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I can't be in this marriage anymore :( update...

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Please bare with me. We have been married 6 years, we have two kids and I'm 33w pregnant with number 3. Over the past two years my husband has changed, a few years ago he just up and left for no reason and I didn't hear from him until he came home 6 days later, he had been at his mothers. Bottom line I now have extreme anxiety if I don't hear back from him. He does whatever he wants, I don't remember the last time we had a real conversation. This baby I'm pregnant with he didn't want me to keep, I feel like he resents me for keeping him. Tonight he's out for New Years, no idea where, wont return messages or phone calls and I am in tears. This isn't the full story but I hate feeling like this, I feel like he just doesn't care, the only time we interact is during sex. I feel alone and I'm scared of what ill become if I leave him, I'm unhappy now but I'm afraid of becoming depressed and anxious if I leave. He probably wouldn't even care. I always pretend to be in a happy marriage but here it is, this is how it really is. I just needed to get this out. Thank you to anyone who read this

UPDATE
So I packed up and left with the kids yesterday and went to my parents. They have helped out with the kids while I have some time to sort things out in my mind. I finally lost it and told dh exactly how it is. We're are seeing each other Sunday to talk, I will tell him everything, how I feel, everything. I will finally stand up for myself. Ill also ask him what he wants and get to the bottom of that finally and go from there. But I think this will be it, after I see him Sunday I don't think there will be any going back
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Dec. 31, 2012 at 6:47 AM
Replies (31-40):
emmy526
by Emmy on Dec. 31, 2012 at 8:03 AM

if he is THAT negligent in helping to take care of the kids, he gets NO partial custody....only visitation...

Quoting lovelove211:

You're right. I guess I just never thought I'd ever go through this. Shared custody whatever, I can't bare to be away from the kids for even a day


Quoting emmy526:

You should also be scared of what you'll become if you stay...not to mention the impact on your kids this has, a man treating his wife this way.  Get some counseling, without him, as he seems to have checked out of the marriage.  You are doing yourself no favors sitting there pining for someone who can't be bothered to respect you.  And, you can file for child support and alimony.  Just because you two don't get along, doesn't mean he gets to shirk his financial responsibilities.  

Quote:

 I feel alone and I'm scared of what ill become if I leave him




rhope4
by on Dec. 31, 2012 at 8:08 AM
1 mom liked this
I have never understood how the minds of abusers work, but what I DO know is that my abusive ex used to pull this same crap all the time. I used to think I was losing my mind! Then my current husband, a longtime friend, came along, and when he took me and the kids to the shelter, ex suddenly wanted to work on the marriage. But I had been in it nearly 14 years and had had enough. Yes, please do look up signs of abuse, ALL kinds of abuse. I was shocked when I did that bc he had me convinced all marriages were this way. They are not. I am married to that longtime friend now, and I have never been happier.

Quoting lovelove211:

Really? So he does this because he cares actually no likes no know I care and likes feeling like he can control me? Ill have to look up about emotional abuse




Quoting rhope4:

My ex used to do that too and wondered why I would not believe him when he said everything is all right. This is a form of emotional abuse. He is keeping you chained to him, and it would not surprise me if he suddenly wanted to work things out when you finally get your fill and leave. Sending hugs.





Quoting lovelove211:

That's the thing. He does this stuff then acts like everything is fine and somehow makes me believe the drama is all in my head an I fall for him being affectionate








Quoting kaylasmom22:

Usually when dh and I don't get along or are having issues the last thing on my mind is sex. I don't get how women sleep with their dh if there dh's are such assholes. Jmo


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lovelove211
by Silver Member on Dec. 31, 2012 at 8:22 AM
Thank you for posting this for me. I feel better knowing its not all my fault or all in my head


Quoting rhope4:

I have never understood how the minds of abusers work, but what I DO know is that my abusive ex used to pull this same crap all the time. I used to think I was losing my mind! Then my current husband, a longtime friend, came along, and when he took me and the kids to the shelter, ex suddenly wanted to work on the marriage. But I had been in it nearly 14 years and had had enough. Yes, please do look up signs of abuse, ALL kinds of abuse. I was shocked when I did that bc he had me convinced all marriages were this way. They are not. I am married to that longtime friend now, and I have never been happier.



Quoting lovelove211:

Really? So he does this because he cares actually no likes no know I care and likes feeling like he can control me? Ill have to look up about emotional abuse






Quoting rhope4:

My ex used to do that too and wondered why I would not believe him when he said everything is all right. This is a form of emotional abuse. He is keeping you chained to him, and it would not surprise me if he suddenly wanted to work things out when you finally get your fill and leave. Sending hugs.







Quoting lovelove211:

That's the thing. He does this stuff then acts like everything is fine and somehow makes me believe the drama is all in my head an I fall for him being affectionate










Quoting kaylasmom22:

Usually when dh and I don't get along or are having issues the last thing on my mind is sex. I don't get how women sleep with their dh if there dh's are such assholes. Jmo



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rhope4
by on Dec. 31, 2012 at 2:38 PM
Feel free to pm me if you need to talk. I am not an expert, but I will give advice based on my own experiences. No, you are not alone or losing yoir mind, lol.

Quoting lovelove211:

Thank you for posting this for me. I feel better knowing its not all my fault or all in my head




Quoting rhope4:

I have never understood how the minds of abusers work, but what I DO know is that my abusive ex used to pull this same crap all the time. I used to think I was losing my mind! Then my current husband, a longtime friend, came along, and when he took me and the kids to the shelter, ex suddenly wanted to work on the marriage. But I had been in it nearly 14 years and had had enough. Yes, please do look up signs of abuse, ALL kinds of abuse. I was shocked when I did that bc he had me convinced all marriages were this way. They are not. I am married to that longtime friend now, and I have never been happier.





Quoting lovelove211:

Really? So he does this because he cares actually no likes no know I care and likes feeling like he can control me? Ill have to look up about emotional abuse








Quoting rhope4:

My ex used to do that too and wondered why I would not believe him when he said everything is all right. This is a form of emotional abuse. He is keeping you chained to him, and it would not surprise me if he suddenly wanted to work things out when you finally get your fill and leave. Sending hugs.









Quoting lovelove211:

That's the thing. He does this stuff then acts like everything is fine and somehow makes me believe the drama is all in my head an I fall for him being affectionate












Quoting kaylasmom22:

Usually when dh and I don't get along or are having issues the last thing on my mind is sex. I don't get how women sleep with their dh if there dh's are such assholes. Jmo



Posted on CafeMom Mobile
rhope4
by on Dec. 31, 2012 at 2:38 PM
Feel free to pm me if you need to talk. I am not an expert, but I will give advice based on my own experiences. No, you are not alone or losing yoir mind, lol.

Quoting lovelove211:

Thank you for posting this for me. I feel better knowing its not all my fault or all in my head




Quoting rhope4:

I have never understood how the minds of abusers work, but what I DO know is that my abusive ex used to pull this same crap all the time. I used to think I was losing my mind! Then my current husband, a longtime friend, came along, and when he took me and the kids to the shelter, ex suddenly wanted to work on the marriage. But I had been in it nearly 14 years and had had enough. Yes, please do look up signs of abuse, ALL kinds of abuse. I was shocked when I did that bc he had me convinced all marriages were this way. They are not. I am married to that longtime friend now, and I have never been happier.





Quoting lovelove211:

Really? So he does this because he cares actually no likes no know I care and likes feeling like he can control me? Ill have to look up about emotional abuse








Quoting rhope4:

My ex used to do that too and wondered why I would not believe him when he said everything is all right. This is a form of emotional abuse. He is keeping you chained to him, and it would not surprise me if he suddenly wanted to work things out when you finally get your fill and leave. Sending hugs.









Quoting lovelove211:

That's the thing. He does this stuff then acts like everything is fine and somehow makes me believe the drama is all in my head an I fall for him being affectionate












Quoting kaylasmom22:

Usually when dh and I don't get along or are having issues the last thing on my mind is sex. I don't get how women sleep with their dh if there dh's are such assholes. Jmo



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WendyJR
by on Dec. 31, 2012 at 3:13 PM

Have you tried couples therapy?

shamroc374
by on Dec. 31, 2012 at 3:16 PM

This is advice I had to give myself today!!
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mommytam
by on Dec. 31, 2012 at 3:16 PM
*HUGS*
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coolmommy2x
by Ruby Member on Dec. 31, 2012 at 5:09 PM
1 mom liked this
this. Your kids will grow up thinking this is what a healthy, normal marriage looks like.

Quoting deenakate:

If you leave you will become a stron woman that stood up for herself.

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Alrescha
by on Dec. 31, 2012 at 7:13 PM
My divorce was final last month. After 22 years of marriage and almost all of that I was convinced there was something wrong with me. It has been hard. Extremely hard! And ill be trying to get back on my feet for a while yet.

Leaving him last February was the absolute best thing I've ever done.


Quoting lovelove211:

Thank you. In a way I'm relieved hearing people say this. He makes me feel like I'm the one with the problem not him and I over react. It's nice to know I'm not over reacting




Quoting Alrescha:

Get out now. It's hard but necessary.

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