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husband upset with me for talking to son about ct shooting

Posted by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 10:19 PM
  • 27 Replies

I wasn't going to tell my 6 year old 1st grader about the shooting...We didn't watch the news the whole weekend because I didn't want him to know. But It was brought up by someone that he might hear about it at school from other kids and who knows what he would actually hear from them.

So I figured it would be better if I told himself -that i could reassure him better than just hearing about it. So we talked about it on the way to school. All I told him that a bad man went into a elemteary school in ct and shot a bunch of people-most of them kids and they died. I did bring up his step-brother who died two years ago in a car accident to emphasize that they were dead. He said he was said but mostly because of Daniel. Well when he got home from school-he had a note from his teacher about how he kept bringing it up to the teacher-and how he felt safe at school because the police station is across the street (I mentioned that I couldn't promise that it wouldn;t happen there but that they were lucky because his school was across the street from the police station) so she sent him to the guidance counselor and he was fine after that-he never mentioned it to me again-and hasn't brought it up again-I briefly asked him how he felt about it after I read the note and he said he was sad for the kids...

my husband saw the note and asked me where the hell did he hear it from? I told him that I was the one that told him and my reasons why.. He said any parent that would tell their kids about was stupid in nicer terms.

I don't know maybe I should have said something beforehand so he didn't have the questions so the note didnt get sent home or maybe I shouldn't have said anything and maybe he would never have known... I feel stupid for having told him and like a bad parent

Mom to one and step-mom to 3, Step-grandma to Olivia Kaylene and to Anna Lea. RIP Daniel Lee Burchett (4-13-92/9-11-10)

by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 10:19 PM
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Replies (1-10):
frndlyfn
by Emerald Member on Dec. 18, 2012 at 10:24 PM

You did what you felt was the right thing to do and since he has lost a sibling already I think he will be ok hearing about something else that is tragic.

augsmom
by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 10:30 PM

We were at my friends house on Friday night and the husband muted the TV, but didn't realize that my 8 year old could read really fast and she read all the headlines.  We talked.  I told her not to bring it up at school.  I hate sending her to school this week.

stormflower21
by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 10:35 PM

I think we all hate having to send our kids to school this week-I got tears in my eyes every time I see the flags at half-mast

Love2Cuddle
by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 10:36 PM
You're not a bad parent. I didn't tell my son about the school shooting. I did tell him in an emergency to always listen to the teacher and to make sure he stays safe. It's very sad that as patents we have to discuss these type of situations with our children. I assured my ds that everyone in school does everything they can to make sure they're safe but sometimes there could be someone that makes very poor choices. They could try and hurt kids in school. I personally am very honest with my kids. They have to be aware that there are people that make bad choices. I take it as an opportunity to be able to discuss this with my kids and so they can ask me questions.
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GaleJ
by Silver Member on Dec. 18, 2012 at 10:38 PM

I think you did the correct thing and that there will probably be a number of that kind of note in the coming weeks all over the country. The teacher is just letting you know as he/she should be doing. Our children are going to take some time, as we all are, to process this and there may be some bumps in the road until we all do. Don't beat yourself up, these are tough subjects and as long as you are being honest and follow up by monitoring your child you have done the best that could be done.

_WC_Mama
by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 10:47 PM


Quoting frndlyfn:

You did what you felt was the right thing to do and since he has lost a sibling already I think he will be ok hearing about something else that is tragic.


mama2beautiesnb
by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 10:49 PM
I haven't and won't be telling my 7 yr old first grader unless she asks me about it. No need to alarm her. Now as for the rest, i would definitly not have said anything to my child after discussing it with dh and deciding we wouldn't say anything. Even if i changed my mind i'd have another talk with dh before actually saying anything.
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coolmommy2x
by Ruby Member on Dec. 18, 2012 at 10:53 PM
I think it was OK to tell him but if you and DH agreed not to, you should have talked to him when you changed your mind. And if it was a spur of the moment decision, you should have told him before he saw the note.
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kansasmom1978
by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 11:00 PM

Well I think your husband is an asshole. I was told by a guidance counselor I should not bring it up. But answer any questions my kids had. I did not shield them from the news, but we did not leave it on the news. We watched ABC Family all weekend for that reason. They were sad, and asked questions, I only told them what they needed to know. No graphic details. The biggest issue has been the media tossing around the aspergers label. My son is autistic and is now worried that someone he knows will do that. I don't think you were stupid. 

stormflower21
by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 11:07 PM

After I told him my explantion of why I said it-he never said anything so maybe he got why I said it-I don't remember us actually verbally saying we wouldn't say anything to him-me and him discussed certain aspects of what was going on-I am sure my so was listening-we never said what actually happened in front of him or that involved kids in an elementary school

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