Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

The CafeMom Newcomers Club The CafeMom Newcomers Club

Why have kids if your gonna allow daycare and school to raise them and teach them things you don't beleive in?

Posted by   + Show Post

I am making this post for multiple reasons. 

Mostly because I made a separate post in 2 other groups.. about parents allowing themselves off the hook when it comes to taking responsibility for their children.. 

And this was the reply of one of the ladies.


Many if not most children are raised in split homes where you possibly have a mixed set of values being taught depending on the parents and the directions they are moving in.

Some children spend from 8 am till 5 30 pm in school including the after school programs that are so common today.  Given that many parents work full time it is necessary that this occur.  So they are  home from 5:30 till 9 which is bed time.  These kids are not being influenced primarily by their parents.

My dd was in the highschool band and spent from 7 am to noon in the care of the band leader for 4 yrs.  He had a tremendous impact on her that was for the most part positive.

It is unrealistic to think that all children will primarily be influenced by  their parents in this society. Core values perhaps but not likes, dislikes or even direction IMO.

I know what she is saying is true for the majority of american children.. Their parents AREN'T there.. Aren't shaping them..

SO... 

Why bother going through the expense, struggle and frustrations of having children if your not the ones who will be the person of most importance in their lives?

by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 3:21 PM
Replies (11-20):
JavaLadybug2
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 3:41 PM


Quoting iwillstapleyou:

The society we live in makes it difficult for many parents to stay home. It is beneficial for society to have kids in school all day; it trains them to adopt that worker bee mentality.

Why is it beneficial for society?

Why do we care what is beneficial for society?

Our jobs as parents is to turn out a child who is productive to society.. Yes. But aside from that the job of parenting is to also teach them how to live a happy furfilling life.. 

LOOK AROUND YOU.. 99% of the people you know.. ARE THEY HAPPY? I mean in the long term? Are they furfilled? Are their marraiges working? Are their children happy? OR ARE the marraiges falling appart? The kids on multiples of drugs prescribed to keep them in that exact "worker bee" mentality..

JavaLadybug2
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 3:44 PM


Quoting DanaG70:

 I was still the most important person in my children's life when I was working full time.

I no longer work, they are in school full time and are teens, I am still a very important person in their lives. Since I am their mother, I will ALWAYS be an important person in their lives.

I am not saying that they don't value you..

I am saying that for me.. I want my children to gain the MAJORITY of what they view as ethics, morality and values from me.. Now I don't mean they can never disagree.. seek other sources of information.. But I want them to know what I know.. I want them to per se stand on my shoulders and eventually see farther than what I see during my lifetime.. kwim?

DanaG70
by Platinum Member on Jan. 1, 2013 at 3:49 PM

 

Quoting JavaLadybug2:


Quoting DanaG70:

 I was still the most important person in my children's life when I was working full time.

I no longer work, they are in school full time and are teens, I am still a very important person in their lives. Since I am their mother, I will ALWAYS be an important person in their lives.

I am not saying that they don't value you..

I am saying that for me.. I want my children to gain the MAJORITY of what they view as ethics, morality and values from me.. Now I don't mean they can never disagree.. seek other sources of information.. But I want them to know what I know.. I want them to per se stand on my shoulders and eventually see farther than what I see during my lifetime.. kwim?

 My kids did gain the majority of what they view as ethics, morality and values from ME, even if I had to put them in daycare and school. Just because they aren't with me 24/7 does not mean they are learning all of that on the streets either.

iwillstapleyou
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 3:53 PM
It is beneficial to society to train kids that the proper way of life is to graduate school, go to college (or not), and enter the workforce until you retire. School and loads of homework keeps kids busy while parents attend their jobs. College separates kids and parents in preparation for kids to enter the "real world." Then they get started working for the man. Commercialism and our dependence on energy keeps our living costs high and therefore our need to work increases, leaving us less time with our families. Society promotes the degradation of families because that is what is good for society, not the individual.

Our family lives an alternative lifestyle. We work from home, homeschool, and homestead. Many people are not in the position to do so and can't fathom such a lifestyle shift because they've been drinking the kool-aid.

Most people I know are not truly happy, no. Many people just go through the motions and only enjoy themselves when they get a break from their everyday lives.

We are SO focused on money, as a society, out of necessity, real or imagined. I think the question you pose in your OP is focusing on just a symptom of a much larger problem.


Quoting JavaLadybug2:


Quoting iwillstapleyou:

The society we live in makes it difficult for many parents to stay home. It is beneficial for society to have kids in school all day; it trains them to adopt that worker bee mentality.

Why is it beneficial for society?

Why do we care what is beneficial for society?

Our jobs as parents is to turn out a child who is productive to society.. Yes. But aside from that the job of parenting is to also teach them how to live a happy furfilling life.. 

LOOK AROUND YOU.. 99% of the people you know.. ARE THEY HAPPY? I mean in the long term? Are they furfilled? Are their marraiges working? Are their children happy? OR ARE the marraiges falling appart? The kids on multiples of drugs prescribed to keep them in that exact "worker bee" mentality..


Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
mcginnisc
by Gold Member on Jan. 1, 2013 at 3:54 PM
2 moms liked this

So, what you are saying is that you want children that are drones of you? 

My children are in a 2 parent home. I'm a SAHM and DH works from home. They go to a private school, my oldest takes karate and sings in the choir at Church. They both attend AWANA as well. 

There will always be outside influences on our children. If you don't want there to ever be another influence, then don't have children. They will be influenced by family, friends, movies, video games, cartoons, books, you name it. Unless you are going to hide your child away in a cellar and never allow them to read anything, listen to music or watch movies/tv this is a ridiculous idea. Period. 

I want my children to know what we believe, but I also want them to be able to make decisions based on their own thoughts and ideals as well. This means that when they are teens and with friends, they make intelligent decisions. 

Claire

Moderator: Healthy Weight Loss & Adoptive Moms

" I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Phillipians 4:13

Join theAdoptive Moms group

LilliesValley
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 3:55 PM
2 moms liked this

Because my child is still mine. My child is half the man I love and half me. Sending my daughter to school this year was hard because she is gone for a big part of the day. I do whatever I can to spend time with her when we are at home. I think you need to be careful of who you entrust your child to. You can't just wamby pamby send them to the day care down the street. When my daughter was first born my husband worked first shift and I worked second shift so that we didn't have to send her to day care. But we never saw each other. Once she was 18 months we found a day care that was great until my daughter was 3 and a half. The class sizes were getting bigger, the teachers in the level 4 group weren't great and we moved her to another day care with better values and care. This place was wonderful and while I was really sick for 2 years they did help to raise her. I was as involved as a sick mother could be (I don't think this is the type of thing anyone plans on when they're thinking of having kids) the school actually dropped her tuition down to $25 a week so that she could still attend and I could concentrate on getting well. I thank God for them. Now I am able to work part time and the first place I looked was at my daughters school because then I'd be around or with her. We have a voucher program in Indiana for schools so I picked the school my daughter attends and it's a Catholic school, which we are Catholic so that's the right values for us.

But I do agree that a lot of people seem to check out when it comes to raising their kids. They get crazy or upset about stupid things but the major things that matter, they don't even notice. Working at the school for the after care program we do the best we can. We have the kids up to 4 hours, we give them a snack, outside, gym time, homework and activities. I literally had to fight with some of these parents over the fact that yes, we have rules in the after care program and they have to follow those rules. I had one parent tell their kid, "You can't get in trouble at after care." What??!! Excuse me!!?? You sure can! There seems to just be a general apathy in people where they're giving their kids "things" and that takes the place of time and love. Which it doesn't. I may only get a few hours a day with my daughter but we make the most of that time. We have a lot of rituals, things we do every day, like what was your high and low for the day, what's something to be grateful for, what are you looking forward to? I love playing barbies with my daughter and playing with her doll house. I like just watching her play and be  kid. I think that the parents who want to be involved are involved and influence their children but really isn't that how it's always been? I mean yes we have all this social media, tv's and computers that are in the way now, but before parents were sending their kids to school and pa was plowing the feel and mom was churning butter. So it's all relevant. I think that's where the phrase, "It takes a village to raise a child," comes from.

emeraldangel2.0
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 4:02 PM

this is why teachers and families need to have communication. that's all i'm contributing to this post

A_Renee
by Gold Member on Jan. 1, 2013 at 4:07 PM
1 mom liked this

I am and will forever will be the most influential person in my lives of my girls.  Yes, I work full time and continue to do so.  My girls pick up their behaviors from me, period.  Of course I understand that others in their lives will have some influence over them in some situations, but I am primary.  They learn from my actions and reactions. 

I show them that they can have a full time career, be a college graduate and raise a family at the same time.  Their is nothing more important to me than thier well being and overall happiness.

supermom0609
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 4:07 PM
Exactly.why my.kids dont go to daycare i feel if i.have kids i should raise them not someone else
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
JavaLadybug2
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 4:08 PM


Quoting iwillstapleyou:

It is beneficial to society to train kids that the proper way of life is to graduate school, go to college (or not), and enter the workforce until you retire. School and loads of homework keeps kids busy while parents attend their jobs. College separates kids and parents in preparation for kids to enter the "real world." Then they get started working for the man. Commercialism and our dependence on energy keeps our living costs high and therefore our need to work increases, leaving us less time with our families. Society promotes the degradation of families because that is what is good for society, not the individual.

Our family lives an alternative lifestyle. We work from home, homeschool, and homestead. Many people are not in the position to do so and can't fathom such a lifestyle shift because they've been drinking the kool-aid.

Most people I know are not truly happy, no. Many people just go through the motions and only enjoy themselves when they get a break from their everyday lives.

We are SO focused on money, as a society, out of necessity, real or imagined. I think the question you pose in your OP is focusing on just a symptom of a much larger problem.


Quoting JavaLadybug2:


Quoting iwillstapleyou:

The society we live in makes it difficult for many parents to stay home. It is beneficial for society to have kids in school all day; it trains them to adopt that worker bee mentality.

Why is it beneficial for society?

Why do we care what is beneficial for society?

Our jobs as parents is to turn out a child who is productive to society.. Yes. But aside from that the job of parenting is to also teach them how to live a happy furfilling life.. 

LOOK AROUND YOU.. 99% of the people you know.. ARE THEY HAPPY? I mean in the long term? Are they furfilled? Are their marraiges working? Are their children happy? OR ARE the marraiges falling appart? The kids on multiples of drugs prescribed to keep them in that exact "worker bee" mentality..


Yes.. I think you are exactly right..

I am much like your family. I love the things I find useful from society.. But the desire to have or posess them doesn't make me willing to do much of what others are willing to do just to obtain those material posessions.. kwim

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)