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I can't take this little girl anymore!!!

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 She's my 9yo sd. And I don't even know where to begin on how to describe her.

She is ADHD. Medicated, yes. When WE give it to her. Her mother seems to "forget" to give it to her all the time. THAT part, I can deal with. I can't deal with the compulsive lying, the stealing, the attitude, the arguing, the acting like she's stupid when you tell her to do something, the lying, the hitting, the temper tantrums she throws when she doesn't get her way, and oh yeah, did I mention the lying?? I can't STAND lying! And it's over the STUPIDEST things!

She has been in trouble every single night this week and I just don't know what to do with her anymore. She makes everyone in our home miserable. We are well aware that she needs attention. She does ALL of what she does for attention. So we give her LOTS of extra attention. But the second all eyes aren't on her, she's trying to make your life miserable. And she does a damn good job at it.

She is in counseling. And she loves it. Because she gets that man's 110% one-on-one attention for that entire hour. She loves it so much that her mother decided it would be a good idea to use it as a punishment. Yeah. She told her that if she didn't start acting right, then she wasn't going anymore. WHAT SENSE DOES THAT MAKE?????? UGH!!!

It's gotten so bad that her mother is calling, literally crying to dh on a daily basis saying she doesn't know what to do anymore. Her own MOTHER calls her a devil child. We've all tried everything. Rewarding, punishing (never hitting...she gets things taken away, gets grounded, etc. but she just doesn't care), writing sentences, going to bed early, we've tried just talking to her...I swear we've tried it all. Nothing works. She seriously doesn't care about anything. This week she's already gotten a Christmas gift taken away because she went snooping through our bedroom, which both kids KNOW to stay out of our room because we have guns in there. She found the one gift, then made up this whole huge story when she was caught red-handed by dh, lied til she was blue in the face. So now she's not getting that gift. She's gotten all electronics taken away, and last night she went to bed at 6:30 because of the crap she pulled. (All of these punishments aren't over the snooping thing. They were for all different reasons, I just don't want to write a book on all the crap she's done just this week.)

I'm just at my wits end with her. I have to vent on here before I end up screaming at her or worse...We do a very good job at not losing it to her / in front of her...I want to keep it that way. I just don't know what to do anymore.

by on Dec. 7, 2012 at 8:36 AM
Replies (21-29):
ashandmasysmom
by Silver Member on Dec. 7, 2012 at 5:06 PM
My daughter is ADHD/ODD and you just described her to a tee. But with family counseling we have found things that work. It is very hard and she still has her says but it is better then it was a few years ago. Please feel free to message me if you would like some ideas. Hell i will Even give you my number if you need to have an actual conversation about it.
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frndlyfn
by Emerald Member on Dec. 7, 2012 at 5:19 PM

It sounds like she needs more consistency in her medication routine and since when does a 9 yr old get to decide where they live?   Between the medication and knowing she can play you guys  I am not sure which discipline would be the most helpful.  Pick one and stick to that.   It will become so tedious to her that she will hopefully become the young lady you are hoping for.  Perhaps parenting classes that specialize in adhd and odd would help you.

Momtogirls0823
by Gold Member on Dec. 8, 2012 at 1:05 AM

I understand completely.  I would definitely wait to see if it changes once she is on the meds. consistently.  That way you will know if it's the inconsistency causing the problems or the meds. themselves.  I wouldn't want a zombie, either.  My oldest dd is ADHD so I can relate.  :)  Luckily, she does well on just 10mg.

Quoting JustMe0326:

I just don't want to change the meds or the dosage when it might work just fine if its given to her regularly, kwim?? I don't want to make her a zombie...

Quoting Momtogirls0823:

I really suggest more consistency and her taking the meds. on a regular basis.  Also, find a family dr. who will actually support you in this.  You said your family dr. doesn't even believe it's ADHD.  You need to get all physicians on the same page.  Believe me, the more people you have on your side the better!  Also, consider changing meds. or dosages.  It sounds like they aren't working.  Good luck!  


I am a busy working mom to two very active girls.  I love my kids, play on the floor in the fort with them, take them to the park, and love them always!  I can't imagine life without them!

school bus       school bus

azpreemiemom
by on Dec. 8, 2012 at 1:13 AM

I'm sorry. My 11 year-old was just diagnosed with ADHD, so I understand your frustration, although he isn't quite as severe. Has the therapist given you any suggestions on how to handle this? Another thing to consider is to get her signed up with the big brother/big sister program... Someone that can do things with her and give her that one on one attention that isn't an authority figure. It is hard to give her all of your undivided attention when you have other kids.

rmfanfgljf
by Gold Member on Dec. 8, 2012 at 1:24 AM

how is her behaviour OFF the meds? A little boy my mom used to babysit for was fine off the meds but a terror on his meds............if she is a slow learner, fidgeter, does things on impulse, has a low self esteem, etc.......but her attitude is that of a "normal" 9yo then I would look into getting her tested for something other then adhd.

jennie2263
by on Dec. 8, 2012 at 1:32 AM

Have you considered some type of counseling for her? Sometimes it can help, especially if her mom isn't really attentive. Just a thought. 

manicMOM_DLC
by on Dec. 8, 2012 at 1:36 AM
Meds don't make miracles lol. They are just a helpful. I find it sad that because this girl isn't perfection, you automatically assume she needs better meds.

Op, I have an ADHD son who is impulsive like you sd. He isn't medicated. The best thing I do for my son is be consistent.


Quoting StoneColdKiller:

Wow you guys are really dropping the ball here.





The meds aren't working, why does it take a stranger to tell you that?

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StoneColdKiller
by Platinum Member on Dec. 8, 2012 at 2:52 AM
Actually the goal of meds and therapy is to have the child look no different then another classmate. Of course with the op saying the child behaves in school seems like she is making the choice to act out instead of being impulse control.

My 5 year old is ADHD but we only just get this diagnoses. He's only been on meds 4 weeks and every week I've had to call the doctor to tweak it. So far results from all teachers, doctors, extended family and friends is a 180, of course their are down times.

However first reading this post seemed like the child was doing these things on lack of impluse control that has to do with the ADHD (meds not working then). However if its a choice she is making then sounds like more therapy could help or a different approach with therapy.


Quoting manicMOM_DLC:

Meds don't make miracles lol. They are just a helpful. I find it sad that because this girl isn't perfection, you automatically assume she needs better meds.



Op, I have an ADHD son who is impulsive like you sd. He isn't medicated. The best thing I do for my son is be consistent.




Quoting StoneColdKiller:

Wow you guys are really dropping the ball here.







The meds aren't working, why does it take a stranger to tell you that?

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StoneColdKiller
by Platinum Member on Dec. 8, 2012 at 2:55 AM
Very true. I know I heard people takin their kids off meds for weekends. I took my son off meds 1 day (skipped non school day) and it took almost a week before he was stable again. I told his teachers at school, they told me some kids can handle it and some can't. Mine is one to not skip any days.

Quoting Treymama:

The meds aren't being giving consistently so of course they are not going to work and no medication will unless it is given how its supposed to.







Quoting StoneColdKiller:

Wow you guys are really dropping the ball here.







The meds aren't working, why does it take a stranger to tell you that?
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