Feeling out of place as a new step mom
Hi. I am new to this site. This is my first post. I just wanted to say hi. I will be a new stepmom in March, to a four year old. Her dad and I have been dating two years. I met his daughter after about six months of dating him. We got engaged about a year after that, and I have been living with him and his daughter (he has her 50% of the time) for about six months now.
I have to tell you, i am finding it very challenging. I have feelings I feel ashamed to express because I sound like a horrible person. Like, feelings of jealousy or envy, sometimes even resentment, towards his daugher. I never, ever, ever let any of those feelings come out. But, they are confusing to have. How can someone be jealous of a four year old?
I knew I would come second going into this relationship. And, how much time and devotion he gives to his daughter are reasons why I fell in love with him in the first place. But, it can be overwhelming sometimes. I often feel like an outsider or that I do not belong. It is hard coming into this family, when they have such an established bond.
We are getting married in March. And, I think these feelings are harder to deal with than normal because of the wedding. I felt like that night would be the one night I would be first. I know how horrible that sounds. I feel horrible even saying it. But, every girl dreams of that day. And, I just want that once night. But, the wedding is already turning into the daugheter's show. And it is just hard.
How do you deal with these feelings in a productive way?
Have any of you dealt with this, and if so...can you give me advice?