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Mother moved in w/ us...help! :(

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OK ladies, I *really* need some help here! Responses appreciated! This is a little lengthy, sorry :-/

So I'm 23, married, have a 2 yr old dd, and am 13 wks pregnant. I'm a SAHM and we moved over 1,000 miles away from our home state because my husbands job allowed us to live anywhere and we chose to leave!

My 46 year old Mother basically invited herself to move cross country and come live with us. I didn't really think she'd come because she never does what she says, but then she shows up here...with a u haul. Since the day she got here it has been nothing but misery for me. Snide remarks, complaining, talking badly over and over and over. I'm a push-over, I'll admit it, so I usually grit my teeth and keep my mouth shut. Sometimes I'll say something and she'll get mad and say something hurtful and/or storm off to her "room". She's here with no job and no leads on jobs, she only knows us here. I have NO idea why she came up here, have NO idea how long she's planning on living with us, and NO idea what her plan is. It's not like I can just kick her out...she has no money to her name and home is 1,000 miles away. So what can I do? I am losing my freak in mind! She's making me and my Husband agitated and unhappy. What would you do??? Here are some examples of the crap that happens:

She gets here and there's dirty dishes in the sink and the house isn't vacuumed (I was up ALL night for black Friday) so yes, the house was a little dirty, nothing abnormal for anyone. She breaks into tears screaming how "filthy" it is and says "I bet CPS would have something to say about it." Umm, no they would probably laugh in your face.

My Husband works A LOT and our dd called me "mommy" and my DH says "you should say daddy more" and my mom butts in with "why would she ever say daddy when you spend no time with her?" And then she makes comments to him such as "I'd think you'd want to spend time with your family!" Hello lady?!?!? This is the man that's basically taking care of you now.

She calls me stupid when I gave my dd whipped cream on Christmas and then threatened to throw my cheesecake in the trash. Same night I get yelled at by her that I'm a bad mother, I'm cold, and basically an idiot for not parenting exactly as she says...which by the way wasn't that great.

She has re arranged my entire kitchen because it "wasn't good enough"! I had to spend 10 min trying to find my coffee can! Also re arranged my dd's room.

Ever since she gotten here my dd screams sometimes in her room after I put her down for bed. My mom rushes in there within seconds. I have asked and even yelled at her not to do this. I then get told I'm a bad mother and she goes in anyway. I told her she only started doing this once she moved in, but she doesn't believe me. She does not respect anything about our parenting. My dd now whines, screams all the time where as just 2 months ago she rarely did this.

She has tried snatching dd out of my arms when she was upset.

When I try to comfort dd when she gets hurt I get told to hug her even though I'm already doing it. It is then "not a good enough hug" and she tells dd to come to her.

She stands behind me and supervises me constantly. She stands there when I get dd dressed, when I cook...anything. Sometimes she'll butt in *while* I'm dressing her, take the clothes and start doing it herself.

She tells dd almost every other day that "mommy and daddy don't love you."

She makes comments to dd so that I can hear them like "You shouldn't walk around without socks. The carpets filthy (Its BROWN carpet and I just freak in shampooed it.) There's probably cat shit on it!!" What the...WE DONT EVEN OWN A CAT!!!!!!!

She is always walking into DH and It's room, even when the door is shut.

She re cleans things I've already cleaned then complains that she has to clean everything.

Our lease is up in august 2013 and she has said things to me like "well maybe we can find a better house when your lease is up." WE?!?! Noooo.

I have no siblings and before she moved in with us she lived with my 70 year old grandma in her one bedroom off and on for the last like 8 years! So it's not like I can "pawn her off" on someone else. She's making us crazy. I'm afraid one day my Husband will just snap at her and afraid I'll do the same. There's no talking to this woman...she gets so offensive and pouts and makes everyone miserable. When she's not bitching or trying to take over as mom she slumps on the couch all day watching TV...I know she's not even looking for a job. I'm stressed and panicked. Ladies I need help! Please! Advice? Opinions? Similar situations/outcomes? Anything! Thank you!

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
by on Dec. 30, 2012 at 4:27 PM
Replies (11-20):
bellaamore
by on Dec. 30, 2012 at 4:54 PM

The first time she told my child we didnt love her, she would be out on her ass.


Die out there for all i care.

ColieO
by I Rock on Dec. 30, 2012 at 4:54 PM
1 mom liked this
Stop being a push over and tell her to get out.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
smurfy88
by Bronze Member on Dec. 30, 2012 at 4:55 PM
1 mom liked this
What's worse, standing up to your mom and tellin her to leave or having your daughter start to believe her parents don't love her anymore.
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PISCIS29
by Bronze Member on Dec. 30, 2012 at 5:01 PM
Time To kick her ass out. Before your dh decides to get out. As much as she is your mother and forgive me for saying this but she is being a bitch. Send her back to where she came from
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frndlyfn
by Emerald Member on Dec. 30, 2012 at 5:01 PM

kick her out point blank.   Tell her she needs to contribute ot the family or leave.  Talk to the adult services in your area about getting her help so she isnt in your home.

supermomz25
by on Dec. 30, 2012 at 5:02 PM

my mom lives with us, mind you she is 71 years old but she has a job, she pays her way and she helps out with the kids. she never undermines me or my husband or how we do things.

my best advise is to sit her down with your husband and tell her to get her shit together or get the hell out. neither of you should be putting up with this nonsense.

Master_Debater
by on Dec. 30, 2012 at 5:05 PM
Kick her out!
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crystalplus1
by Bronze Member on Dec. 30, 2012 at 5:06 PM

Lay down the law, make rules she has to follow or tell her she will have to go back to where she was before.

WarriorMum
by on Dec. 30, 2012 at 5:12 PM

10 years on.. your children avoid being at home, your husband is long gone and you are cleaning your mothers backside. Sound like a good idea now?  I had a grandma just like your mother, that bitch tore our family apart yet my father allowed her to stay. He sits alone now...

Get that woman out of your house now before you loose everything. She was capable of driving 1,000 miles, she is capable of driving her destructive arse elsewhere. You are not responsible for her.

lil_Army_Wife05
by on Dec. 30, 2012 at 6:10 PM
It will go on as long as you allow her to stay with you!
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