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Mother moved in w/! :(

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OK ladies, I *really* need some help here! Responses appreciated! This is a little lengthy, sorry :-/

So I'm 23, married, have a 2 yr old dd, and am 13 wks pregnant. I'm a SAHM and we moved over 1,000 miles away from our home state because my husbands job allowed us to live anywhere and we chose to leave!

My 46 year old Mother basically invited herself to move cross country and come live with us. I didn't really think she'd come because she never does what she says, but then she shows up here...with a u haul. Since the day she got here it has been nothing but misery for me. Snide remarks, complaining, talking badly over and over and over. I'm a push-over, I'll admit it, so I usually grit my teeth and keep my mouth shut. Sometimes I'll say something and she'll get mad and say something hurtful and/or storm off to her "room". She's here with no job and no leads on jobs, she only knows us here. I have NO idea why she came up here, have NO idea how long she's planning on living with us, and NO idea what her plan is. It's not like I can just kick her out...she has no money to her name and home is 1,000 miles away. So what can I do? I am losing my freak in mind! She's making me and my Husband agitated and unhappy. What would you do??? Here are some examples of the crap that happens:

She gets here and there's dirty dishes in the sink and the house isn't vacuumed (I was up ALL night for black Friday) so yes, the house was a little dirty, nothing abnormal for anyone. She breaks into tears screaming how "filthy" it is and says "I bet CPS would have something to say about it." Umm, no they would probably laugh in your face.

My Husband works A LOT and our dd called me "mommy" and my DH says "you should say daddy more" and my mom butts in with "why would she ever say daddy when you spend no time with her?" And then she makes comments to him such as "I'd think you'd want to spend time with your family!" Hello lady?!?!? This is the man that's basically taking care of you now.

She calls me stupid when I gave my dd whipped cream on Christmas and then threatened to throw my cheesecake in the trash. Same night I get yelled at by her that I'm a bad mother, I'm cold, and basically an idiot for not parenting exactly as she says...which by the way wasn't that great.

She has re arranged my entire kitchen because it "wasn't good enough"! I had to spend 10 min trying to find my coffee can! Also re arranged my dd's room.

Ever since she gotten here my dd screams sometimes in her room after I put her down for bed. My mom rushes in there within seconds. I have asked and even yelled at her not to do this. I then get told I'm a bad mother and she goes in anyway. I told her she only started doing this once she moved in, but she doesn't believe me. She does not respect anything about our parenting. My dd now whines, screams all the time where as just 2 months ago she rarely did this.

She has tried snatching dd out of my arms when she was upset.

When I try to comfort dd when she gets hurt I get told to hug her even though I'm already doing it. It is then "not a good enough hug" and she tells dd to come to her.

She stands behind me and supervises me constantly. She stands there when I get dd dressed, when I cook...anything. Sometimes she'll butt in *while* I'm dressing her, take the clothes and start doing it herself.

She tells dd almost every other day that "mommy and daddy don't love you."

She makes comments to dd so that I can hear them like "You shouldn't walk around without socks. The carpets filthy (Its BROWN carpet and I just freak in shampooed it.) There's probably cat shit on it!!" What the...WE DONT EVEN OWN A CAT!!!!!!!

She is always walking into DH and It's room, even when the door is shut.

She re cleans things I've already cleaned then complains that she has to clean everything.

Our lease is up in august 2013 and she has said things to me like "well maybe we can find a better house when your lease is up." WE?!?! Noooo.

I have no siblings and before she moved in with us she lived with my 70 year old grandma in her one bedroom off and on for the last like 8 years! So it's not like I can "pawn her off" on someone else. She's making us crazy. I'm afraid one day my Husband will just snap at her and afraid I'll do the same. There's no talking to this woman...she gets so offensive and pouts and makes everyone miserable. When she's not bitching or trying to take over as mom she slumps on the couch all day watching TV...I know she's not even looking for a job. I'm stressed and panicked. Ladies I need help! Please! Advice? Opinions? Similar situations/outcomes? Anything! Thank you!

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
by on Dec. 30, 2012 at 4:27 PM
Replies (81-89):
by on Dec. 31, 2012 at 1:04 PM


Well, tell the OP to stop being a pussy punching bag and tell mommy dearest to get the fuck out of her house asap.

Ta da.

Quoting goldilocksbecky:

It's not HIS mother, it's HERS.

Quoting sampson200:

It's your husband's job to inform his mother of the time frame she must move out and have her own place and a job.

Tell her she has up to two months to get out of there.

It will suck, but you both need to tell her to either conform to your house rules, or she is happily free to leave.

by Silver Member on Dec. 31, 2012 at 1:08 PM

Pack her stuff and tell her to go back to her mom's.

by Bronze Member on Dec. 31, 2012 at 1:09 PM

 Somewhere to go or not, I'd be kicking her out. Especially with the crap she says to your daughter, not cool at all.

by on Dec. 31, 2012 at 1:13 PM

for her to be so much better than you, why is she having to stay with you or her mom? When was it ok for her to not act like an adult and be out on her own?

by Bronze Member on Dec. 31, 2012 at 4:00 PM

She doesn´t even have to yell or say it in a rude tone. The message is clear and simple enough for her MIL to understand it. I HOPE she can put a stop to it. This is not a healthy situation for anyone besides the MIL, who is obviously enjoying torturing and abusing the people around her. The people, who are taking care of her, on top of that. 

Quoting TheMommyTaxi:

This - well worded and very clear!

Quoting AtillaTheHun:

There is no way in HELL I would live like this. Did your husband allow her to move in? 

I´d tell her "Look, this is MY house, not yours. This is MY daughter, not yours. You live off OUR money, not yours. So I suggest you stop with this whole crap you are doing, and act according to what you are. You are a GUEST in my house. You don´t own it, you don´t pay for it, you are a guest. Nothing more, and nothing less. I will no longer tolerate your demeaning tone, your abuse, your insults, your interfering with my family, my household, and my life. If you don´t like it, THERE IS THE DOOR. I don´t care where you go, how you get there, and what you do after that. This is MY house and MY rules apply." If she keeps bitching, give her a few days to pack up her shit and kick her out. Do not allow her to interrupt you. If she tries just repeat "I am talking now, and you will listen."

by Stefanie on Dec. 31, 2012 at 4:47 PM

I'm sorry.  I'm glad my mom isn't like that.  My MiL is though.  Don't get me started on her...

by on Dec. 31, 2012 at 6:18 PM
1 mom liked this

My personal breaking point would have been 'mommy and daddy don't love you'. F THAT. Give her a time limit to find an apartment and a job. If she fails to comply, simply boot her. Don't feel sorry doing it, because your child(ren) come first! Period. Whats going to happen when the new little one arrives? If what she's done already is any indication, she'll most likely take your baby and create a mother/child bond with them, which is what YOU need to be doing and no one else. Stand your ground mama, and DONT BACK DOWN. Create a united front with your husband and run with it. If you don't you will lose everything that is rightfully yours. If you need to, ask advice from the local police department to see what your legal options are. What she's doing to your daughter is mental abuse, and should NEVER be tolerated.

by on Dec. 31, 2012 at 7:08 PM
Grow some balls and tell her she has to go. She is going to be the cause of your marriage ending if you're not careful.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Dec. 31, 2012 at 7:25 PM
1 mom liked this

Is she on the lease?  If not, tell her the owner's said you will be evicted if she doesn't leave.  If you think she won't believe you, then contact the owner and ask them to give you a letter stating just that.  Most leases have provisions for guests, but it is usually limited to two weeks.  She has surpassed that and needs to go.  This way, it is out of your hands and you aren't responsible for her having to leave.  WIN!

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