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Why have kids if your gonna allow daycare and school to raise them and teach them things you don't beleive in?

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I am making this post for multiple reasons. 

Mostly because I made a separate post in 2 other groups.. about parents allowing themselves off the hook when it comes to taking responsibility for their children.. 

And this was the reply of one of the ladies.


Many if not most children are raised in split homes where you possibly have a mixed set of values being taught depending on the parents and the directions they are moving in.

Some children spend from 8 am till 5 30 pm in school including the after school programs that are so common today.  Given that many parents work full time it is necessary that this occur.  So they are  home from 5:30 till 9 which is bed time.  These kids are not being influenced primarily by their parents.

My dd was in the highschool band and spent from 7 am to noon in the care of the band leader for 4 yrs.  He had a tremendous impact on her that was for the most part positive.

It is unrealistic to think that all children will primarily be influenced by  their parents in this society. Core values perhaps but not likes, dislikes or even direction IMO.

I know what she is saying is true for the majority of american children.. Their parents AREN'T there.. Aren't shaping them..

SO... 

Why bother going through the expense, struggle and frustrations of having children if your not the ones who will be the person of most importance in their lives?

by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 3:21 PM
Replies (31-40):
wildlilacs
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 5:01 PM
2 moms liked this
There are only 2 types of parents: Those that will and Those that wont. The situations or circumstances dont matter. Working or stay at home, traditional or alternative families, rich or poor....none of these things really matter. Either you will influence your kids or you wont influence your kids. Its whatever the parents mindset is.
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sam12796
by Sandy on Jan. 1, 2013 at 5:06 PM
3 moms liked this

 Ok I am going to tell you a story. Yes I am a working mom. Heck I work 45 hours a week. Daycare is ten minutes from me so I go about 9.5 hours a day without them on the days I work. They go to daycare 3 days a week. Once at a birthday party my oldest was offered soda. Her reply was sorry I will have milk. My mom says that soda isn't good for me. Hmmm my values there. Also one time my daughter found a wallet on the ground and said mom we should bring this in the store it isn't right to keep something that isn't ours...yeah my values too. My children are raised by me...not once have I heard well daycare says or daycare does this. My children know my rules and my core values are instilled in them. My oldest goes to kindergarten 5 days a week and is in daycare 3 days a week for 2 additional hours. My youngest is in daycare 3 days a week sometimes 4 if I am sick and need the rest etc...doesn't happen often but it is nice if I need it. Or if I have a friend lunch or something once a month. Now my DH has them on the weekends when I work so daddy is the influence there as well. I interviewed and walked around several daycares until I found the one that most mirrored my values and standards. I think that as parents we do what is best. No I don't work so we can go on vacations and live frivilously and honeslty if I did who friggin cares? Not your business. We went 9 years married without children because we were told we couldn't have them. What a surprise my oldest was finding out I wa 11 weeks along when I had lost so many before 8 weeks. By now we have well established jobs and a home, two nice cars, why should either of us give that up? I am not stay at home material. I did try it for 4 months because I had banked time off for my maternity leave. It isn't for me. I love working and helping provide the savings for my children to have a good life. For them to have what they want and need. To provide for my children's future. To ensure should somthing happen to me or my husband they will be taken care of. Please do not pity my children. They are well rounded good kids who I attibute my core values and my influences along with my husand, teachers, and daycare.

JavaLadybug2
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 5:14 PM
1 mom liked this


Quoting momofsunshine77:

I am a SAHM and I am a little protective of my girls.  I REALLY pay attention to what they see and hear.  I WILL NOT let them watch anything on TV or a movie that is not "Appropriate" for them.  I avoid all adult situations/parties where they see misbehaving adults, etc.  I cant stand when someone swears in my children's ear shot and they hear it.  I would be the mother that covers their eyes if there was something they shouldn't see.  To me I believe in the innocence of children and they should stay innocent for as long as possible.  I do take my girls to gymnastics and dance and playgroups, etc.  We are hardly ever home.  But I pay attention to what is going on. 

WAY TO GO MOMMA! You get a standing ovation from me!you rock

JavaLadybug2
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 5:20 PM

Hold the phone.

I didn't say "EVERY PARENT".. Not once..

I made it clear in my post that I had asked people why people let their kids get away with stuff.. From what your saying you are being the influence .. So this really isn't about you.

Quoting sam12796:

 Ok I am going to tell you a story. Yes I am a working mom. Heck I work 45 hours a week. Daycare is ten minutes from me so I go about 9.5 hours a day without them on the days I work. They go to daycare 3 days a week. Once at a birthday party my oldest was offered soda. Her reply was sorry I will have milk. My mom says that soda isn't good for me. Hmmm my values there. Also one time my daughter found a wallet on the ground and said mom we should bring this in the store it isn't right to keep something that isn't ours...yeah my values too. My children are raised by me...not once have I heard well daycare says or daycare does this. My children know my rules and my core values are instilled in them. My oldest goes to kindergarten 5 days a week and is in daycare 3 days a week for 2 additional hours. My youngest is in daycare 3 days a week sometimes 4 if I am sick and need the rest etc...doesn't happen often but it is nice if I need it. Or if I have a friend lunch or something once a month. Now my DH has them on the weekends when I work so daddy is the influence there as well. I interviewed and walked around several daycares until I found the one that most mirrored my values and standards. I think that as parents we do what is best. No I don't work so we can go on vacations and live frivilously and honeslty if I did who friggin cares? Not your business. We went 9 years married without children because we were told we couldn't have them. What a surprise my oldest was finding out I wa 11 weeks along when I had lost so many before 8 weeks. By now we have well established jobs and a home, two nice cars, why should either of us give that up? I am not stay at home material. I did try it for 4 months because I had banked time off for my maternity leave. It isn't for me. I love working and helping provide the savings for my children to have a good life. For them to have what they want and need. To provide for my children's future. To ensure should somthing happen to me or my husband they will be taken care of. Please do not pity my children. They are well rounded good kids who I attibute my core values and my influences along with my husand, teachers, and daycare.

I truely am glad there are exceptions.. 

Bonita131
by Member on Jan. 1, 2013 at 5:23 PM
2 moms liked this

Sorry, there is no reason for a woman to stay home and sponge off her husband for her needs. Women were not put on this earth to sit on their butts doing nothing. Women did not go to school, college etc, to end up doing nothing with their lives but stay at home playing on the computer, I pad, or whatever, & watchTV, all the while pretending they spend every hour of the day with thier child or children.  I am a firm believer in pulling your own weight & find women who use the tired old, I am a sahm, nothing more than an exusefor being lazy.  There is no reason a woman cannot work part time in the hours that her spouse is home so she can also contribute to the financial well being of the family. Saying my husband has a good secure job so I do not have to work, is a cop out, not to mention it could easily backfire on you if your husband leaves you high and dry, or is fired or laid off from that good secure job.

Millions of working moms, parents,  have raised and are still raising well adjusted happy confident children. Your claim that the majority of American parents are not there for their children in a bunch of hooey, as is your claim that working moms or parents are not the most important person in their childrens lives.

  

 

kansasmom1978
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 5:26 PM
1 mom liked this

No one teaches my kids something I don't want them to learn. I am very involved in their education and schools. I know what they are learning. I also don't use daycare. I am able to stay home and I do. 

JavaLadybug2
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 5:26 PM

Did you even read what I wrote?

I can't help what others said.. Don't try to lay that at my door. I stand convicted by my words.. But I won't have you pasting me with something I didn't say..

Quoting adrosie08:

WOW. 

How dare you assume that parents who have children in before and after school programs do not consider their child to have the "most importance" in their lives?? As a teacher and former supervisor of such an after-school program, that is just not true. Many of those parents are forced to work long hours to provide for their families. One of the most basic reasons for the public education system, (I am talking the basic foundations, when schools were established), was and is to educate children about the foundations and norms of society. There are many different values and beliefs out there, and many private and charter schools that match those values, or for some families the option to school at home. BUT to state that parents who have to utilize before and after school care while they attempt to provide for their families, do not consider their children a priority is irresponsible. 


kansasmom1978
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 5:28 PM
2 moms liked this

And you are dead wrong. If I go to work my paycheck would only pay for the daycare I would have to get to watch the kids while I work. Not to mention our son has autism and no one will watch him. I am no where near lazy. I volunteer outside the house several days a week, exercise and keep the house clean. I do my sons neurofeedback therapy and am very involved in my kids 4H. My husband makes plenty so it's not a strain on our finances for me to stay home. It's our choice. You can kiss my ass with your judgement.

Quoting Bonita131:

Sorry, there is no reason for a woman to stay home and sponge off her husband for her needs. Women were not put on this earth to sit on their butts doing nothing. Women did not go to school, college etc, to end up doing nothing with their lives but stay at home playing on the computer, I pad, or whatever, & watchTV, all the while pretending they spend every hour of the day with thier child or children.  I am a firm believer in pulling your own weight & find women who use the tired old, I am a sahm, nothing more than an exusefor being lazy.  There is no reason a woman cannot work part time in the hours that her spouse is home so she can also contribute to the financial well being of the family. Saying my husband has a good secure job so I do not have to work, is a cop out, not to mention it could easily backfire on you if your husband leaves you high and dry, or is fired or laid off from that good secure job.

Millions of working moms, parents,  have raised and are still raising well adjusted happy confident children. Your claim that the majority of American parents are not there for their children in a bunch of hooey, as is your claim that working moms or parents are not the most important person in their childrens lives.




nickysmom71
by Platinum Member on Jan. 1, 2013 at 5:29 PM

Love this!!!!

Quoting LoveMyLos:

I had two bc theyre great tax deductions. Cant wait til feb!


JavaLadybug2
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 5:37 PM

When did being a mother become the equivalent of doing nothing? Feeding, cleaning, directing, educating, doing crafts, telling stories, Instilling values and generally caring for another life.. Isn't nothing..

Shoot.. Nurses do half of this.. Janitors do this.. Maid's do this.. Housekeepers do this.. but apparently to you a Job is what defines you..

What if your job is to raise healthy children? What if your job is to be their mother.. 

What is a Mother?

Submitted by: *ScrapPrincess*
Author: Katherine Nelson Davis

A mother is someone to shelter and guide us,
To love us, whatever we do,
With a warm understanding and infinite patience,
And wonderful gentleness, too.

How often a mother means swift reassurance
In soothing our small, childish fears,
How tenderly mothers watch over their children
And treasure them all through the years.

The hearth of a mother is full of forgiveness
For any mistake, big or small,
And generous always in helping her family
Whose needs she has placed above all.

A mother can utter a word of compassion
And make all our cares fall away,
She can brighten a home with the sound of her laughter
And make life delightful and gay.

A mother possesses incredible wisdom
And wonderful insight and skill-
In each human heart is that one special corner
Which only a mother can fill!
Quoting Bonita131:

Sorry, there is no reason for a woman to stay home and sponge off her husband for her needs. Women were not put on this earth to sit on their butts doing nothing. Women did not go to school, college etc, to end up doing nothing with their lives but stay at home playing on the computer, I pad, or whatever, & watchTV, all the while pretending they spend every hour of the day with thier child or children.  I am a firm believer in pulling your own weight & find women who use the tired old, I am a sahm, nothing more than an exusefor being lazy.  There is no reason a woman cannot work part time in the hours that her spouse is home so she can also contribute to the financial well being of the family. Saying my husband has a good secure job so I do not have to work, is a cop out, not to mention it could easily backfire on you if your husband leaves you high and dry, or is fired or laid off from that good secure job.

Millions of working moms, parents,  have raised and are still raising well adjusted happy confident children. Your claim that the majority of American parents are not there for their children in a bunch of hooey, as is your claim that working moms or parents are not the most important person in their childrens lives.



1) I never claimed that working parent's were worse than non-working parents.. There is the choice of as you said.. that you can work on an opposite shift as your spouse.. You can work from home.. Worlds of choices are available.. I never once.. said that one form of parenting is better.. 

I copied in black what another mother said.. And her reply was trying to explain why it is ok.. for children to not be taught and educated on what it takes to be a responsible adult..And her excuse was that they are in daycare.. or public schools..

My post asked.. WHY does that qualify as an excuse!?

READ MY POST.. I clearly by color deliniated what I wrote(ORANGE) and what SHE WROTE(black)

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