. According to Brown, Ginkoba and Ginkgold are the best brands of ginkgo.

Pycnogenol. An extract made from French maritime pine bark, pycnogenol was found to improve hyperactivity and sharpen attention, concentration, and visual-motor coordination in students after one month, based on standardized measures and teacher and parent ratings. The herb is also rich in polyphenols, antioxidants that protect brain cells from free radical damage. “The first double-blind study on the herb was published in 2006, confirming its benefit,” says Brown. “Larger randomized trials, though, are needed.”

Try: Purchase pycnogenol from Nature’s Best.

Rhodiola Rosea. Made from a plant of the same name that grows in the Arctic, this herb can improve alertness, attention, and accuracy. It can be too stimulating for young children, and is occasionally beneficial in children ages eight to 12. It is most useful, says Brown, for students in junior high, high school, and college, who have to complete long papers and spend hours reading.

Try: Rhodiola rosea is available from Ameriden International, Swedish Herbal Institute-ProActive, and GNC.

[jennie2263]

Have you considered some type of counseling for her? Sometimes it can help, especially if her mom isn't really attentive. Just a thought.