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I can't be in this marriage anymore :( update...

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Please bare with me. We have been married 6 years, we have two kids and I'm 33w pregnant with number 3. Over the past two years my husband has changed, a few years ago he just up and left for no reason and I didn't hear from him until he came home 6 days later, he had been at his mothers. Bottom line I now have extreme anxiety if I don't hear back from him. He does whatever he wants, I don't remember the last time we had a real conversation. This baby I'm pregnant with he didn't want me to keep, I feel like he resents me for keeping him. Tonight he's out for New Years, no idea where, wont return messages or phone calls and I am in tears. This isn't the full story but I hate feeling like this, I feel like he just doesn't care, the only time we interact is during sex. I feel alone and I'm scared of what ill become if I leave him, I'm unhappy now but I'm afraid of becoming depressed and anxious if I leave. He probably wouldn't even care. I always pretend to be in a happy marriage but here it is, this is how it really is. I just needed to get this out. Thank you to anyone who read this

UPDATE
So I packed up and left with the kids yesterday and went to my parents. They have helped out with the kids while I have some time to sort things out in my mind. I finally lost it and told dh exactly how it is. We're are seeing each other Sunday to talk, I will tell him everything, how I feel, everything. I will finally stand up for myself. Ill also ask him what he wants and get to the bottom of that finally and go from there. But I think this will be it, after I see him Sunday I don't think there will be any going back
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by on Dec. 31, 2012 at 6:47 AM
Replies (91-100):
lovelove211
by Silver Member on Jan. 1, 2013 at 9:43 PM
Thanks momma


Quoting momofsixangels:

He is treating you like crap.You and your kids deserve better,Hugs!


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lovelove211
by Silver Member on Jan. 1, 2013 at 9:44 PM
Thank you, I actually hadn't even thought about that stuff


Quoting extentions:

Dear mom,,b4 you take the next MOVE,  u must be sure on how to grow up the 3 kids alone,,,

(Eonomically), pls talk to the SOCIAL WELFARE ASSISTANCE office,, or talk to an Advocate so that if later u decide to walk out,, youll not suffer FINACIALLY !good luck


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lovelove211
by Silver Member on Jan. 1, 2013 at 9:45 PM
I hope one day there is someone else out there for me but I think it's going to take me a very long time to be able to trust someone again


Quoting rhope4:

And I am no hero. I am just one of many women who have been through abuse and desire to show those still in it that they are being lied to by their abusers. Tjey ARE women of worth, and they are stronger than they themselves realize. I am also living proof that happiness CAN BE HAD after abuse. Most recommend not to get into another relationship for at least a year after leaving, but I am the rare one where it worked. I have been with Jimmy for six years and married to him five. The only regret I have is that it did not happen sooner. That is him with me in my avatar.

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lovelove211
by Silver Member on Jan. 1, 2013 at 9:46 PM
I think that's the root of the cause, I have anxiety since that and I'm not sure i trust him


Quoting la_bella_vita:

 I'm sorry to hear this : (  I know it sounds scary but it sounds like it's time to leave. I don't think he will ever change and it sounds like you've been hurt enough.


I can't imagine dealing with that. I've watched a friend go through something similar. Her husband disappeared once for 5 days and she couldn't get over it. They ended up splitting up. Obviously, I don't know if that is the main reason but I know it helped ruin their marriage.


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lovelove211
by Silver Member on Jan. 1, 2013 at 9:47 PM
Thank you so much. This is my only outlet, my friends hate him so they wouldn't take the time to consider how hard it is for me right now


Quoting chemmom83:

HEY, BEEN THERE DONE THAT. IT SEEMS HARD AT 1ST, BUT YOU ARE OUNG AND AWHOLE LIFE AHEAD OF YOU, PLUS 3 OTHERS WHO NEED YOU TO KEEP IT TOGETHER. I HAVE RE-INVENTED MY SELF AT LEAST 3X DUE TO DIVORCE, 2 WHO WERE CHEATING . A GOOD AUTHOR TO READ AND HELP YOU GET GROUNDED IS ECKHART TOLLE, HE SAYS HAPPINESS IS A TEMPORARY THING , BUT PEACE IS FOREVER. WE HAVE TO GET CONTROLL OF OUR MIND (THOUGHTS) BECAUSE IT IS WHAT TAKES US TOO DARK PLACES. I JUST RECENTLY WENT THROUGH A DIVORCE, 3 MTHS AGO. TALK TILL YOU CAN'T TALK ANYMORE, WE ARE ALL HERE FOR YOU. 


              LOVE, AND PEACE BE WITH YOU;IT IS A NEW YEAR CHEMMOM83


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jfalk42
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 10:01 PM

If you're not happy you have to do whatever it is to make it that way. If he doesn't make you happy anymore and isn't willing to work on it then do what you have to do. I did and I can't tell you how much happier I am. I know it's a tough decision and not to be made lightly, so like I did make absolute sure it won't work anymore and make your decision based on that and what you really want.

And if you're afraid of how your children will react don't, it may sound selfish but its not. You're children will adapt and as long as you love them they will make through this tough change as you will. 


Just remember, you get one life and its up to you to make it what you want. Good luck to you and I he it all works out for you in the end. 

dmralph
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 10:07 PM
1 mom liked this

He is treating your marriage not as a marriage. He is acting like a single man, if he loved his family, he would have planned a family event or you could have introduced a planned event.If had no right to leave his family. Everybody needs time away from each other. But in marriage communication is vital and he does not respect you (meaning love you or support the marriage//.Men are more prone to a time management schedule every single day, You have to plan it out for them, including family function. He needs a reality check and you need to ask yourself are you going to stop believing him when he tells you what u want to hear.Actions speak louder than words. Anybody can f..k but it takes a real man who wants the gift of fatherhood..

lovelove211
by Silver Member on Jan. 1, 2013 at 10:19 PM
I really have no idea if he's cheated but I wouldn't be surprised if he has


Quoting nickysmom71:

He is acting like a single man - you deserve better than that.  Has he cheated on you in the past? It sounds like you really need to leave this one, sounds like he doesn't want to change for the better of his family.


You will get child and spousal support if you have stayed home taking care of the kids all this time.  If you can afford to leave or if you have family or friends that will help you until you do end up on your feet, leave. 


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lovelove211
by Silver Member on Jan. 1, 2013 at 10:20 PM
I have a good family to help me. Thank you :)


Quoting bewitchedmama:

Change is a scary thing & it will be hard but you would probably be much happier in the end. Things will get worse before they get better. I hope you have a good support system, that will make a huge difference getting you through it.


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lovelove211
by Silver Member on Jan. 1, 2013 at 10:21 PM
Thank you. I'm using all my strength to stay strong. I just had that feeling in the pit of my stomach, it's completely in knots


Quoting otoole:

oh hun. hugs, you need some time to yourself and really think about this, he is a selfish man and doesn deserve you and his kids. hugs, i hope you find the strength to leave him, hes taking advantage of you, knowing you wont leave him


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