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Why have kids if your gonna allow daycare and school to raise them and teach them things you don't beleive in?

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I am making this post for multiple reasons. 

Mostly because I made a separate post in 2 other groups.. about parents allowing themselves off the hook when it comes to taking responsibility for their children.. 

And this was the reply of one of the ladies.


Many if not most children are raised in split homes where you possibly have a mixed set of values being taught depending on the parents and the directions they are moving in.

Some children spend from 8 am till 5 30 pm in school including the after school programs that are so common today.  Given that many parents work full time it is necessary that this occur.  So they are  home from 5:30 till 9 which is bed time.  These kids are not being influenced primarily by their parents.

My dd was in the highschool band and spent from 7 am to noon in the care of the band leader for 4 yrs.  He had a tremendous impact on her that was for the most part positive.

It is unrealistic to think that all children will primarily be influenced by  their parents in this society. Core values perhaps but not likes, dislikes or even direction IMO.

I know what she is saying is true for the majority of american children.. Their parents AREN'T there.. Aren't shaping them..

SO... 

Why bother going through the expense, struggle and frustrations of having children if your not the ones who will be the person of most importance in their lives?

by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 3:21 PM
Replies (41-50):
sam12796
by Sandy on Jan. 1, 2013 at 5:44 PM

 

Quoting JavaLadybug2:

Hold the phone.

I didn't say "EVERY PARENT".. Not once..

I made it clear in my post that I had asked people why people let their kids get away with stuff.. From what your saying you are being the influence .. So this really isn't about you.

Quoting sam12796:

 Ok I am going to tell you a story. Yes I am a working mom. Heck I work 45 hours a week. Daycare is ten minutes from me so I go about 9.5 hours a day without them on the days I work. They go to daycare 3 days a week. Once at a birthday party my oldest was offered soda. Her reply was sorry I will have milk. My mom says that soda isn't good for me. Hmmm my values there. Also one time my daughter found a wallet on the ground and said mom we should bring this in the store it isn't right to keep something that isn't ours...yeah my values too. My children are raised by me...not once have I heard well daycare says or daycare does this. My children know my rules and my core values are instilled in them. My oldest goes to kindergarten 5 days a week and is in daycare 3 days a week for 2 additional hours. My youngest is in daycare 3 days a week sometimes 4 if I am sick and need the rest etc...doesn't happen often but it is nice if I need it. Or if I have a friend lunch or something once a month. Now my DH has them on the weekends when I work so daddy is the influence there as well. I interviewed and walked around several daycares until I found the one that most mirrored my values and standards. I think that as parents we do what is best. No I don't work so we can go on vacations and live frivilously and honeslty if I did who friggin cares? Not your business. We went 9 years married without children because we were told we couldn't have them. What a surprise my oldest was finding out I wa 11 weeks along when I had lost so many before 8 weeks. By now we have well established jobs and a home, two nice cars, why should either of us give that up? I am not stay at home material. I did try it for 4 months because I had banked time off for my maternity leave. It isn't for me. I love working and helping provide the savings for my children to have a good life. For them to have what they want and need. To provide for my children's future. To ensure should somthing happen to me or my husband they will be taken care of. Please do not pity my children. They are well rounded good kids who I attibute my core values and my influences along with my husand, teachers, and daycare.

I truely am glad there are exceptions.. 

 Thank you for that. I do agree that there are a small tiny portion of parents who do let others raise their children just liket there are those who probably should allow it but that is not my choice either.

Uniquecoolio
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 5:55 PM
it's hard to not generalize in a post like this. each family is uniquely different no matter it's makeup or circumstances. I am a single by choice adoptive parent of twins, work full time and homeschool. I have ALWAYS felt I am their biggest influence in all the important areas that allow someone to have a successful and fulfilling life. I don't ever see that changing either. and any outside influences such as daycare, schools before homeschooling, family and even my ex whom they call Dad....are welcome to help in this process no matter their views, foibles or even contradictory (to my) ways. it's all grist for the mill in my mind.
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LuvingMy3Girls
by Silver Member on Jan. 1, 2013 at 5:59 PM
I am a SAHM but honestly I want my kids to know all people and be influenced by others. I'm not raising a carbon copy if me. I'm raising strong, Independant daughters. I hope they are free thinkers and can form there own opinions about things based on their own life experiences
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sophiasmommy27
by Sarah Sweetheart on Jan. 1, 2013 at 6:04 PM
this. I just like to fucking WORK :)
and go to school. and work some more. I love it :)
plus that cash in my wallet that I dictate what it goes for is nice too. I earned that shit. it's mine.


Quoting Bonita131:

Sorry, there is no reason for a woman to stay home and sponge off her husband for her needs. Women were not put on this earth to sit on their butts doing nothing. Women did not go to school, college etc, to end up doing nothing with their lives but stay at home playing on the computer, I pad, or whatever, & watchTV, all the while pretending they spend every hour of the day with thier child or children.  I am a firm believer in pulling your own weight & find women who use the tired old, I am a sahm, nothing more than an exusefor being lazy.  There is no reason a woman cannot work part time in the hours that her spouse is home so she can also contribute to the financial well being of the family. Saying my husband has a good secure job so I do not have to work, is a cop out, not to mention it could easily backfire on you if your husband leaves you high and dry, or is fired or laid off from that good secure job.


Millions of working moms, parents,  have raised and are still raising well adjusted happy confident children. Your claim that the majority of American parents are not there for their children in a bunch of hooey, as is your claim that working moms or parents are not the most important person in their childrens lives.


  


 


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Bonita131
by Member on Jan. 1, 2013 at 6:13 PM


Quoting kansasmom1978:

And you are dead wrong. If I go to work my paycheck would only pay for the daycare I would have to get to watch the kids while I work. Not to mention our son has autism and no one will watch him. I am no where near lazy. I volunteer outside the house several days a week, exercise and keep the house clean. I do my sons neurofeedback therapy and am very involved in my kids 4H. My husband makes plenty so it's not a strain on our finances for me to stay home. It's our choice. You can kiss my ass with your judgement.

Quoting Bonita131:

Sorry, there is no reason for a woman to stay home and sponge off her husband for her needs. Women were not put on this earth to sit on their butts doing nothing. Women did not go to school, college etc, to end up doing nothing with their lives but stay at home playing on the computer, I pad, or whatever, & watchTV, all the while pretending they spend every hour of the day with thier child or children.  I am a firm believer in pulling your own weight & find women who use the tired old, I am a sahm, nothing more than an exusefor being lazy.  There is no reason a woman cannot work part time in the hours that her spouse is home so she can also contribute to the financial well being of the family. Saying my husband has a good secure job so I do not have to work, is a cop out, not to mention it could easily backfire on you if your husband leaves you high and dry, or is fired or laid off from that good secure job.

Millions of working moms, parents,  have raised and are still raising well adjusted happy confident children. Your claim that the majority of American parents are not there for their children in a bunch of hooey, as is your claim that working moms or parents are not the most important person in their childrens lives.

 

 

 

Learn to read. Not once in my post did I say someone would have to watch the kids or that they would have to be in daycare. If you are a sahm, you can work opposite shifts from your husband a few days a week so no daycare is needed. Millions of moms have done it and millions of moms are still doing it, as well as doing the cooking, cleaning, volunteering, and being involved with their child's activities. It is called being responsible & pulling your own weight.

my4kids274
by Drill Sergeant Mommy on Jan. 1, 2013 at 6:15 PM
1 mom liked this

All I am going to say here is that I do not agree with this mindset at all.  Wow!

Quoting Bonita131:

Sorry, there is no reason for a woman to stay home and sponge off her husband for her needs. Women were not put on this earth to sit on their butts doing nothing. Women did not go to school, college etc, to end up doing nothing with their lives but stay at home playing on the computer, I pad, or whatever, & watchTV, all the while pretending they spend every hour of the day with thier child or children.  I am a firm believer in pulling your own weight & find women who use the tired old, I am a sahm, nothing more than an exusefor being lazy.  There is no reason a woman cannot work part time in the hours that her spouse is home so she can also contribute to the financial well being of the family. Saying my husband has a good secure job so I do not have to work, is a cop out, not to mention it could easily backfire on you if your husband leaves you high and dry, or is fired or laid off from that good secure job.

Millions of working moms, parents,  have raised and are still raising well adjusted happy confident children. Your claim that the majority of American parents are not there for their children in a bunch of hooey, as is your claim that working moms or parents are not the most important person in their childrens lives.




Bonita131
by Member on Jan. 1, 2013 at 6:28 PM


Quoting JavaLadybug2:

When did being a mother become the equivalent of doing nothing? Feeding, cleaning, directing, educating, doing crafts, telling stories, Instilling values and generally caring for another life.. Isn't nothing..

Shoot.. Nurses do half of this.. Janitors do this.. Maid's do this.. Housekeepers do this.. but apparently to you a Job is what defines you..

What if your job is to raise healthy children? What if your job is to be their mother.. 

 

What is a Mother?

Submitted by: *ScrapPrincess*
Author: Katherine Nelson Davis

A mother is someone to shelter and guide us,
To love us, whatever we do,
With a warm understanding and infinite patience,
And wonderful gentleness, too.

How often a mother means swift reassurance
In soothing our small, childish fears,
How tenderly mothers watch over their children
And treasure them all through the years.

The hearth of a mother is full of forgiveness
For any mistake, big or small,
And generous always in helping her family
Whose needs she has placed above all.

A mother can utter a word of compassion
And make all our cares fall away,
She can brighten a home with the sound of her laughter
And make life delightful and gay.

A mother possesses incredible wisdom
And wonderful insight and skill-
In each human heart is that one special corner
Which only a mother can fill!
Quoting Bonita131:

Sorry, there is no reason for a woman to stay home and sponge off her husband for her needs. Women were not put on this earth to sit on their butts doing nothing. Women did not go to school, college etc, to end up doing nothing with their lives but stay at home playing on the computer, I pad, or whatever, & watchTV, all the while pretending they spend every hour of the day with thier child or children.  I am a firm believer in pulling your own weight & find women who use the tired old, I am a sahm, nothing more than an exusefor being lazy.  There is no reason a woman cannot work part time in the hours that her spouse is home so she can also contribute to the financial well being of the family. Saying my husband has a good secure job so I do not have to work, is a cop out, not to mention it could easily backfire on you if your husband leaves you high and dry, or is fired or laid off from that good secure job.

Millions of working moms, parents,  have raised and are still raising well adjusted happy confident children. Your claim that the majority of American parents are not there for their children in a bunch of hooey, as is your claim that working moms or parents are not the most important person in their childrens lives.

 

 

1) I never claimed that working parent's were worse than non-working parents.. There is the choice of as you said.. that you can work on an opposite shift as your spouse.. You can work from home.. Worlds of choices are available.. I never once.. said that one form of parenting is better.. 

I copied in black what another mother said.. And her reply was trying to explain why it is ok.. for children to not be taught and educated on what it takes to be a responsible adult..And her excuse was that they are in daycare.. or public schools..

My post asked.. WHY does that qualify as an excuse!?

READ MY POST.. I clearly by color deliniated what I wrote(ORANGE) and what SHE WROTE(black)

Feeding, cleaning, directing, educating, doing crafts, telling stories, Instilling values and generally caring for another life..

What if your job is to raise healthy children? What if your job is to be their mother..

Working mothers feed, clean, direct, educate, do crafts, tell stories, instill values, and generally care for another life.

Working mothers raise healthy children, and the majority of working mothers work a paying job as well as the job of being a mother.  

As for the rest of your OP, you asked for opinions on what you posted, I gave you my opinion.  

raynesmommy1
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 6:37 PM
1 mom liked this

I was a stay at home Mom to my Daughter for 3 years but had to get out there and work because it got to a point where my husbands job was not making ends meet and he is a teaching assistant. So I had to get up and get a job. I work like mad at times but I have to assist in providing for my family and not leave the burden solely on my Husband. I don't get to spend time with my Daughter as much as I like and trust me it hurts but she is aware of what I am doing and why I am doing it. When I do have time for my Daughter I make sure it counts. I was told that it is not about the amount of time you spend with your Child but how you use it that counts. With that said she is my only Child and will more than likely remain an only one because I can't deal with putting another child and myself through this. 

Jukebox_Jenny
by Member on Jan. 1, 2013 at 6:38 PM
Hahahahaha!!!
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momdoes
by Platinum Member on Jan. 1, 2013 at 6:39 PM

The lady who left that reply speaks truth. What the hell is wrong with having a village help raise, shape and influence your children? Pick the right village and all is good.

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