This year was a crazy year for me and my family. We went through a lot and had some terrible lows and some amazing highs. It was the worst year of my husband and I's relationship, but the best. The worst part was my fault. I know this is the worst group to confess this in, but I need to just get it out to show how things have changed so much over the past 8 months. I don't deserve my husband at all. We let our relationship get boring, comfortable, and our time together almost nonexistent and didn't communicate about it. My husband got laid off from his job and I lost my job due to a store closing. We had no money and it was not a good time for anyone. We didn't value our time together or appreciate each other. We were just "there."
I was unfaithful to him with one of my coworkers. At the time I saw it as someone giving me attention and he just lured me in. I wasn't even thinking. It was nothing but stupidity and a huge mistake on my part. I'm not one of those "once a cheater, always a cheater" people. My husband found out and did not give me the reaction I expected. I expected a divorce and him attempting to take our kids away. Instead he was calm. Just very upset and hurt and wanted to kill the guy.
It's now eight months later and we have been trying to repair our relationship, which has been successful. He still does not trust me at all, but for a long time he would constantly ask me why and go over the details a million times, trying to figure out why I would do this to him and the kids. Although it's been grueling rehashing it, I deserve it, so I take it. Lately it's been getting better. The trust is starting to build again, but it won't be complete for a long time.
I've since realized how much he and my kids mean to me, and kick myself every day for ever jeopardizing keeping my family happy and together. I've been spending more time with my babies, and my husband and I have made it a point to go on date nights and improve our sex life, which has improved drastically.
My husband ended up finding a new job where he makes great money and loves it, and doesn't have to constantly worry about layoffs. I graduated from college and also found a great job. We bought a house in August and just bought a new van this past weekend.
So 2012, it's been a crazy year. I'm glad to welcome 2013 and continue this fresh start with my husband and girls, and put the past behind us. I'm now extremely thankful for what I have and for having a partner that I don't deserve, but who loves me unconditionally and is willing to forgive the unforgiveable. I'm not sure why I am sharing this with you all, but it's just something I needed to get off my chest.