Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

The CafeMom Newcomers Club The CafeMom Newcomers Club

at least if i ever end up a single mom again i have a plan....

Posted by   + Show Post

i have had it with working low paying menial jobs for shitty employers. enough is enough. 

i am now on sick leave and just waiting for my record of employment to be sent to me so i can give it to employment insurance, i am *hoping* my EI will kick in before the new year, but not holding my breath.

in order to have some help from EI in re-training, i need to have a pretty rock solid "action plan" after a lot of thought and research, i have come up with a plan that will ensure i have a good paying job to go to when i am done my mat leave.

so my plan is to take my youth care worker certification via distance education, (online) by the time my mat leave is about up and baby is done breastfeeding, i will be starting my practicum, likely at Egadz, a youth center i used to go to a lot when i was a bad ass youth, and in fact, my old foster mom runs the place :) she was pretty sure i could get in for my practicum, which would be AWESOME!

i may also do some practicum at gov't run group homes, i want to be able to get a job in either gov't or a publicly funded organization when i am done. wages run from $17-37/hr for a YCW. 

once i am done my cert, i will start working, and continue taking distance ed (which i will be paying for course by course, on my own) to get my degree in YCW.

dh got the cattle thing done and has paid off our credit cards, THANK GOD! although i am not sure if he also got them cut off, i sure hope he has.

i looked online at his bank account, my suv is costing us $240/bi weekly, his car is about the same, the mortgage is $330. bi weekly. so it is not as much going out as i had thought (because DH said so) but i wish i could get lower car payments, HOWEVER, we over paid for the escape by about $10,000. and now have $17,000 in negative equity on that damn thing. **sigh** i dont know how to get that back to something reasonable. 

anyways. my plan is to get a damn good CAREER, not just a job. because a woman with a career has a lot more choices in life open to her than someone who is only making $11/hr. 

we need to contact the banks and see if we could possibly just pay the interest on the mortgage and cars while dh is in school for jan -feb, but somehow i doubt it.

eventually, we will have to sell the house and move, in the next 2-3 years. simply because we dont have enough job options out here, and dh has the highest level of education out of all the guys at his work, and he needs a 4th year journeyman to work under, or he can't continue to move up the ladder.

well, thats all for now.

by on Dec. 11, 2012 at 11:48 AM
Replies (11-20):
D.O.E.
by on Dec. 11, 2012 at 5:19 PM

thank you, when i left last summer, i was in an emotional spiral, i was actually really emotionaly unstable, due to my sister shooting herself and the way his family turned around and treated me, on top of all the little things, i just lost it for awhile. i went off without a plan, and thats never a good idea. i don't want to end up in that position again. so i am getting my classes, and i will get a good job, and if things dont get better, at least i know i have a plan to leave. 

i can't keep doing this, it is so depressing. he doesn't care about anything, the only emotions other than blah that he shows are frustration and anger, and i need more than that. or nothing at all.

Quoting sucker4myloves:

You tell them. You don't have to justify yourself to anybody, so don't let her get under your skin. That is so very ugly, and she SHOULD be ashamed of herself. I'm sure she's not, and instead sitting high on false pedestal. You just keep doing right by your children.

Quoting D.O.E.:

well it was ONE of the reasons, but the main reason is; it's not easy being a single mom, it was scary, i wasn't ready, and he acted like he was changing for the better. things were good for awhile. i made vows, and i wanted to keep them. but i am living a life where we are just going through the motions, there is no substance to our relationship, no tenderness, no passion. he doesn't say more than a few words to me each day, i try to talk to him and i get shut down. my home ISN'T chaotic, it is simply blah. there is no yelling or fighting, we dont care enough to yell or fight. we are glorified room mates, thats all. i don't "treat" him badly at all, but i am sick of being treated like a peice of furniture, i am sick of feeling sad everytime i see my friends post on fb about how great their hubby's are, or the sweet things they do for each other. i am sick of feeling sad when i see other couples laugh and joke around, because they actually enjoy being around each other. 

i am working on ensuring that i can actually provide my kids with a good future and stable home. and i highly doubt if we do divorce, that i will ever even WANT to be in another relationship. 

so take your judgmental ass and stfu. i was shocked and a little bit sickened to realise i was pregnant, it wasn't in my game plan, but i am not aborting, i am bringing my child into this world and i will love and care for him as i do my other children. 

but i want my boys to grow up with either a good posative role model of a healthy relationship, or none at all. i dont want them to end up like him. emotionaly dead. unable to communicate. 

and i reallllllllly don't care if my sil's hate me, i just dont give a flying fuck.

Quoting mom-super-2:

Why did you get back with your dh if you are just going to leave him again. Is it just because you couldn't make it on your own? Now you are bringing another helpless human being into your chaotic home. No wonder why your inlaws hate you. I would too if you treated my brother that way.




sucker4myloves
by on Dec. 11, 2012 at 5:21 PM

You'd be a fool to leave in a hurry again, since there's no violence going on. You're doing the right thing by preparing. It's a loveless marriage, you are not obligated to stay, nor are you obligated to just up and leave without preparation. Do what you gotta do to be a success for your children.

Quoting D.O.E.:

thank you, when i left last summer, i was in an emotional spiral, i was actually really emotionaly unstable, due to my sister shooting herself and the way his family turned around and treated me, on top of all the little things, i just lost it for awhile. i went off without a plan, and thats never a good idea. i don't want to end up in that position again. so i am getting my classes, and i will get a good job, and if things dont get better, at least i know i have a plan to leave. 

i can't keep doing this, it is so depressing. he doesn't care about anything, the only emotions other than blah that he shows are frustration and anger, and i need more than that. or nothing at all.

Quoting sucker4myloves:

You tell them. You don't have to justify yourself to anybody, so don't let her get under your skin. That is so very ugly, and she SHOULD be ashamed of herself. I'm sure she's not, and instead sitting high on false pedestal. You just keep doing right by your children.

Quoting D.O.E.:

well it was ONE of the reasons, but the main reason is; it's not easy being a single mom, it was scary, i wasn't ready, and he acted like he was changing for the better. things were good for awhile. i made vows, and i wanted to keep them. but i am living a life where we are just going through the motions, there is no substance to our relationship, no tenderness, no passion. he doesn't say more than a few words to me each day, i try to talk to him and i get shut down. my home ISN'T chaotic, it is simply blah. there is no yelling or fighting, we dont care enough to yell or fight. we are glorified room mates, thats all. i don't "treat" him badly at all, but i am sick of being treated like a peice of furniture, i am sick of feeling sad everytime i see my friends post on fb about how great their hubby's are, or the sweet things they do for each other. i am sick of feeling sad when i see other couples laugh and joke around, because they actually enjoy being around each other. 

i am working on ensuring that i can actually provide my kids with a good future and stable home. and i highly doubt if we do divorce, that i will ever even WANT to be in another relationship. 

so take your judgmental ass and stfu. i was shocked and a little bit sickened to realise i was pregnant, it wasn't in my game plan, but i am not aborting, i am bringing my child into this world and i will love and care for him as i do my other children. 

but i want my boys to grow up with either a good posative role model of a healthy relationship, or none at all. i dont want them to end up like him. emotionaly dead. unable to communicate. 

and i reallllllllly don't care if my sil's hate me, i just dont give a flying fuck.

Quoting mom-super-2:

Why did you get back with your dh if you are just going to leave him again. Is it just because you couldn't make it on your own? Now you are bringing another helpless human being into your chaotic home. No wonder why your inlaws hate you. I would too if you treated my brother that way.





MAINSTREAM MOMS Wanna escape the crunch? Join us!

REDNECK MOMMIES Join to commune with your fellow country mamas!



little.worthen
by Tess on Dec. 11, 2012 at 5:23 PM
That's a good plan, but also really sad you're planning for your future divorce while you're still "happily" married..
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
D.O.E.
by on Dec. 11, 2012 at 5:23 PM

thank you, i needed to hear that.

Quoting sucker4myloves:

You'd be a fool to leave in a hurry again, since there's no violence going on. You're doing the right thing by preparing. It's a loveless marriage, you are not obligated to stay, nor are you obligated to just up and leave without preparation. Do what you gotta do to be a success for your children.

Quoting D.O.E.:

thank you, when i left last summer, i was in an emotional spiral, i was actually really emotionaly unstable, due to my sister shooting herself and the way his family turned around and treated me, on top of all the little things, i just lost it for awhile. i went off without a plan, and thats never a good idea. i don't want to end up in that position again. so i am getting my classes, and i will get a good job, and if things dont get better, at least i know i have a plan to leave. 

i can't keep doing this, it is so depressing. he doesn't care about anything, the only emotions other than blah that he shows are frustration and anger, and i need more than that. or nothing at all.

Quoting sucker4myloves:

You tell them. You don't have to justify yourself to anybody, so don't let her get under your skin. That is so very ugly, and she SHOULD be ashamed of herself. I'm sure she's not, and instead sitting high on false pedestal. You just keep doing right by your children.

Quoting D.O.E.:

well it was ONE of the reasons, but the main reason is; it's not easy being a single mom, it was scary, i wasn't ready, and he acted like he was changing for the better. things were good for awhile. i made vows, and i wanted to keep them. but i am living a life where we are just going through the motions, there is no substance to our relationship, no tenderness, no passion. he doesn't say more than a few words to me each day, i try to talk to him and i get shut down. my home ISN'T chaotic, it is simply blah. there is no yelling or fighting, we dont care enough to yell or fight. we are glorified room mates, thats all. i don't "treat" him badly at all, but i am sick of being treated like a peice of furniture, i am sick of feeling sad everytime i see my friends post on fb about how great their hubby's are, or the sweet things they do for each other. i am sick of feeling sad when i see other couples laugh and joke around, because they actually enjoy being around each other. 

i am working on ensuring that i can actually provide my kids with a good future and stable home. and i highly doubt if we do divorce, that i will ever even WANT to be in another relationship. 

so take your judgmental ass and stfu. i was shocked and a little bit sickened to realise i was pregnant, it wasn't in my game plan, but i am not aborting, i am bringing my child into this world and i will love and care for him as i do my other children. 

but i want my boys to grow up with either a good posative role model of a healthy relationship, or none at all. i dont want them to end up like him. emotionaly dead. unable to communicate. 

and i reallllllllly don't care if my sil's hate me, i just dont give a flying fuck.

Quoting mom-super-2:

Why did you get back with your dh if you are just going to leave him again. Is it just because you couldn't make it on your own? Now you are bringing another helpless human being into your chaotic home. No wonder why your inlaws hate you. I would too if you treated my brother that way.






D.O.E.
by on Dec. 11, 2012 at 5:26 PM
1 mom liked this

we barely talk, we barely touch, we barely acknowledge the others existance. and it wasn't me who started this trend.....i am just sick of trying and getting no where, so i give up. happily? not so much. and i honestly don't think he is happy with me either. 

i honestly think he would be happiest if he was a bachelor who got to play COD into the wee hours of the night and eat take out for all his meals.

Quoting little.worthen:

That's a good plan, but also really sad you're planning for your future divorce while you're still "happily" married..


sucker4myloves
by on Dec. 11, 2012 at 5:34 PM

You're welcome. I wish you the best.

Quoting D.O.E.:

thank you, i needed to hear that.

Quoting sucker4myloves:

You'd be a fool to leave in a hurry again, since there's no violence going on. You're doing the right thing by preparing. It's a loveless marriage, you are not obligated to stay, nor are you obligated to just up and leave without preparation. Do what you gotta do to be a success for your children.

Quoting D.O.E.:

thank you, when i left last summer, i was in an emotional spiral, i was actually really emotionaly unstable, due to my sister shooting herself and the way his family turned around and treated me, on top of all the little things, i just lost it for awhile. i went off without a plan, and thats never a good idea. i don't want to end up in that position again. so i am getting my classes, and i will get a good job, and if things dont get better, at least i know i have a plan to leave. 

i can't keep doing this, it is so depressing. he doesn't care about anything, the only emotions other than blah that he shows are frustration and anger, and i need more than that. or nothing at all.

Quoting sucker4myloves:

You tell them. You don't have to justify yourself to anybody, so don't let her get under your skin. That is so very ugly, and she SHOULD be ashamed of herself. I'm sure she's not, and instead sitting high on false pedestal. You just keep doing right by your children.

Quoting D.O.E.:

well it was ONE of the reasons, but the main reason is; it's not easy being a single mom, it was scary, i wasn't ready, and he acted like he was changing for the better. things were good for awhile. i made vows, and i wanted to keep them. but i am living a life where we are just going through the motions, there is no substance to our relationship, no tenderness, no passion. he doesn't say more than a few words to me each day, i try to talk to him and i get shut down. my home ISN'T chaotic, it is simply blah. there is no yelling or fighting, we dont care enough to yell or fight. we are glorified room mates, thats all. i don't "treat" him badly at all, but i am sick of being treated like a peice of furniture, i am sick of feeling sad everytime i see my friends post on fb about how great their hubby's are, or the sweet things they do for each other. i am sick of feeling sad when i see other couples laugh and joke around, because they actually enjoy being around each other. 

i am working on ensuring that i can actually provide my kids with a good future and stable home. and i highly doubt if we do divorce, that i will ever even WANT to be in another relationship. 

so take your judgmental ass and stfu. i was shocked and a little bit sickened to realise i was pregnant, it wasn't in my game plan, but i am not aborting, i am bringing my child into this world and i will love and care for him as i do my other children. 

but i want my boys to grow up with either a good posative role model of a healthy relationship, or none at all. i dont want them to end up like him. emotionaly dead. unable to communicate. 

and i reallllllllly don't care if my sil's hate me, i just dont give a flying fuck.

Quoting mom-super-2:

Why did you get back with your dh if you are just going to leave him again. Is it just because you couldn't make it on your own? Now you are bringing another helpless human being into your chaotic home. No wonder why your inlaws hate you. I would too if you treated my brother that way.







MAINSTREAM MOMS Wanna escape the crunch? Join us!

REDNECK MOMMIES Join to commune with your fellow country mamas!



mom-super-2
by Member on Dec. 11, 2012 at 5:34 PM
2 moms liked this
There is this wonderful thing called birth control. If you didn't want another child maybe you should have done a a little research on that topic.

If you are so sad, unhappy and jealous of your facebook friends maybe marriage counseling is a better idea. I am not trying to be a bitch but it seems like you are just stringing him along for your financial benefit. Have you told him that you are thinking about leaving. I wouldn't give him an ultimatium but I would lay all my feelings on the table. Obviously he can't communicate well. Between the two of you and some counseling I think the communication could be improved. Maybe you have to tell him exactly what you wsnt from him. For example if you just need a kiss after he gets home from work and a 10 minute conversation to makke you happy that is easily achievable. I really suggest counseling before just walking out. There are two people in a relationship marriage is work. The first 5 years is the hardest.
D.O.E.
by on Dec. 11, 2012 at 5:40 PM

he knows all these things. we have already been through all of this, a few times. more than enough times. if he is so obtuse as to not know just how unhappy i am, then whatever.  i am sick of talking to a brick wall, and at $90 a pop, he won't go for counselling, and to be frank, there is no fixing an emotionaly dead person. he has no useful emotions. none.

and he has no problem having hour long chats with his guy friends on the phone or via text, he has no problem chatting up strangers, but with me? i try talking to him about the baby? virtually no response, maybe a grunt. i try talking to him about my plans for us to be more finacialy secure? no response. try talking to him about our finances? well thats just fucking ridiculous.....his favorite response "what am i supposed to do about it?" or "i don't know" or grunts. 

when there is an issue that we need to be addressing as a couple, and figuring out as a couple, together, i am left to figure shit out on my own. i am sick of it.

Quoting mom-super-2:

There is this wonderful thing called birth control. If you didn't want another child maybe you should have done a a little research on that topic.

If you are so sad, unhappy and jealous of your facebook friends maybe marriage counseling is a better idea. I am not trying to be a bitch but it seems like you are just stringing him along for your financial benefit. Have you told him that you are thinking about leaving. I wouldn't give him an ultimatium but I would lay all my feelings on the table. Obviously he can't communicate well. Between the two of you and some counseling I think the communication could be improved. Maybe you have to tell him exactly what you wsnt from him. For example if you just need a kiss after he gets home from work and a 10 minute conversation to makke you happy that is easily achievable. I really suggest counseling before just walking out. There are two people in a relationship marriage is work. The first 5 years is the hardest.


D.O.E.
by on Dec. 11, 2012 at 5:40 PM

also; mom-super-2; stfu about my unborn child.

HouseMa
by on Dec. 11, 2012 at 5:42 PM

I THINK the Dodge Ram has a button called the eco button.  It helps immensely in gas consumption.

My 2012 Grand Caravan has it.  We, at one point, had it down to 7.2 liters used per 100 kilometeres.

We can get to and from my parents on one tank of gas...my parents live 350 miles from me.  In American-ese 150 kilometers. 

Check it out...it might be okay. 

Quoting D.O.E.:

i know.

we owe $30,000 on the escape. it's worth $20,000.  that is a lot of negative equity. the only people who can actually get rid of that negative equity is dodge, by putting me in a dodge ram truck, with $13,000 in rebates because of the deal they have with dh's place of employment. 

and i cannot afford the gas for a fuckin dodge ram :( i dont know what to do with the damn thing. and when baby is here, we will have to use 2 cars to go anywhere as a family when hunter is here.... (smaller wouldn't exactly work but damn i wish i could, i really fuckin do)

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)