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Love will Prevail in the face of evil.

Posted by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 10:35 AM
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In February 1993 I was a young girl, barely out of my teens. On TV we watched in horror as the Branch Davidian went up in flames. 76 people died there, but I was young and I could only shake my head and go on with my life. 

It was in those days I felt safe, I believed in good, and that evil was something we could fight. Then April 1995 happened. 

It was early, I was sitting on the couch watching News 9 out of OKC, my daughter was only 8 months old and she and the dog were giggling and playing on the floor. That's when I felt the earth shake, and before my eyes, I watched my peaceful Oklahoma landscape darken. 168 died, I forget how many others were injured. I had friends, and family in that building. Dear God, it just couldn't be happening.

We cried, and we built memorials, rejoiced in those that lived, mourned those who died, and the monster's name became a household bad word. I watched as Oklahoma coped, I learned to breathe again with Oklahoma, and yet the scars of that day, they are still here, they still hurt. 

When Columbine happened, my son was a month old, my daughter in kindergarten. I remember rushing to the school and hugging her and taking her home to make homemade banana splits. I remember the years of terror until even that faded to where I believed school was safe again. 

Then 9/11 happened. It happened to us all. My cousin was in Tower two that day. He had just arrived at work, just walked into the WTC for his day, he was running late because his little girl puked on him before he could leave the house. In the months and years after that, I knew America wasn't safe. I saw it, even in Oklahoma, I saw things that left me breathless, things that horrified me, and they were done by Americans. 

As the years, and the tragedies continue, each one leaving me a little more cynical, a little less trusting, each one reminding me to hug my children, to make sure my family is ok on a daily basis. Everyday I worry -even if just slightly- that next time it could be my family, next time it could be worse. 

When the Ft. Hood shooting happened, I rushed to call my stepchildren, who lived on Ft. Hood at the time. Ft Hood is when I stopped crying, it's when I finally got mad. 

When Aurora happened, I refused to watch, refused to see the victims, hear the storied, to associate, because honestly, my soul can't do it anymore.

Before Friday, the teenagers at my daughter's school made me think what rotten adults they will be to deal with. Attitude everywhere, but this morning as I waited to drop her off, all I could see was babies, and wonder, what have we done? What have we left our children? Chaos and pain and fear. 

Little Grace McDonnell, with those blue eyes and painfully straight blond hair, her little eyes haunt me. You see, my niece and Grace could be twins.

You see, I went from blind rage anger, from fear and sorrow, to something else now. Now, I'm afraid we've lost the core of what made us so good. When OKC happened, Oklahomans were together. When 9/11 happened, America joined hands.

When Sandy Hook happened, we almost immediately began fighting, my side is more right than your side, We have the fear, we have the sorrow, we cry and we still hope and pray our children are safe, but at the same time, the unity of us is gone. 

To fix it, to save us, we as a country are going to have to believe in the good that is still here. We need to focus, not on the crime, but on all the good of the victims. I know we need to know why he did this, but honestly, there aren't any answers that will satisfy our hearts. I have answers for OKC, and yet, I still can't make sense of it in my heart. 

We have to begin to focus on the good things, even in the midst of evil of horror, to keep our own hearts and souls whole. We have to remember Vicki Soto, the teacher that gave her life to save her students. We have to remember Dawn and Anne, and Mary, who selflessly gave their lives to protect the students. 

We have to focus on little Jessica- who left little sweet notes all over for her parents, and sweet angelic Grace, who was the ultimate girly girl. We have to remember the sweet voice of Ana as she sang with her brother. Emilie who just learning portuguese and whose father tearfully told us so much about her, we have to remember Olivia and her beautiful sense of humor.

We have to remember the boys, typical little boys who loved all the things little boys love, Dillian, Jesse, Noah and their infectious smiles.

We have to remember the ones who we don't know much about, and we have to remember, that the sun is up today, and that life will go on. We have to take the lesson of loving each other, of showing that love, of banding together to fight the evil in this world.

We have to go back to Love, because we can outlaw guns, or lock mentally ill people away, we can outlaw fertilizer, or become afraid of an entire race, and in all those instances, evil will win.

But if we love, if we look for the good, and stop being so torn apart, we are strong enough as a people, as a country, to find the answers to stop these tragedies.

Before all the tragedies , all I knew in my life was love, love from my parents, love from teachers, love from my community. It didn't stop everything, but it definitely kept us strong.  

Let our teachers love again. Let there be hope again. 

I wish everyone a peaceful, boring, and non-newsworthy day. 

by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 10:35 AM
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