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I can't be in this marriage anymore :( update...

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Please bare with me. We have been married 6 years, we have two kids and I'm 33w pregnant with number 3. Over the past two years my husband has changed, a few years ago he just up and left for no reason and I didn't hear from him until he came home 6 days later, he had been at his mothers. Bottom line I now have extreme anxiety if I don't hear back from him. He does whatever he wants, I don't remember the last time we had a real conversation. This baby I'm pregnant with he didn't want me to keep, I feel like he resents me for keeping him. Tonight he's out for New Years, no idea where, wont return messages or phone calls and I am in tears. This isn't the full story but I hate feeling like this, I feel like he just doesn't care, the only time we interact is during sex. I feel alone and I'm scared of what ill become if I leave him, I'm unhappy now but I'm afraid of becoming depressed and anxious if I leave. He probably wouldn't even care. I always pretend to be in a happy marriage but here it is, this is how it really is. I just needed to get this out. Thank you to anyone who read this

UPDATE
So I packed up and left with the kids yesterday and went to my parents. They have helped out with the kids while I have some time to sort things out in my mind. I finally lost it and told dh exactly how it is. We're are seeing each other Sunday to talk, I will tell him everything, how I feel, everything. I will finally stand up for myself. Ill also ask him what he wants and get to the bottom of that finally and go from there. But I think this will be it, after I see him Sunday I don't think there will be any going back
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by on Dec. 31, 2012 at 6:47 AM
Replies (21-30):
lovelove211
by Silver Member on Dec. 31, 2012 at 7:49 AM
Thank you for all of your replies
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candice0521
by Candice on Dec. 31, 2012 at 7:50 AM

You do not deserve to go through that, your better than that, you need to get yourself out, if your not going to do it for yourself do it for your kids. Everything will work out, my mother went through this a few years ago and she is now remarried to a great guy. I will be praying for you and hope you have the strenth to do what you need to. If you think you need help ask for it whether it family, friends, people from church, if you don't go to church already start going to a chuch of your choice, the people there could help you get you out of this abusive situation, if its not physical its mental from what you have stated. Good luck!

lucky2Beeme
by Platinum Member on Dec. 31, 2012 at 7:52 AM

  huge hugs momma. I am so sorry you are living this way. You really need to talk with him.If he wont hold a conversation write him a letter. Don't accuse him of things in it. Explain that you feel your marriage is in crisis and not what you would like it to be. Ask him how you both can change to have a happy lifestyle you are both comfortable with. I hope he responds well to it.

lovelove211
by Silver Member on Dec. 31, 2012 at 7:52 AM
Thank you. I'm so glad your mom had a happy ending. That really gives me hope


Quoting candice0521:

You do not deserve to go through that, your better than that, you need to get yourself out, if your not going to do it for yourself do it for your kids. Everything will work out, my mother went through this a few years ago and she is now remarried to a great guy. I will be praying for you and hope you have the strenth to do what you need to. If you think you need help ask for it whether it family, friends, people from church, if you don't go to church already start going to a chuch of your choice, the people there could help you get you out of this abusive situation, if its not physical its mental from what you have stated. Good luck!


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lapcounter
by Super Mom on Dec. 31, 2012 at 7:53 AM
I so agree,.and why weren't you using birth control!

Quoting badgirl44654:

You don't want him to resort to a murder-suicide to fix his problem do you? Teach your children that that isn't acceptable behavior, and you wil not be treated that way.
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candice0521
by Candice on Dec. 31, 2012 at 7:54 AM


Quoting lovelove211:

What do you mean by the first part? And yes about the kids you're absolutely right


Quoting badgirl44654:

You don't want him to resort to a murder-suicide to fix his problem do you? Teach your children that that isn't acceptable behavior, and you wil not be treated that way.

She means he gets upset, kills you then himself, very scary thing to think about but I work at a police dept and it does happen more than people think.

lovelove211
by Silver Member on Dec. 31, 2012 at 7:55 AM
Oh ok


Quoting candice0521:


Quoting lovelove211:

What do you mean by the first part? And yes about the kids you're absolutely right





Quoting badgirl44654:

You don't want him to resort to a murder-suicide to fix his problem do you? Teach your children that that isn't acceptable behavior, and you wil not be treated that way.


She means he gets upset, kills you then himself, very scary thing to thing about but I work at a police dept and it does happen more than people think.


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emmy526
by Emmy on Dec. 31, 2012 at 7:56 AM

You should also be scared of what you'll become if you stay...not to mention the impact on your kids this has, a man treating his wife this way.  Get some counseling, without him, as he seems to have checked out of the marriage.  You are doing yourself no favors sitting there pining for someone who can't be bothered to respect you.  And, you can file for child support and alimony.  Just because you two don't get along, doesn't mean he gets to shirk his financial responsibilities.  

Quote:

 I feel alone and I'm scared of what ill become if I leave him

lovelove211
by Silver Member on Dec. 31, 2012 at 7:57 AM
I don't think I need to explain my bc status to you but problems started after a miscarriage, there was no sex for a while then I fell pregnant.


Quoting lapcounter:

I so agree,.and why weren't you using birth control!



Quoting badgirl44654:

You don't want him to resort to a murder-suicide to fix his problem do you? Teach your children that that isn't acceptable behavior, and you wil not be treated that way.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
lovelove211
by Silver Member on Dec. 31, 2012 at 7:58 AM
You're right. I guess I just never thought I'd ever go through this. Shared custody whatever, I can't bare to be away from the kids for even a day


Quoting emmy526:

You should also be scared of what you'll become if you stay...not to mention the impact on your kids this has, a man treating his wife this way.  Get some counseling, without him, as he seems to have checked out of the marriage.  You are doing yourself no favors sitting there pining for someone who can't be bothered to respect you.  And, you can file for child support and alimony.  Just because you two don't get along, doesn't mean he gets to shirk his financial responsibilities.  

Quote:

 I feel alone and I'm scared of what ill become if I leave him



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