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Why have kids if your gonna allow daycare and school to raise them and teach them things you don't beleive in?

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I am making this post for multiple reasons. 

Mostly because I made a separate post in 2 other groups.. about parents allowing themselves off the hook when it comes to taking responsibility for their children.. 

And this was the reply of one of the ladies.


Many if not most children are raised in split homes where you possibly have a mixed set of values being taught depending on the parents and the directions they are moving in.

Some children spend from 8 am till 5 30 pm in school including the after school programs that are so common today.  Given that many parents work full time it is necessary that this occur.  So they are  home from 5:30 till 9 which is bed time.  These kids are not being influenced primarily by their parents.

My dd was in the highschool band and spent from 7 am to noon in the care of the band leader for 4 yrs.  He had a tremendous impact on her that was for the most part positive.

It is unrealistic to think that all children will primarily be influenced by  their parents in this society. Core values perhaps but not likes, dislikes or even direction IMO.

I know what she is saying is true for the majority of american children.. Their parents AREN'T there.. Aren't shaping them..

SO... 

Why bother going through the expense, struggle and frustrations of having children if your not the ones who will be the person of most importance in their lives?

by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 3:21 PM
Replies (21-30):
gemma458
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 4:10 PM

I totally understand why you would ask this,OP. It does seem more and more common that in our society, other people are influencing children more than their parents. In my community, most homes are two income homes. Of all of the families I know personally, the majority of them say one parents COULD stay at home, but the general consensus is that their "standard of living" would decrease. Meaning vacations, material things, etc. In my mind, it doesn't add up. Maybe I'm missing something they are not saying, but I'm a SAHM and I wouldn't trade it for anything. I love to be my children's primary influence. I know staying at home is not an option for everyone, but I'm not trying to compare apples and oranges. I;m only talking about those that HAVE a choice to work or not. I could go to work and earn a very good salary, but I choose to invest my time in my little ones. Do I drive a luxury car and have the expensive clothes that I could if I worked? Nope!! But we have all we need and some extras, and my kids know they are our priority. I truly hope this doesn't offend any working moms that do it because they are providing for their families:this was not directed at you!! I have so much respect for you!! But the OP got me thinking, and I see mothers in my community (all the time) who really are that mom you hate to see......the mom whose kids are in aftercare programs so that they can go to the gym, tan, shop, etc. And I don't mean a once in a while thing, either. I think as moms we need to sometimes do things for ourselves. But not to the point where we hire somebody regularly so we can go shopping,kwim? I guess it comes down to priorities.

makelineerror
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 4:11 PM
2 moms liked this
The school's job is to educate my children. My job is to teach them my morals and values. However, I do realize that these roles are somewhat interchangeable. For instance, my son probably won't learn to compare unit price at the grocery from his teacher; I'll teach him that. And there may be some moral or value that I never learned -can't think of anything specific- that his teacher may point out. In that situation, I would probably benefit as well.
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JavaLadybug2
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 4:13 PM

I never said I don't want my children to have other influences.. I said I wish to be the major influance.. I don't mind that they do or see things.. But I want them to be grounded in the things I find value in.. Which is much like yours.. My kids go to church.. My kids go to sunday school, My kids even go to movies etc.. 

Just I intentionally use these as teachable moments.. Kwim..

I never said anything of them being drones..

Are your kids drones?

Quoting mcginnisc:

So, what you are saying is that you want children that are drones of you? 

My children are in a 2 parent home. I'm a SAHM and DH works from home. They go to a private school, my oldest takes karate and sings in the choir at Church. They both attend AWANA as well. 

There will always be outside influences on our children. If you don't want there to ever be another influence, then don't have children. They will be influenced by family, friends, movies, video games, cartoons, books, you name it. Unless you are going to hide your child away in a cellar and never allow them to read anything, listen to music or watch movies/tv this is a ridiculous idea. Period. 

I want my children to know what we believe, but I also want them to be able to make decisions based on their own thoughts and ideals as well. This means that when they are teens and with friends, they make intelligent decisions. 


Straw man arguements!

They oversimplify the matter in question to the point where they become ridiculous and just false.

spastic_poodle
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 4:14 PM
I have a great job and education, I just have to work long hours. I will be returning to school soon but that'll only cut down the time I have with my girls more.


Quoting JavaLadybug2:


Quoting spastic_poodle:

I planned on staying home to raise my children. Then I was forced to leave their abusive (to them) father. I get no help, they are my sole responsibility and I have to feed them so... I work. And I work a lot. Yes others are raising my children.

So your saying the reason for your personal situation was unplanned.. I am not here to bash the personal situations. I am just trying to understand why it happens so frequently.. What the mindset is..

Your children are in daycare/school because you had to get out of an abusive situation and are providing for them now as best you can.. I am not bashing that.. 

Now that I made it clear I am not bashing..

Do you have some kind of goals that will allow you to gain a better job or education plans in the future so you won't be endlessly working long hours..


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JavaLadybug2
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 4:17 PM

YOU GOT IT!

THANKS. If one person.. You may be the only one..

Gets to thinking from this.. Then the post was a success! :) thanks for reading it and thinking.. 

Quoting gemma458:

I totally understand why you would ask this,OP. It does seem more and more common that in our society, other people are influencing children more than their parents. In my community, most homes are two income homes. Of all of the families I know personally, the majority of them say one parents COULD stay at home, but the general consensus is that their "standard of living" would decrease. Meaning vacations, material things, etc. In my mind, it doesn't add up. Maybe I'm missing something they are not saying, but I'm a SAHM and I wouldn't trade it for anything. I love to be my children's primary influence. I know staying at home is not an option for everyone, but I'm not trying to compare apples and oranges. I;m only talking about those that HAVE a choice to work or not. I could go to work and earn a very good salary, but I choose to invest my time in my little ones. Do I drive a luxury car and have the expensive clothes that I could if I worked? Nope!! But we have all we need and some extras, and my kids know they are our priority. I truly hope this doesn't offend any working moms that do it because they are providing for their families:this was not directed at you!! I have so much respect for you!! But the OP got me thinking, and I see mothers in my community (all the time) who really are that mom you hate to see......the mom whose kids are in aftercare programs so that they can go to the gym, tan, shop, etc. And I don't mean a once in a while thing, either. I think as moms we need to sometimes do things for ourselves. But not to the point where we hire somebody regularly so we can go shopping,kwim? I guess it comes down to priorities.


                

eviesmom453
by Platinum Member on Jan. 1, 2013 at 4:22 PM

Shuddup!

coolmommy2x
by Ruby Member on Jan. 1, 2013 at 4:36 PM
I guess now that there won't be any more holiday posts, we're back to this crap. Sigh...
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Mom2Just1
by Silver Member on Jan. 1, 2013 at 4:52 PM

Maybe school can teach your children proper grammar.  I hope you won't be.  

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momofsunshine77
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 4:55 PM

I am a SAHM and I am a little protective of my girls.  I REALLY pay attention to what they see and hear.  I WILL NOT let them watch anything on TV or a movie that is not "Appropriate" for them.  I avoid all adult situations/parties where they see misbehaving adults, etc.  I cant stand when someone swears in my children's ear shot and they hear it.  I would be the mother that covers their eyes if there was something they shouldn't see.  To me I believe in the innocence of children and they should stay innocent for as long as possible.  I do take my girls to gymnastics and dance and playgroups, etc.  We are hardly ever home.  But I pay attention to what is going on. 

adrosie08
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 5:00 PM
1 mom liked this

WOW. 

How dare you assume that parents who have children in before and after school programs do not consider their child to have the "most importance" in their lives?? As a teacher and former supervisor of such an after-school program, that is just not true. Many of those parents are forced to work long hours to provide for their families. One of the most basic reasons for the public education system, (I am talking the basic foundations, when schools were established), was and is to educate children about the foundations and norms of society. There are many different values and beliefs out there, and many private and charter schools that match those values, or for some families the option to school at home. BUT to state that parents who have to utilize before and after school care while they attempt to provide for their families, do not consider their children a priority is irresponsible. 

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